tried my best

hatchery work is so funny to me bc if you eat a wild caught alaskan salmon there’s real life nonzero chance that I put its egg in a bucket, covered it in milt (salmon semen) and stirred it all together with my bare hands. and now ur eating it. idk what that makes us to each other but don’t forget it

anger is such a funny emotion because ill be sitting down eating lunch and suddenly i understand why orcas kill for fun

Effeminate dentist: You need to brush more on your gums-- hold on why am I "effeminate?" What? I'm literally just a normal dentist. A masculine one, even.

Me: (struggling to speak through the dentist's fingers) youw weren't shupposhed to shee that

Sing, nightingale, sing.

Every protein bar is called something like "double chocolate indulgence caramel cookie dough delight crunch" and tastes like clay and sawdust

airplane i made 4 my friend

@elodieunderglass 🐔✈️

The only difficulty is the baggage chick

Teeth are bullshit. What do you mean you’re decaying. Get a fucking grip. You’re a bone now act like it. You don’t see my finger bones decaying from jerking it too much now do you

really? another album? didn't she just make one??

taylor swift is the MCU of music

do you realize what you're wishing on me

mike’s hard past couple of months

sorry for liking when women got blood all over em but i'm a feminist

THE TYRANNY OF THE SUN IS OVER

false alarm it burns again

unfortunately no eclipse photography can ever outdo the waffle house one from 2017

i don't even know who took this pic. the only person who claims to know the photographer was this person who uploaded it to reddit without naming them. it just adds to the mystery of it