me.
wait why was he the bad guy i dont understand
Required education and mandatory waking hours implies that Lazytown is actually a communist dictatorship and Robby Rotten is actually a freedom fighter who’s reputation has been slandered by state run media.
Robbie Rotten is the true hero of Lazytown.
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i'm fascinated by how much of a miserable fuck you are, in the same way a medical researcher is fascinated by discovering a new type of cancer. kindly go fuck yourself with a mitre saw.
lol
scottish people twitter…
how could you leave out the best
i am a gender-atheist.
yes, i know your god gender is very important to you.
yes, i know your religion gender is a fundamental part of how you understand yourself
yes, feel free to think/act about your religion gender whatever way you want (as long as you don’t make any requirements of me to validate your belief)
yes i know you believe that people have believed in god gender for the whole of civilization.
still doesn’t mean i believe in it.
An app that shows you where there’s a young man in possession of a good fortune who must be in want of a wife
On the radar:
Gentleman with 5,000 pounds a year Handsome tragic veteran Dashing officer of good breeding Gentleman with 10,000 pounds a year Liberal-minded heir to a large estate
Your phone buzzes:
Mr. Collins
libfems you fucked up a perfectly good movement, that’s what you did. Look, it has capitalism and males.
Eating banana bread on the kitchen floor at midnight
when you see a pastel moodboard with generic ‘weaponized femininity’ type slogans and youre trying to guess which bizarre watered-down fanon version of a female character its supposed to be this time
parenting an angsty teen
John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner
THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE
GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY
This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.
[Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt & Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jones’s What’s New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited.
Here’s the thing about when, uh, What’s New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again.’ It’s ‘hey, What’s New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played What’s New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?
Now, John and I we’re watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on. And we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he’s like staring at his coffee cup like this, and he’s been onto us since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly…
BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and I’m punching in the What’s New Pussycats alright? I’ve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me ‘hey hey hey before you punch in another What’s New Pussycat let’s drop in one It’s Not Unusual.’
Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven What’s New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, IT’S NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’s It’s Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven What’s New Pussycats. It’s true. Dead honest.
And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. It’s Not Unusual fade out. It’s dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like ‘yup some crap as always.’
They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.]
reblogging again coz this time it has audio transcription (bless you) and it’s still forever hilarious omg
N° 5: Wolfsbane-Aconite (Aconitum Napellus) 🌸 Considered as “the queen of the poisons”, the whole plant is highly toxic, kills imminently in 6 hours of their consumption with a massive failure of organs. The plant can easily be mixed in the food pretending to be a “Spice”. It was said that he had supernatural powers associated with the “curse of the werewolf”, either to repel them or using the flower to cure the curse 🌸 Materials: Graphite, marker, gouache and ink on recycled leaf-textured paper
now i just have one final illustration left!
the treat yo self scene in parks n rec is the worst thing that ever happened to my self control
