cats have to be very small but they are allowed to do as many crimes as they want. that's the deal they made with god

pandemic:

poor people: maybe rich people will open their purses

rich people: alwexa plway imwawgine bwy jwohn lwenon 🥺

Reblog to support them

“weird” is just a setting on my dryer

whats it do?

makes the clothes wetter

That is weird

so i was talking to my grandmother about old-school video games and she was all “y'know there was one game i used to play, and it had like a maze, and it was underground, and there was a guy in first person and he had a weapon” so knowing her penchant for puzzle games, i started guessing like myst, or legend of grimrock so we start hunting through these 90’s-era games featuring dungeon crawls. turns out. it was not a puzzle game. it was nothing close to a puzzle game. apparently, in the mid-90s, my grandmother would sit down and play fucking Wolfenstein 3D and listen to AC/DC for like hours on end.

Au contraire, the puzzle was “how to kill Nazis” and the answer was “use gun”

THIS IS IT. IVE FOUND THE FUNNIEST THING ON THIS PLANET.

i thought it was just me

sir, that’s my emotional support titty

So last night was my first welding class and the second i walked through the door the teacher said “hey you’re zoe right” and I started to panic because how does the teacher immediately know who I am fuck did I have this teacher before how come i don’t recognize him fuck fuck i’m a terrible person

turns out i’m just the youngest person in the class by about 30 years so the deduction wasn’t that hard

anyways, apparently people keep taking the welding class over and over again and the wait list is like 100 people long and so it was by some act of providence of pure dumb luck that I managed to get a spot. This also means I was the only person there who hadn’t welded before.

I’m stationed at a big center table where the teacher can keep an eye on me, and everyone else is in booths on the surrounding walls each making their own projects. And these are impressive looking projects. One guy is making a side table, a woman is making a giant metal rocking chair, and another guy was making a wind chime out of old compressed air canisters. 

The elderly gentlemen in the booth right behind me introduces himself to me as Jim and asks me if this is my first time and I say yeah and he smiles at me and tells me I’m gonna love it and how this class is so fun.

Immediately Jim becomes my new best friend. He comes over whenever I stop to take a break and asks how I’m doing and even helps me take the welding mask off when I couldn’t figure out how to do it myself. 

at one point i see Jim and another old guy talking to the teacher and i catch the old guy pointing at me. now being pointed at is usually never a good thing. the teacher has had me welding edges of scrap metal together so I can get a feel for the equipment. The teacher comes to check on me and I jokingly as him if those seasoned guys were making fun of me. 

Turns out I’m super good at welding and the old guy didn’t believe it was my first time welding ever and Jim was trying to convince him I was a newbie. :D

So for the entire 3 hour long class, like 15 middle aged and elderly people would periodically come by my table and check in with me, making sure I’m having fun and asking me questions about my life, and things like, do you know where the drinking fountain is, making sure I’m taking breaks, looking out for me and that kind of thing, all while being completely kind and supporting and complimenting me on my welding skills. 

and that’s how a community center welding class gave me 15 new grandparents. i love them all and this class is going to be amazing

this is so pure

i don’t want to see anyone be sexy anymore. tired of it. bored. have sex or wahtevr i don’t care just stop being sexy … it’s been done to death.. at least like spill some juice on ur jeans or somethin so i can relate 2 u… make that face that is like “this baby carrot that i’m eating isn’t like sweet it is instead that weird boring carrot flavor” it looks like this :\ but with bigger cheeks because u are eating the carrot anyways because you don’t want to waste it. UGH . hello ? i am typing on my keyboard to you. can you hear me ? 

turning feminism from a radical social movement with the capacity to create real change into a fun quirky fandom that you can buy merch for at urban outfitters is one of the worst crimes of late stage capitalism/21st century western individualism. the current state of feminism is damning evidence that there’s no way to kill an activist movement more effectively than commodifying it.