Totally haven’t posted in two years. Whoops. Just popping in to say we are alive and post a new picture of wifey. Coming up on 15 years together in June 💃💃

Updated photo of my lovely wife. 4 years on hormones.

I really liked dressing dolls all up and doing their hair as a kid. How lucky am I that I ended up with a wife, whom I can make into my own personal doll to dress up?

Check out how pretty her hair is! It keeps getting thicker!

Just found my goodbye letter to “him.” It really helped with closure for the both of us. Honoring the memory of her armor.

Life has been very out of control busy lately. You know that feeling when every single thing seems to be going wrong, but you are conscious enough in the moment to know that this time is helping you grow stronger so that your future can be brighter? That’s where we are right now, waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel to reveal itself. Our purpose. We know the light is just around the corner, we just have to get there and we will. Recently we made the decision together that we need to leave societal expectations behind so we can have a life worth living on our terms. Why buy a house and have kids if we don’t find joy in the possibility of either? There is nothing wrong with these things if YOU want them for yourselves, but so many people do these on autopilot. Settling isn’t required. I hope you know you are the only one who knows your own recipe for happiness. Why would you create someone else’s version for yourself? We want to travel a lot. Living in an RV excites us more than owning a home. We want to live life on fire and have as many experiences as possible. We want to meet interesting people who inspire us and restore our faith in humanity. We want to live. I think honestly our outlook on life is a product of Kylie’s transition. What a blessing it has been to our life. Our transition was a journey of celebrating uniqueness and the last thing we expected was for people to be drawn to us because of it. It’s true, challenging the norm seems very hip right now. People seeing us as “cool” is very weird because neither of us have ever felt that before. It feels like we are part of a revolution and it’s exciting to live through this time, as grim as it sometimes can be, we are changing. We are growing. We are trying to find meaning. I don’t want to use the term YOLO, but it’s true. When you step back and think about it, the life we are living is the whole point to our existence. What is the point of my life? What will I leave behind? What is my mark? I’ve reflected on this often, and the answer isn’t the same each day. I want to make the world a better place, but I don’t know how yet so for now I find joy in offering my kindness to strangers. Baby steps. Speaking of steps...we know now that daydreaming of our perfect life isn’t how we get there. It’s planning and progress. You don’t wake up with a new life one day, you keep your eye on the prize and keep moving. For us, what keeps us going is simplifying our life. If some day we see ourselves traveling and making documentaries then we have to take steps to getting there. For example, we have adopted minimalism as a practice (reducing down to just items you use/bring value to your life). We went from two closets to one and filled our one car garage to the max with items throughout our house that we just simply didn’t need that others could (yard sale/donate). We also are becoming more environmentally conscious by starting the journey to reducing the waste we create (down to one 10 gallon trash bag every 2 months). Kylie is learning as much as she can about film and documentaries. We may not be ready to buy an RV and travel full time, but making steps toward the goal gives us strength through our 9-5 routines. I hope you all are living your life and not someone else’s version. If you aren’t, maybe you need to find the next step in your recipe for life.

My girl works out hard, but look how shapely she is becoming! The hormones are still changing her even after a few years.

Kylie has really been in her element lately with finding new passions. The obsession with looks, makeup, etc. has gone away and now we have the days where she decides not to wear makeup or chooses athletic clothes over a dress.

I think when she first transitioned she binged on everything feminine, but now she is settling in to her own form of womanhood.

New hair cut selfie! I haven’t cut it in 8 months trying to grow it out.

Have you stood in your power pose today? It is in our nature to want to wallow in the fetal position when life isn't going our way, but standing in this position with your heart open during those moments can really help you feel less small when you are feeling low. It feels silly and I usually laugh a little but then I really enjoy it. I like to do it right before job interviews or awkward conversations for a confidence boost...or even when Kylie and I are high on life during a beautiful hike and just want to open ourselves up further to share in the power of Mother Nature. If you are striking a pose, let it be a powerful one.

I will wake up each morning before sunrise if it means I get to watch it with you 👭

I have spent a lot of time lately reflecting on what my point is on this earth. I realized that I was programmed to think that my point had to be directly tied to some career path. I reject this idea now. I don’t have to have an extensive resume to feel like I am making a difference.

I feel strongly that the greatest thing I can do with my life is to simply build others up. I thought about when I am at my happiest and I honestly think it is when I know I have brought joy or comfort to someone struggling.

I can think about a time when a new employee was getting made fun of at one of my past jobs. The other employees judged her so fast and were already planning on her not lasting. I felt bad for her after hearing constant gossip and befriended her when no one else would. Flash forward a few months and she has blossomed into a well respected employee who got promoted quickly. I don’t pretend to take credit for her awesomeness, but I can’t help thinking how kindness can help others realize their strengths. Be kind, my friends.

So I’m staying, now what?

I get a lot of personal messages from spouses who have also decided to stay and I love it! Each story helps restore my hope for humanity. That being said, the question usually becomes….so what now? How do I show support beyond staying? I’m lost!…etc. I don’t know a blanket answer for these questions, but I know what worked for us, so here it is :) 

After Kylie told me about her transition, I went into overdrive trying to “make up” for all the girl things she missed out on growing up. I kind of got addicted to seeing the joy in her eyes when she finally experienced the “forbidden” activities of her birth gender. 

The first thing we did was go to Target and she was still presenting as “he” at this time so we went into the bra/undies section and I told her to just let me know what caught her eye. Then I would pick it up and act like I was looking at it for me, but then she could see it and I could say something like “OMG feel how soft” so she could feel the texture, etc. It seems silly to feel the need to put on a show for passersby, but it made her feel comfortable and safe while still really excited about her new bra and panties. It was also super fun to be sneaking around the store with a secret! We also did this in the clothing section and got her a few basic items like a pink t-shirt and leggings for her to use around the house before she went full time. 

Then there was makeup. Most women can relate to the horror of realizing your foundation doesn’t match your skin tone, giving you a look drastically different than your neck skin tone. I didn’t want Kylie to have that problem, so we put on our “fuck it” pants and walked into Macy’s and asked the makeup counter girl to match a foundation to “his” skin tone. I know…this seems a little crazy, right? We were in the middle of a major department store on a Saturday! That being said, I knew MAC Cosmetics (which I had been going to since I was 16) had a liberal vibe. I’d seen men there before. I asked the lady to match for “him” and she didn’t skip a beat…And you know what? We only got one odd look from a lady walking by. Who cares about a lady we will never see ever again? So, if you live in an area where you would be SAFE, I recommend it. I think it also pushed us a little into being more bold and not caring about strangers’ judgements. 

After that, we found a local year-round costume shop. It caters mostly to the local theater performers, but we walked in there and they had 100′s of wigs (mostly on the ridiculous side), but the owner asked if he could help us and I said we needed a wig for “him.” The guy didn’t hesitate and got her seated in a chair and pulled wigs down at her selection and fitted them until we found the one that you guys might have seen at the beginning of my blog. I realize we were so lucky to be blessed with people who were willing to help, no questions asked. We were so impressed with the wig (which was only like $45 by the way and could be straightened, curled, and styled) that we ended up going back to the costume shop later for orange makeup, which helps as a base to counteract the blue of a underlying mustache. 

These were the first few things we did to build a foundation for Kylie to get ready for full time, but here are also some things we did that brought Kylie a lot of joy:

–Pedicures night at home (most mens shoes are closed toed, so why not have pink toes!)

–Got her a makeup bag, eyeliner, mascara, lipstick and did a MAKEOVER night while teaching her how to put them on correctly. I then had her go into my closet and try everything on that would fit her and give me a fashion show. SO. MUCH. FUN.

–Before she had transitioned to full time, we did a night where we went to another town (to avoid running into people we know) and we glammed her out with curled hair, a fab dress, big sunglasses, purse, etc. It helped get a taste for being out in public as herself so she knew a little bit how it would feel when it came time. 

***I just asked Kylie what was the most important thing that we did at the beginning for her and I totally forgot about the most important step for us (DUH!) 

She said it was us sitting down at the coffee shop and writing out a timeline for her transition on a piece of paper (see earlier post for what it looked like). She said writing out a plan that both of us agreed on made it real and essentially….possible. I totally get it, she had spent 26 years thinking it would never be possible. 

It was also huge for me to have a plan of when things would happen so I could prepare myself mentally to go through the ups and downs while staying strong in my belief that we were worth all of it.

So, celebrate the good of this life and change your question to….what fun can we have next?

My badass chica

Happy Coming Out Day from your average, run-of-the-mill pansexual/transgender lesbian couple.

Kylie is in a new stage of her transition...free drinks from guys ☺️

Making time for a self-care today. I just left a high stress job for a low stress job that allows me to have more time with Kylie. Having a detox day so I can start this new chapter and come back to my center.