i'm wide awake, it's morning

It's so fun and cool and sexy to think about how major corporations would completely dissolve like sugar cubes in hot water if we just didn't go to work

Hoo boy was this a post or what

Hey guys did I mention I live on a fucking weird island and sometimes land crabs with 8-inch claws try to get into my house

cute puppy what breed is he

sideways

this is still the funniest fucking thing i remember being 7 and almost throwing up watching this and now im 20 puking onto my rug 

holy shit

King

This website swears up and down that women shouldn’t settle for mediocre men right up until Bobby hill gets involved

Dont you ever call Bobby mediocre ever again I stg

that part of the first pokemon movie when mew is in a bubble underwater. we will never understand that level of peace

My mom didn’t know what thot meant (she thought it was something like “lazy”) and my brother kept putting off taking out the trash and she called him a thot and he looked so betrayed

you ever read something so fucking stupid you want to blow your brains out

Bisexual women aren’t straight for dating men

What the everloving fuck

This happened to me a BUNCH after I got married to a man. I’d be like ‘oh, x actress is so cute’ and everyone would be like “but you’re married to a guy, I thought you were straight now?”

Fuckin’ no???

im going through my skyrim screenshot folder

Who names their character Susan

I’m poisoning an enchanted crossbow, which I gave a nickname to so I wouldn’t accidentally sell it. The name of the weapon is “delicious quinoa, Susan”.

As you do

How do you explain to someone that this is your sense of humor

I was wondering where this was going and lemme tell you I fell out of my chair

Remember

A handsome man

@werelibrarian

I hope all of yall find $20 on the ground tomorrow.

And I mean that.

$50 maybe

a dropped money clip from some clumsy, unobservant capitalist shithead with in excess of $5000 in it

Put it out so the universe can pull it in sis!!

$50 in a silver money clip thrown by a child who immediately fled in the opposite direction

Street smarts

Jamie Lee Curtis recreates iconic angry photos of herself

I am screaming lmao also this reminds me of @rosewater1997

@kingofthewilderwest

I really do love that people have legitimately always just been people. Like how many angry breakup texts have their been that end with “Come get your stuff or I’m donating it to goodwill”? People never change.