Robot Hugs

New and last comic! Read good version here. 

Well hello there!

I'm here to wrap this puppy up!

I haven't been posting much for the last year or so, and I don't feel like I'm going to get back into the weekly comic schedule, so I'm gonna call it here and say: Robot Hugs, the comic? It's done.

I've really enjoyed getting to know you a little, through social media, email, and meeting you in real life! A lot of you have sent me personal stories about how a comic has touched you, and that has meant the world to me. Others have used my comics for really interesting events and applications, and I feel very honoured to make material that you have found insightful and useful.

But I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to spend my free time producing these comics. I work in front of a computer. I'm spending a third of my life in front of a computer. And I don't want to spend my home life in front of a computer either. I only have a little free time in my life, and I've decided to use it for things I really actually enjoy.

And the internet? I don't enjoy it that much. I use it, and it's useful. I like it as a resource, and I even enjoy some of its social aspects. But I've realized that I don't enjoy producing stuff for the internet, and I don't appreciate how much stuff I need to do to protect myself on here. I don't feel safe here. And this comic isn't worth feeling not safe. And to be clear, I am specifically talking about not feeling safe as a trans person, as a mentally ill person, and as a person who has already experienced their share of physical violence. I don't need it. I owe myself the gift of safety.

So I'm gonna mix up the site a bit, make the home page more of a blog, and start documenting the cool stuff I like to make. I think some of you may like it. Some of you probably won't. That's ok! I hope you all find webcomics and creative people and artists that make you feel seen and loved.

I'm here, and I'm ok. The comic did its job, and now it's retiring. I'm excited for what I get to do next, and I really, really do hope I see you all out there.

With lots and lots of love,

Robot Hugs.

Full comic (link)

Hourlies was last week. I wonder how many other artists have a full-blown meltdown as a regular part of their day now. Probably a bunch!

New comic (link)

I don't know about YOU ALL but I had some REAL PLANS for 2020 and most of it involved a very careful noble-but-suffering air that I could basically deploy to stay home and skip stuff whenever i wanted.

Now my whole liver year is gone, the world's moved on, I feel FUCKING GREAT, no thanks to 2020, and I barely even got to use the surgery for an excuse for anything. So I ask you, what the heck was the point?!

New comic (link)

The last of the 2020 badges. Look, taking very basic precautious was wildly contentious this year. It was stressful, the messaging was inconsistent, people were strangely weird about mildly inconvenient things, and some communities seemed to give up altogether. Just know when you were wearing a mask this year, you were keeping people safe, and saving lives. When you stayed home, even when other people in your life weren't, you were protecting yourself and the people you love. The assholes get all the airtime. But I see you all, staying home, wearing masks, doing your best. We did pretty good. We should be proud of that.

Hey! (link)

Happy new year, folks. It's sure been a real one. I'm sorry for not posting much this year, but... 'gestures vaguely'.  

Honestly, I'm doing alright, all things considered. My field of expertise had a major legislative deadline this year, so I've been very busy with my paying work, which makes me luckier than many. I hope you're all doing alright as well.

Everyone keeps saying that they didn't accomplish anything in 2020, but I don't think that's true at all. I've made 18 badges - I bet you've done something similar to these too.

Going to try to post more frequently, even if it's not a comic. Good to know you're all out there.

New comic! (link)

Toronto is lucky to have a substantial greenbelt around it and running through it, so there are lots of opportunities to see creatures and plants and remark favourably upon them. The hawk is such a delight! Shame about the blondies though...

New comic! (link)

I think it's cool that my recipient will keep my DNA. They're a chimera now!

I really did need to split my questions in two. There was stuff I really needed to know (What's the most likely complication? How long will I be in the hospital? What drugs and medications will I have to take?). And, as a systems designer, there was stuff about the transplant process I found really interesting (how are matches made? If I get liver cancer one day, will my recipient get it too? What happens to recipients with non typical anatomy?).  I had ample time to ask all my questions, even if some of them were a little weird to the transplant folks.

New comic! (link)

I think the transplant folks thought my request for a liver picture was a little odd, but it was the only thing I felt really entitled to during this process. My position is that if I grew it and I was giving it, I should get to see what it looks like.

I was a little surprised at the size of the segment, especially given the little body it was going in. It's more like a half pound of flesh (about 250g). Pretty validating, given how I was feeling in the days after!

Anyways, the pic is in the post at this link. It's a disembodied liver lobe, so if that's not your thing I would suggest not scrolling down.

New comic! (link)

This pandemic is ten thousand kinds of garbage, but one thing I have appreciated is a lot of time at home to bond with my new cats.

Toast was the smallest, saddest, scardest cat in the world. Now she purrs! Sometimes you can even hear it!

Beans' purr is rumbly and loud and sometimes it keeps me awake but I just listen to my giant thick cat having a good life and that is nice as well.

New comic! (link)

I also had a special song for Oskar but I retired it when he died because I'm respectful like that. I'm sure you all have songs you sing to you cats. Maybe you should tell me what they are.

New comic! (Link)

Some people thought it was a little sad that I would never know my recipient or their family, but it was really ok with me. In fact, the conversations that have to happen when you're donating an organ to a love one seem so...complicated. There's a lot of social dynamics around guilt, and love, and obligation, and management that I was kind of happy to skip. Don't get me wrong, Id be happy to donate an organ to a loved one, and it is an incredible gift, but it does seem significantly more complex.

Some have asked if I would be willing to meet with them now or in the future. It's purely theoretical, there is no way to facilitate this beyond random chance, but I probably wouldn't pursue it. If it was incredibly important to my recipient I'd meet them, sure, but I don't need to see who I helped to know I helped them.

It's interesting that many other places will flat out not do a liver donation unless you have a direct relationship with the recipient (or are part of a daisy-chain donation program). I don't really understand the point of view that an anonymous donation was inherently more risky, except that people are more confused as to why anyone would want do it. I'm glad University Health Network at Toronto agree that donors can donate altruistically. And so is Kiddo and their family, I imagine.

New comic! (link)

I hope this kind of communicates how intense this process was. Everyone was really nice! Their sole focus was to make sure that I wouldn’t be unnecessarily harmed. The living-donor program doesn’t make any sense if it just creates 2 long-term high-resource patients. So there was a lot of tests, blood draws, scans, all of that.

But they also needed to know that I wasn’t being coerced or doing this out of an inaccurate sense of what it would be like, so there were a lot of sessions of just explaining what would happen, how much pain I could expect, my short and long term recovery.

And then they also needed to know that it wouldn’t ruin my life – that it wouldn’t trigger mental health problems that could increase my risk of suicide, that I had supports in my family and community who could look after me while I was sick, that I wouldn’t lose my job.

None of this was certain, of course. I could have had an adverse reaction to any part of the surgery and ended up needing a liver myself. But the whole screening process had to confirm that I was as low risk as I could be.

But maaaaan it kind of sucked sometimes. It was basically a whole summer of performing this sort of patient, reasonable, good natured, thoughtful, and, yes, sane person (though I hate the term) who just really wants them to remove a third of a vital body organ.

New comic! (link)

The transplant team took a lot of steps to protect me and my recipient from each other, but I was allowed to know why they needed the transplant, their age, and how they were doing for a little while post-transplant. It’s weird, I was super neutral on who got the liver. It could have been someone with cancer, or someone who has organ damage from substance use, or whatever, I genuinely didn’t care. But when they told me Kiddo’s age, I think my heart broke and healed a little all at the same time.

New comic! (link)

I don't talk too much about the healthcare advantages I happen to have, living in Canada. But the months I was researching donation also coincided with one of the huge US debates about medical insurance, and yeah, a number of the sites written for US donors urged caution about donating an organ putting you at risk for losing insurance or incurring very high insurance fees.

I doubt that many of my US readers are happy with their health system. All I have is luck, that I immigrated here instead of the US. The actual costs for the donation surgery were in the hundreds of thousands of dollars, certainly, and I think that's probably low. I'm happy to live in a system where we can fund that for the people who need it. I'm so sorry for my neighbours who find themselves in a much different equation.

To put it simply, I can take risks with my health, because I trust that the publicly funded healthcare system will catch me. Without that trust, Kiddo would still be looking for a liver.

New comic (link)

They say there’s no such thing as true altruism, and I can certainly agree in my case. I wanted to do something good, for sure, but I also wanted to know that I was someone who would do something good. The great news is that even selfish altruism is altruism. In my case, kiddo gets a new liver, I know what I’m capable of, and I don’t have any reason not to live up to myself going forward. Future me, I’ve got my eye on you! 

New comic! (link)

We've been playing this drawing game for years, it's so easy to pick up and do a few rounds at a party, and I swear it doesn't matter a lick whether you're good at drawing, the results are always fun. The main goal is to make the most cursed animal hybrid. There are no winners.

Anyways here's my pigeonleech i love her.

New comic! (link)

Its very rewarding getting to know Beans and Toast. I miss Oskar and Hippo so much, it was so hard to lose them both this winter. But I have a big home with warm sunbeams and subfloor heating. How could I not have cats in this place?

Toast is a teen mom, rescued from a construction site. She spent weeks under my bed. But now she talks. She chats! I want to hear what she has to say.