judy hopps is a cop who leverages a strangers felony tax evasion to get him to put his life in danger and work around the clock so that she can keep her job

she then presumably helps him cover up his crime to get him a job on the same police force

judy hopps has some very nice feet but we need to remember that she’s still a cop

just fyi for everyone out there using tumblr on this day that you can reblog a post without the extra commentary by clicking the OP’s URL on the original post

adoption

“Cleanse me, Mother”

“thank”

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?

Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.

Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok

Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts

Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes

Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks

A++ addition

Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?

Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great

I LOVE THIS

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.

Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.

So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.

Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal. 

“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”

Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”

…perfect

I don’t like actual murder mysteries, but this is perfect

S a t e l l i t e

they will defeat thanos

Goodnight, gamers

*despawns*

me: I don’t need a MAN

my sex drive:

me holding my pet up to a mirror: look it’s you :]

my pet:

I can feel…the serotonin and dopamine dropping…i need to make…Crafts

i must make…

B…

B e a d l i z a r d

I have seen these things for years but never knew how to make them so I must thank op for this new knowledge

You can say Joss Whedon it’s okay

You’re like our local hero, man. It would mean a lot.

+ bonus

i got introduced to this girl who’s an art major in college and while we were talking she told me that true artists suffer for their art and i asked her if she suffers for her art and she kind of sat there for a second and then she was just like “one time i couldn’t draw two eyes similar enough to each other so i curled up on the floor and cried for like fifteen minutes”

AAAAAAAAAAAÄAAAAHHHHHHHHH

gdx t cd hsjdkgkguajrjdhfjalfivyau

Don’t worry, he’s transphobic, too

when you order regular fries and you get a few curly fries