me as hell
honestly same
*walks into school* wtf there are so many people from my school here
nice try hurting my feelings but little did you know i haven't had feelings since 1998
do you ever like… hear somebody make a joke about how sad they are and everyone else is laughing but you’re sitting there like: i gotta help this guy. holy shit are you okay bud. nice joke but for real i’m here when you need me we can talk about anything no judgement
where did lorde go. what did taylor swift do to her
Ever realize how nothing matters and you can just walk out in the middle of a class and buy a scone
Probably 70% of my humor is zooming in on someone’s face
when they say the name of the movie in the movie
Marina Keegan, The Opposite of Loneliness: Essays and Stories (via theliteraryjournals)
Paul Gilmartin, The Mental Illness Happy Hour (via wordsnquotes)
Don’t drink and drive your dog won’t understand why you never came home
Aw fuck damn my heart
O.R.A (via wordsnquotes)