KAPOW!!!!!

If you have a priest bless your sneeze before you sneeze, you’ve created a holy sneeze, which is like a shotgun you can use against vampires.

I’m sick and tired of being called “mortal” like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.

you laugh but this was the plot of full metal alchemist

Excuse me??

me watching disney princess movies

as a kid:

now: 

LISTEN

My last braincell at 3am:

*missed phone call from work*

me: ugh if they’re asking me to come in I’m not gonna do it 

*phone call from work*

manager: hey can you come in today

me: yeah, sure I’ll be there in a bit

my tissue box

my laptop: *starts hissing and wheezing and got her fans whirring on high speed*

me:

Imagine typing out this letter and not stopping halfway and thinking “Hmmm, this makes me sound like the worst human being in the world.”

Holy fucking shit

dark hallmark channel show me the forbidden lesbian christmas movies

When he says he’s 5 minutes down the road

I wish I could go back 6 years when none of this would have made sense to me

didn’t you literally jack off in a taco bell bathroom

this is such a mess