Bring Me The Boss Hog

Oh sorry? you think someone wanted to go up and measure that thing with a fucking yardstick??? just roll on up to the boar the size of a fucking car with some handily-dandily measuring tape? to get an accurate reading on it in fucking centimeters???

hold on a second man…

@insect-p0sitivity tags peer approved

its time for the tantrum hole

Has anybody else noticed that it seems that nobody tells children fairytales anymore? It seems that they only read them books or have them watch movies; oral storytelling appears to have vanished. Perhaps it’s just in my area, but it has quite literally been years since my friends, family, and I have met a child who has even referenced a fairytale character that didn’t appear in a Disney movie.

When I was little, my sister would sew before she went to bed. She’d make up stories for me as she worked–one in particular about a walking, talking cat named Calico who went on adventures, painted pictures, and eventually fell in with a pirate-hunting merchant ship captain named Martin (after my own cat).

Those stories were a lot of what got me into writing, but they were also incredibly fun. Telling kids stories is awesome and we should all do ut more often.

Not only that, but kids yearn for oral tradition! With my first grade class we would have a tea party for their birthdays or any particularly special day, and during that time when we had our tea and shortbread cookies we would play this game called “How Goes?”

I would ask them in a very English accent what happened on their way to tea, saying “So-and-so, how goes?”

And they would launch into this dramatic account about the CRAZY STUFF that happened (all untrue but they were learning to tell engaging narratives and patterns and order of events and such)

Then after I would tell them a fairytale just based on memory, but a lot of times I would retell it to suit my fancy or make it a little more kindly (because that’s something I always do, make the stories a little more happy, a little more kind). Anyhow, they LOVED IT. And every time we had tea, I would tell a different tale because we never repeated the stories.

Furthermore, one day they decided to make up their own story based on a classmate with quite finicky shoes titled “The Boy Whose Shoes Wouldn’t Come Off.” I wrote it down for them, but they ultimately decided the order of things and what happened and the ending.

Storytelling is a magical experience that is well-loved and precious, and we should very much endeavor to continue the tradition however we can!

Story-telling is something adults enjoy too.  I try to keep it reined in, because this gets annoying if you do it too much, but when I’ve asked permission to tell a Greek mythology story, people will be absolutely riveted.  And someone telling a good story to me will keep me just as spellbound.  Everybody, regardless of age, loves a good story.

Storytelling is why people love roleplaying games.

"Is it normal to-" Doesn't matter. Do it weird if it isn't hurting anyone

oh god, please be weird. Life is short, way too short to worry if you're being weird or normal. If it isn't hurting you or someone else, do it weird

HE'S BACK, BABY

EA-NASIR IS HERE FOR US, RIPPING OFF CAPITALISTS

AS PER MY LAST TABLET

Ea-nasir coming to be regarded as the new god of amusingly dishonest business practices is such a glorious illustration of human nature. I love it!

Grilling 101.

I am of firm belief that a Les mis adaptation should have a post credit scene that is just wildflowers peeking up from the stone the barricade was built on. When Eponine died she thinks her blood is rain and “rain will make the flowers grow”. All of the students also bled out in the same place and therefore there should be a whole patch.

If EVERYBODY in your life hates your significant other then they are the problem. If it is one or two people like a family member you have a turbulent relationship with and one friend who’s always been kind of jealous, maybe they just hate your success. But most of the time that is not the case and the people who are closest to you and love you and have had your back for years probably know when your new relationship is toxic and/or doomed.

“My friends don’t talk to me anymore because of my boyfriend.” Who do you talk to now, other than him?

YES. A MILLION TIMES YES.

Inverse also true! If your partner dislikes most of the people you are close to or gets really pouty about you spending some time with them and keeping in touch, that's a huge red flag.

If you don't have people over anymore or don't take your partner places because your partner's behavior is embarrassing or noxious, something is very very wrong.

So this is crystal clear to me now, in hindsight because, y'know.. But also add on to that list 'I don't want to talk about my relationship with my nearest and dearest because I feel like I have to defend it' is also something to look out for.

This. Listen to this. Listen to yourself. If you don't do things because your partner laughs at you, that's a problem. If you find yourself hiding the perfectly normal (and/or silly) things you find fun because your partner won't support you, that's a problem. If your partner dismisses your fun, your worries, your anxieties, your affections, it's all a fucking problem. It's hindsight for me, too. I crushed so much of myself because clearly I was the dumb, silly, pointless one. But guess what? If your partner says they'll be home by midnight and they're not, and you text them to ask if they're okay, that's not unreasonable. That's caring about the person you're with who worries about you and loves you. I have been crushed and crushed and crushed into such a small container for so long I'm practically rootbound but goddamn it I'm done and I'm trying.

Listen to your friends. Listen to your family. Listen to yourself.

A little girl in my 4th grade class came up to me after recess and said, “I got married at recess!” and I said “Oh? I didn’t know anyone was ordained under the age of twelve.” and she asked me what ordained meant and I explained and then she said “Oh, well, no, my wife and I were married by the slide, but we’ll be happy together anyway.”

So apparently on school playgrounds, slides are already legalizing same-sex marriage.

They warned us it would be a slippery slope.

A collection, for a well loved garf

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.” ― Margery Williams Bianco, The Velveteen Rabbit

Did you know? The reason citation in APA use only initials and not full names is because some women ran an experiment. They submitted some articles they’d written to a journal and the articles were rejected. They changed nothing about the articles except the authors’ names, which they changed to male names, and resubmitted them. The articles were accepted.

African-American cowgirl Nellie Brown, and her horse. Circa 1900 - 1915.

Knowing a fic author through AO3 is like attending someone’s thesis presentation and politely clapping at the end, knowing a fic author through this hellsite is like going over to their house at 3AM to watch them eat mayonnaise out of a jar

Sometimes I attend somebody’s thesis presentation and I’m so impressed that I follow them home to watch them eat mayonnaise out of a jar at 3am.

Sometimes I watch someone eat mayonnaise out of a jar at 3am with such fervour I am compelled to attend their thesis presentation