sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium BATMAN

any character, in a moment of introspection and epiphany: who am i?

my dumb ass: i’m jean valjean!

The real tragedy about the barricade is that we don’t know how much is true. Victor Hugo was there at the June Rebellion, so what is fact and what is fiction? That question gives me chills because we’ll never know. 

Charles Jeanne (who I think is probably actual real life Enjolras) wrote an in-detail account of the ACTUAL barricades in a letter to his sister after the fact

you can read it, tenlittlebullets translated it into English :)

it’s really graphic, he leaves no gory details out, just FYI if you’re gonna read it, keep TW: VIOLENCE  in mind

#how is he real-life enjolras if he survived (via metellus-cimber)

I’m so glad somebody asked this, because the answer is: when they finally ran out of ammunition, Charles Jeanne rounded up everyone who was still standing, went, “look, if we’re going to die, we might as well die fighting,” and led a suicidal ten-man charge against an entire flippin’ infantry column, armed with nothing but bayonets. The first few ranks of soldiers were so unprepared for such a spectacularly insane attack that they were too surprised to shoot. They crossed bayonets and tried to hold the insurgents off in hand-to-hand combat, but Jeanne’s swordsmanship was apparently aces, because he held off a bunch of them at once and covered his friends as they tried to breach the ranks. And once they were in, nobody could shoot them for fear of taking out their own guys.

So the last stand that the insurgents had intended as a noble suicide ended in them breaking through the ranks entirely and winding up in the next street over, outside the combat zone, going “well shit, what do we do now?” (I’m guessing the infantry column wasn’t very deep; central Paris at that point was a rabbit warren of narrow twisty streets, and assembling troops en masse for an organized attack was a logistical nightmare.) Unlike the National Guard, the army weren’t total chumps and got themselves turned around to give chase and start shooting once they weren’t at risk of friendly fire any longer… and that’s when all the civilians holed up in their houses went “no way, you’re not getting your hands on these crazy bastards” and started hurling furniture and crockery down on the soldiers’ heads. Jeanne was understandably distracted at the time, but afterwards somebody informed him that the barrage of unlikely projectiles included a piano. A piano. That is some straight-up Looney Tunes slapstick right there. No wonder Hugo went for the heroic death scene instead; if he’d stuck to real life, he probably would’ve gotten complaints that he’d wrecked his readers’ suspension of disbelief.

Anyway, someone opened an alley gate for them to shelter in and take stock of the casualties–most of them survived(!!!), but a few were pretty nastily wounded. Their host then had to lock Charles Jeanne in to keep him from charging right back out and taking on the whole goddamn army singlehanded. He probably would’ve broken down the door if the poor man hadn’t pointed out that going back out would give away his wounded comrades’ hiding place and the identities of the people sheltering them. They sat there listening to the gunfire gradually slow and go silent, and then in the middle of the night the ones who could still walk were allowed to slip away one by one at long intervals from each other. Charles Jeanne went straight home, slept like the dead for a few hours, was woken up at five in the morning with a warning that he’d been denounced and the building was surrounded, and then slipped out in disguise and managed to evade the police for four months before a former comrade ratted him out and he was arrested.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why Charles Jeanne’s letter is an absolute treasure that deserves to be available to anyone in Les Mis fandom who wants to read it. Incidentally, “how Actual Historical Enjolras survived the barricades by being too good at his suicide mission” is also one of the stories I tell when anyone asks me what the hell is so interesting about researching people nobody’s ever heard of from an obscure chapter of French history. 

If Hugh Jackman can deadlift 405 pounds, he shouldn’t have settled merely for Marius. He could’ve picked up Enjolras as well. You know what, add Eponine. Street gamines can’t possibly weigh that much. Man let’s just add the whole of Les Amis (including Gavroche). It’s Hugh Jackman. He can take it. 

#valjean just picks up the whole barricade and leaves

“yes my child I forgot what your booby of a young man looks like so please pick one from the pile”

*tries to subtly tilt the more sensible looking ones towards cosette* 

#but imagine him trying really hard to get her to choose combeferre

“Look, Cosette, this one is practicing medicine! And he seems to have an extensive reserve of facts on things from moths to space!”

“Papa, I think that is Marius beneath him.”

“No it isn’t. But look at this Combeferre, his glasses truly frame his face.”

“Papa-”

“Cosette. P L E A S E.”

The best part about this is that Valjean has no idea who his daughters dating, but damn it he knows it’s one of them, so he just takes everyone. The young doctor? Coming. The drunk one? Hopefully not, but bring him anyways. The small child? Might be the brother of whoever Cosette’s with, better bring him just in case. This young woman? Well, Cosette’s already proven she doesn’t tell Valjean everything, so she’s coming too.

And then the final confrontation between him and Javert. Valjean comes staggering out of the sewers holding a pile of people.

“IT’S YOU JAVERT, I KNEW YOU WOULDN’T WAIT TOO LONG!”

“Valjean, what the fuck-”

“THE FAITHFUL SERVANT AT HIS POST ONCE MORE!”

“How are you balancing all of them.”

“THIS BOY AND THIS BOY AND THIS BOY AND THIS BOY AND THIS BOY AND THIS BOY AND THIS BOY AND THIS GIRL AND THIS BOY AND THIS BOY AND THIS CHILD HAVE DONE NO WRONG, AND THE NEED A DOCTORS CARE!”

“I’m not dealing with this, just go.”

“COME, TIME IS RUNNING SHORT!”

“I said you can leave!”

“LOOK DOWN, JAVERT, THEY’RE ALL STANDING IN THEIR GRAVES! MAKE WAY, JAVERT, THERE’S ABOUT A DOZEN LIVES TO SAVE!”

“TAKE THEM VALJEAN.”

My uni students asked me if they had homework for the holidays and I felt so bad for them and their tired, dead eyes that I told them to just mail me pics of their favorite pokemons.  

Three students sent me digimons I can’t fucking trust them with anything I give up

Goldens are life

Look! It’s my future pup Mango!

This is messed up

If you are affected by this please refer to this :

hi i’m tolkien here are my ocs. i call them Elves (not elfs!!! if you call them elfs i will block you) they look like humans but they’re tall, live forever, and have pointy ears. that’s it bye

cs lewis: are you alright with constructive criticism? i dont want to sound mean

tolkien: no go ahead i want to hear it

cs lewis: they fucking suck

tolkien: thats not constructive criticism

cs lewis: here’s my OC, it’s jesus but he’s a lion tolkien: Furry cs lewis: blocked

Tolkien: lamp posts don’t exist in fantasy worlds Cs Lewis: ok you know what fuck you

CS Lewis: I could beta for you if you want. help you trim the fat on your stories

Tolkien: what do you mean

CS Lewis: I just. you describe a lot of trees.  are trees that important

Tolkien: just you fucking wait. trees are SO important.

~and that day, Tolkien invented ents~

@urulokid

CS Lewis: Not more trees.

Tolkien: This one’s based on you.

casual reminder that Lewis and Tolkein almost completely ended their friendship over Lewis having Santa make an appearance in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe because Tolkein hated it so fucking much.

CS Lewis: bitch

Tolkien: blocked

CS Lewis: wait unblock me i need to tell you something

Tolkien: unblocked

CS Lewis: bitch

Take it from a geologist…

The Earth has stretch marks, scars, faults, and some pretty funky natural odors, and she’s still the most interesting, wondrous, and beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

Instagram

I saw this and thought of @fleamontpotter.

OP HOW CAN YOU NOT ADD THE BEST PART OF THIS TWEET THREAD

huge if true

THIS IS WHY I FEAR AND RESPECT, BUT DON’T TRUST, BIRDS AKA TINY DINOSAURS.

tarot card asks

Florence. By me. July 2017.

Florence at dusk