This was sent to us anonymously about Ryan O’Connor:
First of all, I have to tell my story anonymously for personal and professional reasons. I knew from very early on that the person in question was an ‘unpleasant’ one, to say the least, but could never pinpoint the reason I continuously forgave him for his behaviour and actions. Almost two years after seeing him last, reports of similar behaviour emerged on my news feed that rang alarm bells. After reading the stories of other girls and talking to those who had been treated similarly by the same person, I finally understood why I once found myself stuck in a manipulative ‘relationship’ with a disturbed Ryan O’Connor.
Like other women, I deleted all messages from him to clear him a long time ago, but I do keep diaries, in which I wrote almost everything that went on, in the goriest of details.
I met Ryan in our first year of University. As a fresher I was keen to find people I had things in common with and potentially meet ‘friends for life’. From the early days, I felt that I got on well with Ryan. He seemed mature, but shy and sensitive, funny, clever, interested in culture and I always admired his passion for creating film. As I knew the area, I took him to the city and showed him the best parts. I loved watching him taking gorgeous photos while we were out and I loved looking at his vast collection of photographs he’d taken in the past that he’s stuck all over his walls in his bedroom. I thought we hit it off. I thought wrong, obviously.
To me, there was this undeniable sexual tension that I felt embarrassed to admit to, very early on in the ‘relationship’ (at this point I’d like to point out that there was never an official relationship between us, but there doesn’t seem to be a word that describes the ‘situation’ better). At 21, I was no stranger to the odd one night stand or casual sex, but I did not predict the strange uncontrollable situation I would find myself in with Ryan.
A few days after our first sexual encounter, he gave me this sob story about his ‘ex’ confessing her love for him, still, and that he didn’t know what to do about it. Despite this he still showed affection towards me while muttering the words ‘friends don’t do this’. I wrote in my diary “I know I’m going to get hurt” and I was right, but he just kept luring me in.
About a week or two later he started lying about where he was and what he was doing and the sweet, gentle affection had stopped. I didn’t know what was going on. He told me more stories about his ‘ex’ (which may be true, but who knows what was genuine and what wasn’t?). Despite this, he kept inviting me to see him and spend time with him, and for some reason that my diary can’t even tell me, I went.
This situation went on and on for months which was made twice as difficult since he’d moved into the same flat as me due to circumstances involving a flatmate of mine and his old flatmates. He treated me like shit, hardly spoke to me or show any interest in me and then boom, out of nowhere he would be all over me, when it suited him. I knew it wasn’t healthy but I couldn’t understand why I just kept going back. It wasn’t like me. I’d been in casual relationships before but had never felt so attached and uncomfortable as this. I began to feel incredibly low and self conscious and so embarrassed about the situation that I couldn’t even admit it to myself in my diaries. I no longer trusted my own judgement and labelled myself useless with men. I’d lost a lot of self confidence and found myself trapped.
About 6 months after we met, Ryan was still playing the “I hate you but I think you’re hot’ game, but I was trying desperately hard to stay away, which is difficult when I lived with him. I knew it wasn’t possible to ignore him so I tried to be a good friend. I helped him with his videos for Youtube, which was starting to kick off, going from around 600 subscribers to about 2,000 by the end of the academic year (if I remember correctly, could be more). I featured in a few, which I enjoyed doing. But by this point he was just using me for what he wanted and left. For me, it all came crashing to an emotional, but relieving end when he brought a relatively famous female Youtuber to the flat, without introducing her to anyone or telling anyone she was coming. They had sex so incredibly loudly, in the middle of the afternoon that it made everyone feel uncomfortable. It turned my stomach and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I knew then that I had to end the situation between us. I left to go home for the weekend and felt refreshed by the time I got back a few days later.
From then on there is no mention of Ryan in my diary, except for an 8 hour stay in A&E, when I took him in my car. I’d like to point out that he was fine. During this time he was nothing but kind and thankful to me. I didn’t let this draw me back in as I’d written in my diary that I was ‘happy to help him out but he is still a prize A dick’. He left the first year early in the April and didn’t come back. I was happy to see him go but since we’d been civil with each other for a while by this point I did hug him goodbye.
So I never understand why I found myself stuck in such a destructive relationship that made me feel lower than I ever had about myself before. After reading Pimbolammy’s confession I understood why. The thought that he was manipulating me never crossed my mind until I recently looked back at my diary entry. It all makes sense to my now, but what doesn’t, is why he continued to treat other ladies in a similar way, except by this year he had an internet persona with which he would lure girls in. There seems to be many of us that have been hurt by Ryan O’Connor, and i think it was wise of him to remove himself from social media because if anyone has any sense they would avoid him like the plague. I’ll be the first to admit that his films are clever and that he is talented, but I’m afraid that his personality and manipulative ways tarnish that.