Kerfuffle

mom was describing a tattoo a girl once took her to a back bedroom to show her, which was a fishing pole low on her pelvis with a line and hook that descended into her bush where a small clownfish hid amongst the hair. and that’s just. that’s a goal. and the ultimate freedom from obligation, like “gah I would shave but it would ruin my very good joke, what are you gonna do, I gotta make sure there’s foliage for my little clownfish to hide in”

then mom finished telling me this and looked off for a moment. “my god,” she said. “she was flirting with me. fuck. goddamn it.” 

Middle-aged magical girl.

She's been defending the Earth since the early 90s and she's very tired.

My name is Tominaga Haruka. I was chosen by a magical talking animal, and for the last 29 years I've been Earth's one and only... Wonder-Sparkle Princess.

she's been fighting the same villains for three decades and they are also tired of it. Most of them aren't giving it their all. Half of them are in a groupchat they've added her to where they schedule their evil plans to make sure they don't interfere with each other, or more importantly, with *her* Xalkrax the space demon from outer space decided to attack the city when she was taking her vacation time once, and now he's dead, because even the power of friendship and redemption can't save you if you interrupt her rare vacations

Demon Queen Eluria: Gonna fill the city people's hearts with hatred on thursday to cause mayhem and discord.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Can't, got a PTA meeting.

Demon Queen Eluria: Friday?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: A birthday party.

Demon Queen Eluria: Damn. How about I fill just the mayor's heart with hatred then?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: That'd be redundant, lol. Maybe fill his heart with a desire to fix the fucking potholes?!

Demon Queen Eluria: LMFAO love you, bitch. Stay strong.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: You too, gurl. How's the husband? Still dead?

Demon Queen Eluria: Yep. Thanks for that, btw.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Don't mess with my time off :p

Why are people tagging this '#wonder sparkle princess' like that's a thing and not a name I made up exclusively for this post?

Congratulations on inventing a new tumblr deity!!

She isn't 29 years old. She's been a magical girl for 29 years. If she started at 14 (typical magical girl protagonist age) then she'd be 43.

Assigned magic girl at birth

Here's a useless thought my head just supplied me with that I absolutely can't use.

Co-op game where if one player sees another, they die.

Both die? Just the one who does the seeing? Just the one who is seen? All players or just one crucial character? Do reflections count?

"Don't turn around. I'm right behind you. I'm going to put the mcguffin down behind you and go around the corner, I'll tell you when it's safe to turn around; let me know when you're looking away again."

Tags from @spectroscopic-gayety

Yes this, I love this idea

I get my media recommendations the old fashioned way: by watching someone I follow on here go on an unhinged reblog spree of media related content until I eventually decide to go "alright, what's all this then"

An ad for your deepest desires :)

You know what I just admire the graphic design on this

It FEELS so much like a real ad I expect to be sold some sort of car tyre or something but it’s just about biting

1000/10 excellent job

how many times do we have to say "acting like an autistic character wouldnt know about sex is weird" until it actually sinks in and people stop saying autistic characters wouldnt know about sex

once had a woman tell me she didn’t think I’m “capable of consenting.” 🫠

The best piece of advice I ever got was not meant as advice, but as an edict. If I was going to threaten people as a joke, it had to be so far out of proportion with what happened that it would be obvious I was joking. This changed how I expressed frustration with others. It then changed how I expressed frustration with myself.

Not “I’m going to hit you” but “I am going to buy a tuna sub from the gas station and hide it under the seat of your car”

Not “I’m going to kill myself” but “I am going to walk into the desert and let the scarabs take me”

The other side then happened. When I mess something up, instead of saying it’s bad and perpetuating negative thoughts, swing hard the other way.

Not “this art is terrible” but “this shall be framed and mounted on the wall in my museum exhibition as testament to the suffering I had to overcome”

Have been doing this since high school. It was my drama teacher who asked me to please stop scaring the actors. The other half of the edict was that I had to say it in a polite tone, and end it with either please or thank you.

Life changing. 10/10 Mr Muëller. Highly reccomend.

lol

#Queued

Which means you saw this, could have told me, but instead, you chose this course. You chose violence. I'll be adding you to the list of traitors to be embroidered in the tapestry of my throne room.

I think Odysseus is the guy everyone else makes talk to the cops when they show up to bust the party.

I think he could do a really good “Hello officer, how are you?” if he had to.

YEAH EXACTLY

Athena is standing behind him whispering the bylaws into his ear.

hold on i need to look this up

it’s been 15 minutes have you finished reading the Odyssey yet?

perhaps some will disagree, but i think the world got worse when we changed the colour of the night

this is what i mean

Via @bulbaderp

To be clear, THIS is how nights of the future should be lit

This is bat friendly street lighting, which not only looks sick as fuck but allows bats to pass through without disturbance, as they cannot see red.

orange and especially white lights deter bats and prevent them from reaching feeding grounds at nighttime. Please if you can, write to your local council and encourage red street lights!!!!

#The third season of Good Omens looks really good

today I learned that in 2008, the city council of florence overturned dante’s sentence of execution if he returned from exile. yes, dante’s inferno dante, who died in 1321.

but the funniest part of this is not that they were debating the exile of a man who has been dead for over 500 years.

the funniest part is that the vote was 19-5. five people voted to uphold dante’s exile.

The objectively funniest part of this is actually that the city that holds his remains, Ravenna, refused to give his remains back. This was a ploy from florence to have his remains moved back for the tourist money and its been ongoing for a long time. Florence had a fake tomb built in the city to trick people into visiting, and have tried to force the return of the remains.

His actual caretakers have been very steadfast in keeping them hidden, moved, or generally out of reach to respect his choice in life to never, ever, ever return to florence, even when he was first offered the chance to return. This is at this point an almost millenium long feud that florence is really, really mad about losing

so basically the five people who wanted to uphold his exile were in the right

The day Bones clicked "dislike" and "unsubscribe" from Spock's newsletter

so, did I ever tell you guys about the time my roommate accidentally simulated gender dysphoria in VR?

too bad, i’m posting it anyway

My roommate is a cis man who sometimes makes lady characters in video games because why not? So when he started a new VR game and made a lady character, he didn’t think anything of it.

But then he heard the NPCs talking about him with fem pronouns. He got miss/ma’am’d - and indeed, milady’d. This had never bothered him in non-VR games, but in VR it’s much easier to feel like you are actually in the room. They’re not talking about the avatar you control; they’re talking about you. They’re looking at you.

Then he happened across a mirror. He saw his pretty lady character instead of his internal picture of what his body looks like. He moved and saw his avatar’s body move in sync.

And it was so unsettling that he started over with a new character. He asked if that was what dysphoria was like. I told him “yeah, that’s def in the ballpark” and he was floored, like, “HOLY SHIT, how does anyone deal?”

And sometimes I wish I could shove people into a VR headset and give them that experience. 

also yes, of course I tried the game with a male character. I went straight for the mirror and it sounds silly but I was honestly awe-stricken and almost cried. Yet another “yep, definitely trans” moment.

One of my favourite things on Leverage is when Eliot gets to grift and just plays the most unhinged guy and seems to have the most fun doing it

sobbing into my plate after overhearing a conversation between a mom and her tiny daughter in this shopping centre food court

this one buffet type restaurant is away from the main food court, on the upper floor of the shopping centre - nearly no one goes there, so even in the wild rush of pre-christmas shopping, it's fairly quiet.

it's a mother with a daughter, kindergarten age. they sit at the table next to me, each with their own plate, having a quiet conversation. the daughter eats very quickly, stuffing her mouth, you know how kids sometimes do. the mother tells her, very softly:

"remember what we talked about? you and your tummy are a team and you have to be a team player! let's make sure you chew your food well so it has an easier job later, and has enough time to tell you once you're full"

the child nods, very serious and focused, because she has a very Important Mission now after all. she begins eating slower, chewing well, and additionally taking some time to Ponder the food on the fork before chomping a bit of the many different dishes she picked small portions of.

"what is your favourite thing from your plate?" the mom asks, and the child points to something on the plate. "why? what's the flavour?" the mom continues, and the daughter replies, taking the time to describe the flavour and the texture, even though she "doesn't know what it is at all but it's yummy" and the mother smiles and explains to her what that food is. I think it was mozzarella, in the form of those small balls that work well for salads and appetizers.

once the daughter's plate is empty, she looks at it a bit puzzled.

"are you still hungry?" asks the mom and as the child nods, she says "let's give it a moment so your tummy can catch up as well." - a moment passes - "still hungry?"

the child nods enthusiastically. "alright, let's walk over to the buffet and we'll pick something more"

"can you bring?" the child asks and the mom just says, smiling:

"no, because you should choose what looks like it will make you not hungry anymore. also, walking a bit will help your tummy understand how much more food you two need to feel full so you're no longer hungry but you're also not too full so that you feel uncomfortable or nauseous" and they went to get more food.

it might not sound impressive or interesting, but she was so kind and patient, and the child was clearly happy and curious and receptive to the information she was learning about her own body and how food works. none of "you have to eat the whole plate" under the threat of some punishment, none of "that's enough, you've had enough, you're not hungry anymore" none of "you'll eat what I picked out for you and that's it, no discussion." I don't know. I hope they had a nice rest of the day