Shit you hear in vet med

Vet: Why did you bring me one catheter?

Student: Is it the wrong size?

Vet: No, but why did you only grab one?

Student: ???

Vet: Hasn’t anyone told you that you need at least 3 or you’ll curse the vein?

Student: it’s such a good vein I didn’t think we’d need extra

Vet: *stares*

Vet: *preps other leg while educating about how to not curse a vein*

This student probably doesn’t know the cursed Q and S words, either.

This is the first month that I’ve been on prosal and today I’m honestly so glad that I chose to do it. I didn’t want to at first because I thought I’d be “tempted” or something and legit that’s so dumb. Most of us are on salary and don’t get any kind of overtime or anything. So on days like today where I had 5 emergencies in 4 hours and ended up staying almost 2 hour after close, I was basically working for free before. Now I at least get something for my time. And you know what? I don’t feel guilty about it. It doesn’t change how I practice medicine. It doesn’t make me offer services that I shouldn’t. It doesn’t stop me from trying to cut a bill down as much as I can. But oh it makes me feel so much better to know I’m at least getting paid for my time. And screw feeling guilty about that. I worked my ass off today and was almost reduced to tears from the emotional and physical stress. So you know what? Fuck the mentality that made me feel like I didn’t deserve to be paid for this.

Prosal is a great thing! I’m glad you made the switch. I wouldn’t go to straight salary.

Now as an aside from my personal experience on prosal…

My previous job (first ever as a vet) was corporate, though I won’t specify which one. We were prosal but the kicker was that if you didn’t meet your production quota, you went into negative accrual.

A coworker that had to go out on medical leave for a year had 12 months of negative accrual. They wouldn’t forgive it.

During my last couple years there they tried to say they got rid of negative accrual due to being overwhelmingly unpopular (no, you don’t say). Really all they did was go from monthly to quarterly production, and average out the ups and downs.

You want to talk about essentially being told to upsell products so you could break even. That’s it.

Me: “Hi, it’s Dr. Blank. What’s going on with Doofers?”

Owner: “He had surgery Wednesday and when we took the bandage off leg, the bone is showing!”

Me: “I see we neutered Doofers on Wednesday. Nothing was done with his leg other than a catheter. How long ago did you notice this?”

Owner: “Wednesday”

Me: “His bone has been exposed since Wednesday?”

Owner: “Yes”

Me: “I’m sorry, this sounds serious. Can you send a photo?”

Owner:

“His skin is gone”

Me: “Ok. So, his fur has been shaved for the IV catheter. But his skin is intact, is there a wound you can see?”

Owner: “You can see the bone right there. It wasn’t like this before the surgery.”

Me: “You can see the shape of his bone, yes, but his skin is still covering it. If you look at your own wrist see how you can see that bony bump? But it’s not exposed bone, it’s covered by skin.”

Owner: “His skin has been shaved off. His arm is skinny.”

Me: “His fur is shaved off. His skin is under the fur. It’s like when you get a hair cut.”

Owner: “But I can see the bone.”

Me: “Ok well let’s get him in for an appointment because that is serious. You can come right now.”

Owner: “I can’t come until Wednesday.”

Me: “We really need to see him, he could be very sick.”

Owner: “We can’t. I’ll call back.”

I’m crying because the STRUGGLE. IS. REAL

Oh sweet potatoes, some people…

— William Osler M.D., The Medical Library in Post-graduate Work (1909). (via mednerds)

Take heed. Sometimes history repeats and sometimes the people who came before us know what the hell they’re talking about. Never let medicine be the only thing that you are or do.

"Why Don't You Call the Cops?"

Lots of people want to know why veterinarians don't call the cops when there is suspected or actual animal abuse.

TL;DR is that the police often don't care or cannot do anything.

The longer version is more complex. First, what constitutes abuse? Unfortunately in many jurisdictions if an animal has food, water, and shelter it doesn't matter what medical condition it is in. I've had some really horrible cases and I have called the police and no charges were brought because the owner brought the animal to the vet which shows good intent. Never mind if they refuse all care, simply bringing the pet to the clinic can be enough.

Another issue is the sheer number of cases that could qualify as abuse. It's sad but I have to be selective about which cases I choose to report because the likelihood of anything being done is less when there are multiple other cases.

A major issue, at least for me, is my personal safety as well as that of the pet and other people in the home. On more than a few occasions the police have given my name or at least my clinic information to the person who I filed a complaint about. Call anonymously right? Often if they don't hear that it is a veterinarian they just don't follow up at all. I once reported someone because their dog was clearly being abused and I suspected the man's wife was as well. The police did a check and found nothing amiss but the next time I saw the woman she had a broken arm. I'll never know if it was related to my report but I worry I will endanger someone's life by reporting abuse of a pet.

Getting headbutted by big dogs with muzzles on is always a stinger. They just whip their heads up and smack you in the jaw when you’re trying to restrain them.

Once, the dog caught me sort of in the chin/mouth/nose and split the inside of my lip and gave me a little nose bleed. A few years later, a (human) Dr attributed this event to my deviated septum in my nose which I would eventually have to get corrective surgery on.

So like minor but also a whole thing 😂

I got scratched by a dead cat. It's claws were out and wouldn't retract because of rigor.

Also cut myself badly enough to need stitches during a necropsy on a dog.

I've put a knife through a calf's whole face (from beneath it's lower jaw out through the top of it's nose) and into my hand during necropsy because it had a surprise infection compromising the bones in its nose. That was fun

I had an iguana bitchslap me in the face with his tail, does that count?

Got head-butted by a 120 pound Mastiff, got a concussion.

Backstory — the dog was SWEET AS PIE, first of all. Due to other health conditions he developed glaucoma in both eyes and the owners had already done an enucleation on one side and were having me perform the second. He was completely blind and scared.

He also had skin like an elephant. We were placing an IV catheter but it just wasn’t working because wow could we not find the cephalic vein in all that skin. It was my turn as the Hail Mary pass (aka “when everyone else has tried, get the doctor”) and I’d given it two tries. Two pokes is my max. An RVT who hadn’t been in the room came to try, so I gave up my post and started to move and help hold.

This movement was to rock forward towards the dog, with the intent of shuffling on my knees to help hold his head/hold off his vein. It also happened to occur at the same time that the dog threw his head up because he was getting anxious.

Dog head. Human chin. Collision course that ended in a THUNK loud enough to be heard across the room.

I used him as a pillow while I “helped” restrain him but when I went to stand I nearly fell over again. Suffice to say that surgery didn’t happen that day.

so hard to find a decent exorcist these days :/

“Hi, yes, my exorcism request case id is XXXXXX.  It’s set as low-priority in your ticketing system, right?  Well my vet says she would like a WORD with you and she’s much more intimidating than the demon.” 

Damn right I’m more intimidating…

This is a reminder that we need a current physical on your animals to be able to prescribe meds for fireworks. So please don’t wait until July 3rd to call us and then get mad when we have no appointments available. We legally cannot prescribe medications for an animal without an up to date physical exam. No, we cannot make exceptions. So if you have an animal that needs meds for fireworks, call your vet first thing Monday morning and get on the schedule. If you’re lucky you can still get in on time.

Everyone agrees! Your intestines squirming around like eels in your belly is horrifying!

IM SORRY THEY FUCKING WHAT NOW?

The racks even have hooks to keep them from squirming right off and onto the floor apparently. They desperately want to escape our bodies

Intestines are muscles, and function involuntarily. If your muscles did not squirm around, then they wouldn’t be able to move food through them, thus you wouldn’t gain any nutrients from anything you eat, and the food would spoil and make you sick. I agree the squirmy wormies are a bit unsettling, but hey it’s actually really good for you! Your intestines work so hard for it! Please give them a little love.

I don’t like that get them out

Okay…this is unsettling.

This post is actually my nightmare

Breaking News! You are full of eels!

#wait til you hear about how they put them back#they just stuff them back in and the mesenteric lining slowly pulls them back into place#no helping required#so it 100% looks like a bunch of squiggly eels getting comfortable in their space again (via lampfaced)

we all make jokes about humans being weird, and aliens finding them strange as hell but honestly we’re very creepy and strange creatures

Dogs and cats = smaller, a little less prone to eeling their way onto the floor. Not big enough for one thing. Horses are another matter entirely.

Cool to watch them, though!

Check out the tumblr @theexoticvet for your reptile needs. I know he’s a good one!

When radiologists take a selfie

dead

Wait I’ve seen this

Every radiology professor ever:

“DO NO. EXPOSE. YOUR EXTREMITIES. IN THE BEAM.”