Ive. Been Here To Long

the idealized version of my tomorrow self will fix this

not again

we as a society need to do something about the fact that frozen pizza doesn't taste good

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery. 

This post has helped me so much I’m glad I’ve come across it again

It has honestly saved some of my relationships and it could have saved others if I had taken it to heart earlier

It’s how I approach all new relationships, and I’ll state this outright to be clear

I can’t stop myself from overanalyzing initially, but I have regularly stopped myself from obsessing over or acting on my overanalyzing

Thank you so much for making this post

The Gang (20 cm x 20 cm, oil on paper) a series of small paintings I made of the backs of the gang.

it's kind of crazy climate change has occurred at such a remarkable pace that I and everyone else around my age can remember a completely different climate in our childhoods. I truly watched winter gradually disappear in my life.

"You're too young to remember this, but there used to be so many insects outside that you would have to clean them off the windshield after a long car ride" is the kind of sentence that would have been in a cheesy scifi short story earlier in my life, perhaps submitted to a literary magazine and accepted to show support for its environmentalist message - now it's something I've said in earnest.

pirating movies by seeing them in tumblr gifs and basing my own story around them

that's how medieval peasants were supposed to use the stained glass windows to teach themselves bible stories when church was exclusively in latin

Blorbaux from my tapestries

youtube what

me when someone asks me literally anything:

walter white when skylar asks him why the fuck hes hanging around with methheads

And he is still ugly as fuck

He should get a bob with the bang

And a bbl

and a fox eye lift from the scalp

Henry Kissinger has been found dead on the I-15 after trying to go north from Goodsprings directly to Vegas despite being warned about the deathclaw infestation at Quarry Junction

It’s literally dark by 4pm. Do you think that’s good for me? Do you think I am loving this

imagine getting raptured and you have to leave ur drink behind that would suck

blows up a random stranger with a rocket launcher for no reason then falls to the ground weeping histrionically & receives the tender attention & support of everyone present

bloodlust is the best word in the english language. she has everything. sex. violence. assonance. who can compare.

and let the history books name joe biden, rishi sunak, justin trudeau, emmanuel macron, ursula von der leyen and every other world leader who did not step in to prevent the genocide of palestine as cold-blooded murderers. may they face a shred of the immeasurable pain and suffering they allowed to be committed against 2.2. million innocent lives.