someone: you forgot to eat? how?? aren’t you starving?

me: I don’t know I can’t feel anything

catch me in target lusting after kitchenware like a 45 year old mother of three

I LOVE HER

Millennial culture is having two wildly different conversations with the same person on two different apps at the exact same time

conversation 1: cheese borger

conversation 2: that’s why I think I’m so afraid of making myself vulnerable, because my father taught me I couldn’t ever truly trust anyone

Me: *gets anxiety making a phone call* Also me: *feels completely at ease and downright cheerful wandering around unfamiliar city with only vague knowledge of how to get to where I’m going*

alexa,

tell me i’m a screwed up mess, that i never listen listen

Fiona, 2 yo 🌠🐕💞🌈

so i’m currently working at a law firm and the other day one of the attorneys was talking to me and he mentioned that he’s “not very confrontational” and i was like you are?? a lawyer???

and he said “yeah but in court there are rules. i can argue with some shmuck in a suit in front of a judge no problem, but when i leave the courthouse and go home i’m not gonna argue with my wife about dinner. there are no rules in our kitchen. i would die.”

There has never been a more accurate description of Taliesin Axelrod Jaffe

and Matt agrees.

florence welch is like today’s stevie nicks not in the sense of vocals or anything but the fact she is a beautiful good witch who brings peace to my soul

Uhhhhh no offence but she’s been my queen since we were sixteen we want the same things we dream the same dreams.. alright…

this is so sad alexa play take it back by jimmy buffet; nautical wheelers byjimmy buffet; jolly mon sing by jimmy buffet; steamer by jimmy buffet; treat her liKE A LADY BY JIMMY BUFFET; MAÑANA BY JIMMY BUFFET; WHEN SALOMEPLAYS THE DRUM BY JAMES BUFFET; HAVANA DAYDREAMING BY JIMMY BUFFET, what the FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU (i had a case of the mondays!) are you fucking HAUNTED? are you fucking POSSESSED? you USED to be my BROTHER

Did not work

What it feels like when you lose your mech as D.Va.

[cheery k-pop playing - and is abruptly replaced by aggressive metal when D.va exits her destroyed mecha, leaving her exposed to damage - and the music transitions back to k-pop once she goes back in.]

@llaurien, accurate?

Accurate

Our house in the middle of our

House

beshedsda