@slorestgreen / slorestgreen.tumblr.com
Wait, it got better.
He does this a lot, to my deep surprise in undergrad:
For reference, the reason nobody likes this book and you can press tofu with it is that it’s about 1600 pages long.
It’s also, by all accounts, the origin of Cousin Throckmorton
You know, it makes perfect sense that the guy who would amuse himself by going around Twitter as above would also have come up with the skateboarding cousin Throckmorton for a word problem.
Like it totally follows.
diversity loss this trans man is just as much of an emotionally unavailable avoidantly attached brick as any cis guy
he has a pussy yes but does he have a heart. post cancelled that sounds like a taylor swift lyric
my boy he has a pussy but he doesn't have a heart
he's playing games with me just like i'm mario from kart
i'm a published writer btw
hello this is my favorite video ever please please
el muchacho monday
hash tag girl boss or whatever
aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall
Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.
Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him
This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.
Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.
It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance
They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.
if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes
Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.
Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.
this is too good to leave hidden in the replies
fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard
this is the best album release of all time because where else are you going to get unironic takes like this and then even get a few hundred people to agree with it
Rainbow mo
Hi I paint your cat wet hands style
tom animal crossing nook made you work for like 3 minutes and you spit on him like this god damn
he forces you into debt
that you literally never ever have to pay off unless you want him to build you a bigger house you floppy shoes rainbow wig ringling brothers ass bitch
Defending Tom Nook’s debt-based economy is going too far
you pay it off by selling him fucking bugs and rocks go make me a balloon animal bozo
The best possible landlord is still a landlord, and stands at the top of a steep incline
He gives you a house for free that you never have to pay back for. He’s not a fucking landlord he’s a real estate agent you dimwitted radioactive mushroom. You’re never gonna get “evicted” you have complete sovereignty over your land, can place anything and everything you can fit in the space, put up whatever decorations paint jobs and wallpapers you want. The only downside is if you want to make a large purchase from HIS STORE you gotta pay off the last large purchase (you can still buy mailboxes and fences and nice cobblestone paths)His entire backstory is that he got his heart broken by capitalism and decided to move to a small town and give people affordable housing and affordable upgrades to said housing.
And the house? The money you don’t even have to pay unless you want HIM to expand your house for you?
18,400 bells
For reference a single apple sells for 100 bells
Which means you pay for a house (really you are paying for the upgrade) for the same price as 15 dozen apples.
You are literally buying a house for the same price as 15. Dozen. Apples
Let’s put that in perspective to say. America. A honeycrisp apple at Kroger costs 1.70 each on average meaning a dozen costs around 20 dollars. Meaning the price of a house in Tom Nooks store (that once again you never even have to pay back) is equivalent to a whopping 306 dollars.
That’s it. To pay off a house and let you get renovations you have to pay less than a single months rent at any apartment.
Go throw a pie in someone’s face since you want to be a clown.
please make every effort to vote <3
Voter suppression is a real problem!! I know so many people in real life that are LGBTQ and or left leaning irl that seem to think theres no hope and dont bother to vote! Its insane!!
one of the most infuriating things about becoming an adult is when you realize that it actually is 10x easier to solve problems by making a phone call vs literally any other communication method
???
Old Lighters 🤔
if I say "I have to Austin Powers my car out of a parking space," do you understand what i mean
like this?
