Helping Someone with a Panic Attack
I get a lot of panic attacks, and a lot of times when people are trying to help, they actually just make it worse. Here’s some info on panic attacks from someone who has panic attacks (I’m also about to graduate with a B.S. in psychology, but I am not trained in any sort of therapy)
When someone has a panic attack, they’re experiencing fear (like full on fear like you would standing in a lion’s den, which is different than anxiety) about something that you generally shouldn’t fear, and it’s generally something that they can’t control. If someone feels like they can’t breathe and that they’re going to die during a panic attack, the answer is not to focus on breathing, at least not right away. When you focus on breathing, it just makes it harder to breathe and you think ever little hitch in your breathing is the Grim Reaper. One of the best ways to get through a panic attack is distraction; you need to get so deep in thought about something else that you forget you felt like you were dying/it was the end of the world. Here are some questions to ask yourself when you’re having a panic attack, or to ask someone who is having a panic attack. If you’re asking yourself, write/type out your answers or say them aloud.
What show are you currently working on on Netflix? What’s been happening in the last couple of episodes? What is the craziest/funniest thing that has ever happened on that show? Who is your favorite character? Why do you like that character?
What’s your favorite TV show ever? What was/is the show about? Who were the main characters, and what actors played them? Why do you like that show? What is unique about that show?
What’s your favorite movie? What’s the plot? What makes that movie unique? What do you like about it? What are some major themes of that movie? What is the best line in the movie?
Who is your favorite musical artist? What is your favorite song of theirs? Why do you like that song? How would you describe their style?
What is your favorite song not by that artist? Why do you like it? What is the best line in that song?
What’s your favorite musical? Why do you like that musical? What is your favorite song in that musical? What character would you most want to play in that musical?
What is your dream role? Why do you want that role? What is your favorite song that that character sings?
What is the best live performance of a play or musical that you have ever seen? Why was it the best?
What is your favorite book? Why do you like it? What are its major themes? Who are the important characters, and why are they important? If you were casting a movie based on this book, who would play those characters? If there is a movie based on that book, do you like it or not and why?
What is your favorite class this semester? Why do you like it? What is something you have learned in that class?
What is the best class you have taken in college/high school? Why did you like it? What is something you learned in that class that you wouldn’t know if you hadn’t taken it?
What is something new you learned recently?
Who was your favorite teacher in elementary school? Why did you like them? What was your favorite subject in elementary school?
What projects are you working on at work right now? Who are you working with on each of those projects? What will those projects do for the company?
What did you have for lunch today? Breakfast? What would you like to have for dinner tomorrow?
Skip questions if they don’t apply to you/the person you’re asking (i.e. if they don’t generally binge watch Netflix, don’t ask about it). Stick to positive questions as much as possible--focus on things you/the person likes, and don’t ask about what they dislike about something. If school is currently a stressor, don’t ask about what’s happening in class this semester. If the person thinks they’re about to get fired, don’t ask about work. I tried to keep the pronouns inclusive throughout, but I apologize if I made a mistake somewhere in there. These types of questions tend to work really well for me when I’m having panic attacks and when I’m helping someone else through a panic attack.
Other things that work for distraction, especially when you’re alone:
Coloring books
Knitting
Cooking/baking
Video games
Stupid iPhone games (it’s 2016 and I still have Angry Birds on my phone because it’s good for panic attacks. Also Trivia Crack)
Math problems (it works)
Basically anything that requires you to engage all the way through, that you can’t zone out of. Reading doesn’t work as well (at least for me) because it’s so easy to just put a book down and go back to obsessing over bad things. Do something you like!
Never tell someone that there is nothing to worry about, or that they’re being irrational. They know that, but saying that isn’t going to stop their nervous system from wigging out and it just makes them feel bad about having a panic attack.
After you calm down from a panic attack, especially before bed, try this breathing exercise: Breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, Breathe out for 8 counts. This will calm you down and make you sleepy. I also really like the Spotify sleep playlist in that situation.
Do not mix in alcohol/weed/other drugs because that can get into a really ugly cycle (I’ve had a serious psychological dependency on weed because of anxiety and depression, and it made the anxiety and depression worse and made it harder to recover). If you have a prescribed, as-needed anxiety medication like Xanax or Ativan, take it if you need it, but I’d really recommend trying other coping methods first. I have Ativan; it works, but it’s important to be able to cope without it. If you have a daily medication for anxiety or depression (antidepressants are a common treatment for both), continue to take every day as prescribed. If you haven’t been taking it lately, do not start again without consulting your doctor.
Also know that Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy is the gold-star treatment for anxiety disorders, not medications. Medications tend to work while you’re on them, but stop when you go off. CBT teaches coping skills you can use forever. There are also other effective therapies (the breathing technique I mentioned was something I learned in Biofeedback therapy, and mindfulness therapy is gaining ground in anxiety disorders. Behavioral Activation therapy has been shown to be as effective as CBT for depression). When you find a therapist (or a psychiatrist), find someone you feel comfortable saying anything to. This may not be the first person you go to see, or even the second. That’s okay; don’t give up! It’s worth taking the time to find the right person.
YOU CAN DO IT I PROMISE. Panic attacks suck, but they don’t last forever. There are people who care about you. Good things are going to happen. This moment is not the end of the world.
(Please, if you have something to add that could help someone or conflicting evidence on something, add it to the post. This is a combination of my 4 years studying psychology and many more years of having an anxiety disorder)
