I forgot my tumblr existed when all this happened, but I wanted to update my #grief log.

When I first watched Lazer, I didn't watch the video all the way to the end. It was a week or so after that I did watch it all the way to the end, and saw this statement. I broke into tears.

I am much appreciating Riho's return, and I will always support her in all of her endeavors. Thankfully, I have reached a more healthy medium, where I appreciate her but my very sanity, my life no longer hangs on her presence. I am still working on becoming my own rock, little by little, but I have progressed from when she was mine.

I still love you, Rihoriho. Always will. もう私のパズルに欠かせない存在ではないけど、一歩を重ねていきますよ！ここまでありがとうございます。

おかえりなさい！

Decided to reupload this on Dailymotion a year later! lol

Ano Hi Yakusoku shita kara - Sayashi Riho

Because I Promised That Day

I knew that having a dream, with you, was like asking for the moon But I finally realized that it was nothing but a fantasy in my mind

That day that I released your hand from mine The words that were left yet unspoken That we would meet again, one day

I smiled in such a way as though I understood While I carried these feelings of uncertainty Here in my heart

Thus it began, a new day with no name As I searched for the meaning in all I had experienced

Ah, even if I sometimes waver, there is nothing that will make me back down I want to live by acknowledging my past for what it was, all of it

Standing still, tall, with my head raised Looking up at the blue sky, I wonder what color your place has become?

I've become an adult, someone you no longer know, used to the loneliness now... Even though I've been poor at talking to other people since forever

That day that I released your hand from mine The times that you helped push me from behind All the while without holding me back

I thought that days full of regret were normal But now that time has passed I understand, therefore

Thus it began, a new day of moving forward As I searched for the meaning in all I had experienced

Ah, even when I remember how immature I was at the time I want to keep the promise I made to you

I want to believe in who I am now, even if I have regrets it's fine I'll harden my resolve and walk on And advance on the path that I couldn't see before

5. LAZER - Sayashi Riho

Hoping no one will find out, alone, I take a single breath This ultramarine world helps me to hide it

With the true me still slumbering I will put an end to this weeping morning

I cling too tightly to this dream that was entrusted to me Even though it is destined to be destroyed, somehow someday

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I want to believe in what comes from here on out

I'll return to being a me that I don't recognize Straightforward, I'll stick to it Cutting through the darkness, a beam of light dances LAZER

Light up, shining out into the distance Through to my fingertips, undulating a strong beat Side by side with my vision, drawing an arc to the future

I am unchanging, Let me be me I want to embrace who I am I know now that I can only do that here

I KNOW I KNOW I don't want to lie anymore

Even the unending rain will bring about an unstoppable miracle Please, deliver unto me a nod of approval, that I'm good enough Deliver it Deliver it

Even here in this place you protected We are not together, cannot be together For the sake of that one moment of fusion I’m running beneath this blank, white sky Reflecting a rainbow, ripping the page The reward is now

I'll cry out for this distorted love Straightforward, I'll stick to it I always loved you Dance to the utmost, LAZER

Dance to the utmost, LAZER

Dance to the utmost, LAZER

4. Puzzle - Sayashi Riho

A cold shard falls into a spotless hand The ever strong you falls to pieces

You were always looked upon as the adult Collecting, gathering all of the pieces You were the foundation for I, who had lost the other half of my heart

You're a crucial part of my puzzle I've just realized What a bright future there is So I'm singing about love Because I don't want to make you sad

Bickering over disagreements, even though we're in this age This time we have, just the two of us, is so sweet

For some mysterious reason my heart feels lighter Forgetting about the time, staying on the phone all night In the end, all of the important pieces were always here

You're a crucial part of my puzzle I've just realized That you can't recover lost time Listen to my heart cry out, now Because I don't want to make you sad

Tell me how you feel, no matter the time Because you're suffering I want to protect you Listen for my voice, because I'm looking for you You need not worry

You're a crucial part of my puzzle I've just realized That you can't recover lost time Listen to my heart cry out, now Because I don't want to make you sad

Tell me how you feel, no matter the time Because you're suffering I want to protect you Listen for my voice, because I'm looking for you Just like you did for me

3. Simply Me - Sayashi Riho

I ran away because I was not interested anymore

In those days that didn’t go well My plan is to do the opposite How unlucky, these days

The rumors were like chain links Distorted, and wide spreading The tenacity within my heart is simple

So many different things always in the way just mixing together Closing my eyes, next it's just begin

That's me, still imperfect That's me, plain and simple Can I truly be moved by achieving that which I’ve waited for?

That's me, still incomplete That's me, can you see? Look, right now, I'm just one speck; living simply

Chatting pleasantly in the moment Hopeless - that’s my sense Getting sucked into a vortex of bargaining, I’ll likely become bitter

Giving nothing but an expected response Saving it in my memories Now, so long as it's that, what I need to do is simple

Obsessed with honing my thoughts to a keen sense Anything past that is only my view

That's me, still imperfect That's me, plain and simple Can I truly be moved by achieving that which I’ve waited for?

That's me, still incomplete That's me, can you see? No matter what happens today, tomorrow will still come, Simply Me

Keep on, on and on and on and... Keep on, on and on and on and... Because it’s all up to me Can't help but to live on

So many different things always in the way just mixing together Closing my eyes, next it's just begin

That's me, still imperfect That's me, plain and simple Can I truly be moved by achieving that which I’ve waited for?

That's me, still incomplete That's me, can you see? Look, right now, I'm just one speck; living simply, Simply Me

2. BUTAI - Sayashi Riho

STAGE

My shoulders tremble a little

As I hold on tightly with both hands Surely someone has noticed by now

Over and over again The thought repeats I hate me I hate me But afterall, I can't run away

As my heartrate rises I tell myself that it's ok Beyond the darkness, a bright path continues When the background music disappears, the silence reverberates A heavy curtain rises

Shine on For an instant, this radiance I'll gather it all, I make it on my own Wrapped up in both the light and the sounds, right now will become eternity

Over and over again The thought repeats I hate me I hate me But afterall, I can't run away

Just as the scenario Seems like it should be obvious The trauma of my past, my wounds and memories are continuous Wouldn't it be nice to go back And see the past me that wasn't afraid of anything

Shine on For an instant, this radiance I'll feel it all, I make it on my own Wrapped up in both the light and the sounds, right now will become eternity

I know that it's a meaningless attempt You can't predict a world you don't know

In other words, I want to see it That's why I'm here Whether it be challenges, or having to put up a front It's ok so long as I take the plunge

Shine on For an instant, this radiance I'll enjoy it all, I make it on my own Wrapped up in both the light and the sounds, right now will become eternity

1. Find Me Out - Sayashi Riho

Maybe it's too early to judge just yet But so long as there's a good reason, of which there are surely many

I'm once again relying upon my supposed good instincts With rules, manners and common sense I'm always wandering from place to place

Even though I wanted to know myself better It's scary to looking into the heart of the matter It's okay not know anything, even up to the end See, even you, even you

Glaringly I'm shouting out, drowning it all out I'm losing my way, now, in the Tokyo metropolis I'm dizzily going with the flow On those days, I don't even know where I am, or where I'm going I wonder if I should entrust myself Can You Find Me Out?

Things like "That's not right" or "irresponsible" What's the point of accepting that, anyway? My whole life I've got to decide Isn't that much too convenient?

Even though it doesn't suit me, once again I must decide I'll ride on the rails of unspoken rules That were always hidden inside

Even though I wanted to know myself better Having this ideal pinned on my shoulders is too much It's okay to not intervene, even from beginning See, even you, even you

Glaringly I'm shouting out, drowning it all out I'm losing my way, now, in the Tokyo metropolis I'm dizzily going with the flow On those days, I don't even know where I am, or where I'm going I wonder if I should entrust myself Can You Find Me Out?

Can You Find Me Out?

Can You Find Me Out?