i reopened my etsy.

come to commonwealth bar yyc thurs dec15 8pm for bands, zines & installations, pay what you can. i have these new chapbooks.

working on something new

CBT WORKBOOK: I. PLEASE II. DON'T All this writing is already on this tumblr I think but you can get this lil book July 6th at Local 510, plus good new zines from good artists & some bands are playing, 7pm (Calgary).

DON'T

You can be raised by wolves You can only be raised by one bear This how they live This is how you can live Forest floor Cityscape Roam countryside Arctic barely Tail/no tail Choose yr own Many will admit to feelings of panic when looking out across an ocean Vastness of space # of civilizations swept under If you picture everyone around you as the skeleton beneath their skin This presence of bones Your own Length of femur Halloween Any way to measure how much your own life means to you Keeping in mind anyone overall is inessential, temporary In most aspects a plant is more useful than a person If you think of yourself as invisible Or underwater Dead already Or dying Don't want Don't feel Min. amount of sleep Replace all significant people in your life with arbitrary someones Imagine caring for unfixed amount of time Anybody Saying I don't know you I don't want to know you I pretend I don't know The more that I If we can fool ourselves thirty/forty more years Very happy Fifty/sixty Less than 1/3 of ocean species are known to us & likely most will die out before we ever know Miscarriage common in my family Seen feeling Seen wanting How another person can be such a bad idea, such a bad fantasy If we move in together If we move in together in April In October King size bed Dog friendly I think at some point we agreed we don't love each other enough to use that word There are places inside of myself I will not go to Only 5 a.m. sleepless the worst scenes The PAST The FUTURE It is easy to believe you don't deserve the min. resources it takes to sustain a body You are not a beneficial, productive, or responsible citizen No one knows you really How bad, low & unworthy Your individual existence contributes directly + indirectly to the death of thousands of other organisms You will hurt or disappoint everyone around you I want you to see I want to be seen All women want women all men want men It is another way of loving yourself OK to be afraid Girls I have loved who burned their way through me like hydrofluoric acid In 90% of dreams I am a man Well-tailored suits No one rapes this man Sense of access Granted violence, lust Undreamed years of envy, androgyny Learned frustration Learned castration How to be a woman A very good woman A very good wife If you dream you are pregnant You are pregnant Bodies that know Bodies that do this One time No blood I need to stop telling myself these are the things that mean I am broken Tell myself productive things I am 28 yrs old In the middle of the night Early morning I will be loved by many people in my life 100+ sit-ups I have not been drinking enough Years playing pass-out confuse actual orgasm Trying to achieve what Which Ultimate DMX workout mix R Kelly workout mix This brand new feeling On drugs most time spent resisting/maintaining Brand new feeling(?) Coyotes in my neighbourhood Have you seen We must want and need this pain like it confirms something inside of us We don't want it to be true but we make it true Too available Too willing Safe/clean Moon chart + mood chart superimposed to track as a woman/a wolf the cycle the currency Concurrent occurrence Moon madness any dog knows Dependably Minor shifts sensed by my most unstable friends Full moon -- stay home When they read my palms it feels like prayer Performance piece of not believing in anything Except animals Self Dead/dying Can't & won't Helpful to tell myself constantly: It is OK to be a body It is OK to tend the body Let the body want It is OK to live It is possible and you can do it Be a person Better Feral children allowed to exist as they have been Not taken/tamed Later we will all rely on their skills For now sleeping Coping Calming Anyone can get there Pills/no pills Places If a person can be broken If someone can be done To not want to anymore Cognitive distortions ~20M failed suicide attempts/yr You don't need to be terrified of horses when your room is on the second floor Hooves The heavy What is the most turned on you have ever been By how much blood In public Difference between interesting and attractive A long time since anyone properly I like when bruises after You do not have to do anything Be good or love anyone Acceptable/unacceptable Dogs in ancient Egypt who were kept to eat the dead Ink sunk in our skin to always remember, can we get I want to be smarter than whatever I am feeling Don't try Give up Don't try Give up

New collection of poems -- MEDIAN by Zack Haslam -- in the works. Cover image by Brendan McCabe.

Seen feeling Seen wanting

- how another person can be such a bad idea, such a bad fantasy.

Obsessed with the simultaneous death of twins On different continents Fantasy of/desire for Girl & boy twins between sheets Never again alone Girl twins twining hair hips legs underwater Then handstands Girl-girl Everyone wet In the whole world at once Each new person I meet My boyfriend once dated To turn a key To grind down He says: bad in bed One of you I want a big smooth stone to run my hands over nightly I want to believe this stone is powerful & nobody has ever killed anyone Skull smashed on river rocks Power stone tell me never River discerning not bed not lungs Drowns then carries Bones to sleep shh never Best place to kill someone Place no one goes I need a cause that is not myself A boy twin Sweeter, to suckle, Purpose or belief in whatever When I come down from that holy mountain With good news "Nobody has ever killed anyone" & "People aren't people" "People are animals" Love as a word for "I am doing the best that I can" Then roadside beckons distant Barn w/ caved-in roof