dear white male writers: DO NOT DO THIS

These horrific, sexist, racist paragraphs - screenshotted and shared for posterity by James Smythe, to whom we are all indebted - are the work of one Liam O’Flynn, a writer and English teacher. Evidently, they come from his book Writing With Stardust: the Ultimate Descriptive Guide for students, parents, teachers, and lovers of English, and are intended as examples of good writing.

UM.

Dear white male writers: DO NOT DO THIS SHIT. IT IS SUPER GROSS AND FETISHISTIC AND ALSO TERRIBLE WRITING. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS. 

Like I just. “Her virility-brown eyes -” WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN? How can you have an “Amazonian figure” ON a “wafer-thin body” when “figure” is a word that describe’s a body’s shape, and Amazonian means pretty much the DIRECT FUCKING OPPOSITE of “wafer-thin” in the first place?  What the shitting fuck does ANY of this mean, apart from “I am only nebulously familiar with the concept of women and completely at a loss if I can’t compare their various bodyparts to jewels, animals and footstuffs”?

STOP 

GO TO WRITING JAIL

GO DIRECTLY TO WRITING JAIL, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200

tag yourself i’m the two beryl-green jewels in the snow

if her ears frame her nose do they like, grow directly beside her nose? how does she see from them? 

*facepalm*

“ Writing With Stardust: the Ultimate Descriptive Guide for students, parents, teachers, and lovers of English “

lovers of english

oh my goddddddd

i can’t get over this fucking post

“I loved her nebulous, eden-green eyes which were a-sparkle with the ‘joie de vivre’. They were like two beryl-green jewels melted onto snow.”

1. what the fuck is joie de vivre

2. melted jewels?

3. beryl green

eden green:

WHICH ONE IS ITTTTTTTTT

@laughlikesomethingbroken “Joie de vivre” is a French phrase that literally translates to “joy of living”, while it IS one of those phrases that gets used in English in this context it is SO EXTRA AND UNNECESSARY OH MY GOD. Don’t use French to make yourself sound sophisticated when you’re NOT I don’t know where to even START. Curvilinear waist? Sugar candy-sweet? What the FUCK are seraph’s ears? Voguish clothes? What the everloving fuck is “constellation blue” supposed to mean??? Like forget the objectification, this writing is horrifying enough before we even get to the embedded sexism

seraph’s ears are ears that you can’t see bc they’re hidden behind her 6 wings

Oyster white teeth?

holy purple prose batman

Female writers do this too. Have you read a Mills and Boon novel? Have you read high school girls’ yaoi fanfics?

Uh oh, we were focusing too much on how a grown man is selling this shit and not enough shitting on teenage girls. Egalitarians here to put an end to that shit.

Guess what? I’ve read A LOT of Harlequin novels and a LOT of fanfic and I have never ever seen anything this horrible at description.

Also, none of those stories were trying to hold themselves up as high examples of the craft

You guys here is the description of the book on Amazon.

If this is the description I cannot think how bad the inside is.

I never ever want to hear anyone make fun of fanfic writers again

NEVER EVER

Lord god almighty. I’ve been feeling really down about my writing lately, but this is a confidence boost. 8I

“single but in a long term relationship”

3.6/5 is entirely too high a Goodreads score for this book

… that second one is describing a dog.

As well as the sexism, racism, purple prose, and general nonsense… “The moons delicate light”? At least learn to use apostrophes correctly before setting yourself up as a writing expert, good lord.

“You will find that this book will transform the way you think about descriptive writing.”

Well it sure did that…

Gosh

If he has the confidence to sell and teach this stuff, you deserve to sell yours too!

Ahh, but we’ve also encouraged murder during countless of streams, so the hope is not lost yet ;)

I am not a straight people.

Reblog if you are also not a straight people.

Sparkles for everyone

Such a fancy little boy, yikes forever!

Look at this cutie, recommending me. I RECOMMEND HIM. 

https://www.twitch.tv/pixl_pit

go watch him, he’s a sweetheart.

Both of my precious people being wholesome to eachother is the content I live for.

Good boy

Okay, okay. we MAY got overexcited for @pixlpit new hair and dropped a lot of subs and bits.

But I mean, CAN YOU BLAME US???

Also, First Rule of the Pixlpit Community. Do not tell us to NOT give out subs. We will give you ALL THE SUBS.

(also also, stream fanart after a LOT)

Number one rule of Pit Crew right there <3

You can still carry that title. Live your dreams!

There are a lot of times I feel like just…flipping the vegan script.

It’s not ‘polyester’ it’s plastic

It’s not ‘vegan leather’ it’s plastic

Its not ‘faux fur’ it’s plastic

Plastic is a pollutant and causes far more damage to the environment both now and in the future than leather or wool.

Please stop telling me that the Plastic Lyfe is the only life, it is not. My leather shoes will last a decade where pleather is lucky to last 12 months. Leather (and wool) decompose and are renewable. Plastic is neither of those.

THANK YOUUUUUUU~

A single wash cycle of plastic-based fiber (polyester, poly fleece, faux fur) may release 700,000 pieces of microplastic into our waters. Nasty stuff.

aw dangit

Wool is the most environmentally friendly fabric despite being an animal product.

Using wool isnt even harming sheep 

Sheep need to be sheered or else it will cause serious problems. It’s a mutual relationship, we help sheep get rid of the pesky wool and it gives us a very useful material.

This has been a Burning Hot Take™

Also chickens will lay eggs no matter what!! That’s literally what chickens do!!! You are not eating “chick embryos”!!! If you’re worried about supporting the corporate mass farming industry, buy from a local free-range chicken owner! Almost anywhere has farmer’s markets!

This is the part where we talk about how the demand for agave nectar as an alternative to honey is destroying the habitat of the endangered long-nosed bat, which lives on agave.

Bees literally make an excess of honey, too much for them to handle. Beekeepers are helping them by taking honey. BEE MOVIE WAS LITERALLY ABOUT THIS HOLY SHIT

If you dare come at me about banning straws, I will throw you into the sun cannon. I’m disabled, I’m crippled, I need disposable plastic straws, and all those pricey ridiculous alternatives aren’t working as well. Plastic straws were invented for the disabled.

Way to shit all over a vital access need because you think straws are worse than corporate greed.

We all care about the turtles, the seals, the oceans, obviously. Notice how the easiest thing to yell about was something that would barely affect anything but appealed heavily to emotional discourse.

The disabled community is huge, and it can be joined by anyone. Most of those As Seen On TV products were invented for us. Society still mocks us and ignores us, and often outright harms us in multiple ways.

Communicate better. Listen better. But stop putting us out in the cold because you are inconvenienced by our simplest needs.

Straws aren’t killing the planet, its animals, or people. They’re a microscopic fraction of an iota of a percentage of the problem. You want to do something? Ban plastic fishing nets. Anything else is just a hollow feel-good gesture at the expense of real living disabled people.

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2018/03/great-pacific-garbage-patch-plastics-environment/

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/ocean-plastic-fishing-waste_n_5bc47dc9e4b0bd9ed55c1f60

i have an environmental degree and i’ve been saying this since this straw ‘debate’ started: its all a tactic by those in power to distract people’s attention from bigger issues such as fishing waste. don’t fall for it. and don’t be a dick to disabled people who need straws to make their lives easier.

THANK YOU

i wish people would stop romanticizing not eating breakfast and not getting enough sleep and being dependent on coffee to function and always being in a bad mood and treating yourself poorly because that behavior is very unhealthy for you

especially amongst students it seems to be a competition on who had the least amount of sleep or ate the least or didnt do their work. stop it!!! go to bed and eat breakfast!!!! seriously it isnt cute please be nice to yourself

Honestly, even now I feel guilty FOR SLEEPING AND EATING BREAKFAST because so many people talk about running on very little sleep and skipping meals that I feel I should be too. It’s an awful mentality

Jacksepticeye quote:

I had to write this down, because I thought it was so good and maybe other people need to hear this:

Please, for the absolute love of anything good, take care of your brains. You only have one of them, you have to listen to it more than anyone else does. Make sure that what’s going on up in here is sorted out first, because what is going on in here and what you think about yourself matters way more than what anybody else in the entire world can say about you.

So if you can get that in check and love and appreciate yourself first… I’m still working on it, we all are… but if you can get to a good place in that way, then everything else becomes a lot easier.

JSE 2019

To hear him say it, here’s the original video. (14:10 for the quote.)

when yr paranoia is rlly vague so its just like