@stukkeruva2000   Unmute !

I wait for this every year.

how do i @ amazon directly and say that i wont watch the fucjing boys specificqlly because of their ads

if i dont stop seeing this ugly beard dude every time i open the app im uninstalling it from my phone

reblog this with what your parents almost named you 

do you ever wish you could unread a book or unwatch a movie/tv show just so you could go back and experience it all again as if it were brand new

put in the tags what you wish you could experience for the first time again

this quarantine got me feeling like luke’s guy walker… trapped on dagobah with that gay little frog, help LOL!

Lady Gaga for Paper Magazine, this is one of her best photoshoot EVER

The rah-rah bitch is back. 

Every power except it’s all about the ocean

The Lonely: stepping out on deck at night, silent except for the crashing of the waves, like nothing else is alive and it is only you and the uncaring waters below

The Vast: cast your eyes to the horizon, there is nothing but smooth dark water, unbroken and unending.

The Buried: choking, desperate grasping hands as you are pulled deeper and deeper below the surface, the pressure is crushing and your lungs spasm in protest

The Slaughter: crashing waves beat down on your vessel, senseless, indifferent to your desperate prayers

The Dark: deep below the waves, the sun has never reached here, the black is as oppressive as the pressure

The Flesh: creatures beyond imagination lurk below the sea, their bodies soft and malleable, their size dwarves the cities you used to live in

The Stranger: did you know that 95% of the ocean is unexplored? What horrors are hiding beneath the waves? What horror will you become once you dive in?

The Eye: The Stars Are Watching You

The Hunt: whale hunting, you set out on your large gleaming boats, you hunt the creatures down and slay them, hauling their carcasses back to shore. It’s never enough, it’ll never be enough. You must return to sea

The Spiral: ocean madness has seized you, the voyage is so long, the sea spins around you, the waters glow unnatural colours. You fall in

The Desolation: your ship’s engine has caught on fire, the heat is unbearable now, all of the ocean’s waters cannot help you now

The Corruption: The food is rotted, the water is foul. Your men are bloody mouthed and dead eyed. There are already flies.

The Web: The crew has been driven to mutiny, you hear the whispers of their plans even as you sleep. Lies and plots, each thicker than the one before it.

BONUS:

The Extinction: the ocean will take back what it has born

Can I offer Ocean Fears; Historical Modifications

The Desolation is the doldrums, oppressive heat and no wind and dwindling water, carefully rationed. You’re becalmed so you can swim but you come out with the taste of salt on your lips and thirstier. The sea is flat, like glass, like a mirror, like a fire-scoured field. You drift for days until your ship is empty, all hands either abandoning it for the sea’s cool death or dried into the scattered husks that litter the deck. The Stranger is Port. You know your crew, small band though you are. Every face, every body. How they stand and sit and dream, can recognise them by voice or feet, when covered top to toe in oilskins, when it’s the flash of a bright white smile in the dark of the middle watch. Port is abrupt, sudden constant. There are Too Many People and you will never, ever know any of them as well as you know the crew. Every face is strange, unfamiliar. You Don’t Know Them. Who Are They? Port is also where crew changes take place, the uneasy knowledge that you’ll lose a few hands and gain some lubbers bright-eyed and eager for adventure. Did the mate always look like that? You think so, but you can’t be sure. They came back from a night of drinking and they haven’t changed. Have they?

That couple from If You Like Piña Coladas meeting up like

CONGRATS MR. WORLDWIDE WEBSTER

January 2, 2020

The Magnus archives season one: the spooky man, he's coming for your bones.

The Magnus archives season four: the terror that fills the latest generation as they face the catostrophic consequences of climate change and other existential threats has allowed a new entity to form. This entity manifests in the form of the spooky man, who's coming for your bones

me bathing my dog: ohhhhh does she like the water!!! is it waaarrrm!!! ooooo shes gonna be so cleeeaaaan shes a clean little goorrrl gonna smell so goooood!!!!!

my dog in the tub looking like a sad wet rat:

I looked through the notes and these are definitely the best examples of OP’s point

im reading about cowboy phrases and sayings and like 95% of them are just solid life advice

like idk how accurate these are but somehow they manage to be both peak shitposting humor and genuinely helpful suggestions

fuck self-help books and therapy, all i need to make it in life is my trusty Cowboy Tips™

i go to a catholic school and catholic boys are the dumbest creatures alive. today in the dining hall a boy (john) asked another boy (john ii) “hey do you know what new zealands official language is?” and the boy (john ii) said without a hint of hesitation, “arabic.” and the boy (john) was like “ok thanks bro. i love you.” 

The best LASIK voicemail submission from MBMBAM 473 (from Alex)

The reverse progression of Modern Humans to simple life forms. 

mutuals, lets do this