why don't people in zombie apocalypse stories ever just wear suits of armor? you think any zombie is gonna get their shitty rotting jaws through this?

I'm gonna rip and tear my way through the zombie apocalypse completely unharmed because none of the undead hoards will be able to get through my plate mail

everyone else is like "oh we gotta stay inside the most secure places possible and never leave" and I'll be storming through the wastelands in my bloodstained suit of armor, blasting the Doom (2016) OST and plowing my way through waves of the undead. one of them tries to bite me but his shitty rotting teeth don't even leave a dent in my armor before I turn his head into paste. I'll be unstoppable until I die of dehydration or something like an idiot

this goes along with my other pet peeve about zombie apocalypse stories, namely: why does no one ever think to ride a bike? 

bikes are quiet- if the zombies react to loud noises, they won’t hear you on a bike the way they might hear you in a car. bikes don’t need gas, meaning you won’t be stranded if you run out. bikes are much, much easier to maintain than a car- there’s no computer that can short out, no fiddly engine bits that could kill you if you mess with them wrong. you can learn how to maintain a bike with a couple weeks’ worth of classes. almost every adult knows how to ride a bike, and without cars on the road, it’d be much safer to do. 

what i’m saying is

American author Mark Twain (b. 1835) lurches from his grave only to give you a massive thumbs up and die again

Mark Twain essentially invented the genre of a bystander sent into a time-travel sci-fi plot just to get someone to draw this image for him. And today we can simply search for such a picture. It is a time of wonders

#this post has everything. zombies. knights. bicycles. knights on bicycles. mark twain.

THEY KEEP ASKING ME IF I WOULD DIE FOR THEM AND I KEEP ASKING WHY THEY WANT ME DEAD

job interviews

Apparently there was some kind of race scheduled at a local park or something so I've been trying to avoid the main trail but a little while ago when I had to cross near it I overheard the following shouted exchange

And goddamn if that didn't rewire my brain a little bit.

Last place is still a place, baby.

I know of a trail racing company that gives the slowest racer who finishes every race a DFL award: Dead Fucking Last. I was a little taken aback by this until I had it explained to me that those last-place finishers are pretty much uniformly people for whom finishing at all was an accomplishment: people undergoing cancer treatments, absolute beginners, runners in their eighties, extremely pregnant people, you get the idea. Moreover, what you see as this person crosses the finish line is all these sporty trail racers, many of whom finished the race literal hours earlier, cheering their hearts out because they respect that, yes, DFL is still a place, baby.

Literally the first thought I had was käänteiskentauri

Reblogging for many things but especially for that final pun.

I'm gonna link to the animations in case y'all either don't remember or have never heard of some of these.

A quick note: these were made in the 2000s. Comedy is subjective, there's some strong examples of dark and/or "lolz teh random" humor in these. Maybe some cultural blindness, too. That said, enjoy a time capsule of stuff made before/during the birth of Youtube, now hosted on Youtube.

Kenya

Salad Fingers, episode 2

End of Ze World

Schfifty Five

The Hamster Dance

Badgers

"Rejected" by Don Hertzfeldt

Charlie the Unicorn

The Llama Song

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

I'm just

just

gonna leave this here

I am shocked that Crazy Frog isn't mentioned considering "The Annoying Thing" animation happened in 2003 and forced itself into the world of ringtones. Anyway, here's my Honorable Mention (2006):

Growing.

MASSIVE NEWS FOR LINGUISTS: the sphinx of black quartz has just befriended the quick brown fox and the lazy dog.

HELL YEA

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

26/26

I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.

ATTENTION

If you see this you are OBLIGATED to reblog w/ the song currently stuck in your head :)

Wubbadubbadub, iz'zat true?

This is makign me sick why are the devs taking off his hat every frame and putting it back just to do it again for the rest of his life. do you think its funny? you sickos you freaks leave him alone you dont deserve him

I want them to hurry up and add Zero Mission to NSO because there's something funny about the idea that you can play Zero Mission to unlock Metroid 1 on it and then you can play Metroid 1 on Zero Mission on GBA NSO as if NES NSO isn't right there.

hi homestar runner tumblr! i decided to make the largest mashup i physically could featuring homestar and an anime ive never watched. please do enjoy as i took way too long editing this, heres the youtube link! https://youtu.be/jEHmDgBxWao

$122,000. And the thing is so shodily designed that the accelerator can become that easily stuck. It isn't even all one piece.

$122,000. That's more than my entire household income, and we're 3 adults with full-time jobs.

If you gave that $122,000 to Feeding America, that would provide over 1 million meals.

That's $122,000 more than Tesla paid in taxes.

I'm repeating myself from the last time I reblogged a Cybertruck post, but I can't stress enough how much I hate this fucking vehicle: it's a bulletproof stainless steel monstrosity with shitty crumple zones and which “steers by wire” (which is digital, not mechanical); operates mostly electronically and via (touch)screens and cameras; and has unbreakable windows.

Time and time again it's proven more unsafe than the last time. Fuck this thing.

@Fanfic writers:

My friend send me this link, is a series on a profile on Ao3 (tumblr) that has different tutorials to insert things to fanfics via html code, I thought I would share bc it’s really cool

Lists of tutorials:

This is a tutorial/live example on how to make large images fit on mobile browsers but remain normal size on desktop browsers.

This is a tutorial/live example on how to mimic the look of letters, fliers, and stationery (as well as other forms of written media) without using images. For all your epistolary fic needs.

This is a tutorial/live example on how to create a "Choose Your Own Adventure" fic. While this has been explained before (see here), this particular tutorial shows you how to use a work skin to hide the next parts from the reader until they click through to get to them.

This is a live example of how an author can create linked footnotes in their work with only a little bit of HTML and no workskins required. This is best viewed by clicking "Entire Work". While I've included the actual coding in bold and italic once you click "Hide Creator's Style", there's a more detailed explanation here.

This a tutorial/live example on how to have text change or appear once a cursor is hovering over it. Helpful for pop-up spoilers, language translations, quick author's notes, etc.

Anonymous on tumblr: do you have a skin that would mimic the author’s notes and review/kudos buttons section from the end of a fic? the desired effect being that the fic could go on after the “end” of the fic, so after the author’s notes and review/kudos buttons

Here's a tutorial/live example to do just that, with some of the buttons actually functioning. I'll explain more inside!

This is a tutorial/live example on how to align images to the left or right of the screen and have text wrap around them.

This is a tutorial/live example on how to mimic email windows on AO3 without the need to use images.

This is a tutorial/live example on how to mimic iOS text messages on AO3 without the need to use images. There's also a chapter on how to have emojis displayed on AO3 as well.

Bored with the default page dividers? This is a tutorial/live example on how customize your page dividers with no images needed (though I do show you how you could use images if you wanted to do such a thing).

This is a live example how to make invisible text that can only be seen by highlighting the text. Tutorial is included in text, and you can always leave comments about questions you may have.

MOBILE USERS: Sadly, this probably won't work for you, since highlighting in a mobile browser is different than web. I've tried correcting this, but have yet to find a solution.

Original coding and design is from layouttest. I make no claims for it, just tweaked it so it will work on AO3.

This is a live example of my AO3 skin that allows the author to recreate the look of lined notebook paper in their work. To learn more about it, you can find the tutorial here.

This is a live example of my AO3 skin that allows the author to recreate the look of sticky notes (aka Post-Its) in their fic. To learn more about it, you can find the tutorial here.

This is a live example of my AO3 skin that allows the author to recreate the look of Deadpool's thinking boxes in their fic. To learn more about it, you can find the tutorial here.

This is a live example of my AO3 skin that allows the author to recreate the look of a newspaper article in their work. To learn more about it, you can find the tutorial here.

This is really useful and I'll always reblog it.

"No one remembered my birthday-" Well, but did YOU tell anyone it was coming up and you wanted to celebrate it with them?

"I wish someone would see through it when I tell people I'm fine-" Well, but have YOU considered not lying when people ask you how you're doing?

"I am so resentful of my friend because they keep doing this thing that really bothers me-" Well, but have YOU directly communicated that the thing is bothering you?

"I am burning out because my friend keeps expecting me to help them with serious struggles-" Well, but have YOU tried to establish the boundaries you need to feel okay?

"No one ever asks me about this thing I really care about-" Well, but have YOU brought it up yourself?

"I miss my friend but they haven't texted me-" Well, but have YOU been reaching out to them?

Sometimes people are mean, uncaring assholes, in which case you get to be mad. But sometimes you just need to communicate better. Try communication before you assume someone doesn't care!

Having someone who knows you on such a deep level that they see past your mask, or sense you need a check in is such a deep satisfying fantasy. It's up there with living in a cottagecore farm, or buying all your friends houses when you win the lottery. But you have to make peace with the fact that this is also a fantasy. It is unfair to expect people to "just know" when to respect your boundaries or to push them.

Being cared for is not a fantasy. But you have to let people know you need it. And you have to understand that sometimes they will let you down. Just like you totally could live in a cute farm, but you still have to shovel shit, and the crops sometimes die anyway. Or maybe you win the lottery, but you still have to manage your money and learn real estate law.

The fantasy isn't the caring, the fantasy is not having to do the work. And it sucks. It's embarrassing. But like the meme says, it's not rotten if it's YOU. So do it for yourself.

"The fantasy isn't the caring, the fantasy is not having to do the work"! Thank you for that addition. Because it's not a naive expectation to want someone to care to treat you right. But it requires communication and mutual effort to actually get there

I think any inanimate thing you regularly care for becomes a little alive.

Quick question: Have you ever heard of either animism or panentheism?

Cause this is kind of those.

I have heard of animism and pantheism yes.

more importantly have u ever heard of the velveteen rabbit?

cuz this is exactly that

I am aware of many things.

Have you heard the lone cricket cry in the cool, cool grass?

have you heard of armored core 6 that game fucking rules

Armorws core 6 so badass...