Cafe Rumble!

Once again the fates align, the paths of two great warriors must cross! It is time for a rumble in ‘The Summer Song Café’! That is right, the chairs and tables have been moved to either side of the room. Leaving a wide open space between the door and the counter. Adoring ponies line both sides cheering and sipping drinks. Nibbling on scones and cookies, and there to cheer on one of the fighters is the golden pegasi Meadow Lark. That is right folks the fighter of this fight is none other than the ‘Menacing Matriarch! The Queen of Clean! The Silencer of Sass! Former Guard Pony and loving mother Merriweather! From stage left she enters, stepping out from behind the counter her apron aglow with magic as she removes and folds the apron to be placed upon the counter. A stern look given to the announcer, there will be no repeat of last time. Pre-fight banter translated from Japanese into English by a first year student. Gone is the cry ‘The thrust of the spear of justice is long and hard’, certain ponies still try to tease her about that one.

And coming in stage right is none other than the horror of horrors! Embodiment of suffering and negative emotions! The cutting edge of the edge! Caretaker of the insane and emotionally unstable it is Memory! The door slowly creeps open, a fog rolling in as the masked cloaked pony glides into the café. Slowly he descends until his hooves touch the floor the fog starting to clear now as the crowd gasps and oohs. Still making the same repetitive motions of taking bites, sipping and pumping their front hooves into the air. The focus shifts towards Merriweather a broom sparkling with magic spins around her.

“I’m going to Hamster Ball you so fast your mask will spin!”

Letting out a deep echoing laugh Memory retorts, “Foolish mare, you are no match for my army of tiny terrors! Go forth minions, the green mare has juice boxes and cookies!”

This of course is quite the odd thing to say in a fight, what is even odder is what happens next. For from behind Memory comes a swarm of those tiny terrors. Merriweather gasps in shock as she sees what the masked pony like thing meant! It is her greatest weakness, how could he have possibly known that she could not resist the power of… BABIES! So many baby ponies! Adorable little faces and squeeze-able cheeks! Cooing and burbling as they crawl, walk and teeter towards the green mare. Oh look at all the adorable babies they are just so cute! Her heart is about to melt when suddenly a realization strikes her, where did he get all of these infant ponies? Almost as if on cue Miss Cheerilee pokes her head into view and gives Merriweather a wave, “Hello Merri, this nice fellow offered to pay for a little outing for the day care. I hope you don’t mind.” It is unlikely that Merri will care, for the young ones have reached her. She is lost in the blissful embrace of all those little ones, they are crawling all over her while she laughs and tries her best to get back up. There are hungry mouths to feed after all and juice boxes to hand out!

Winner: Memory! One moment, what is that? Diapers need changed?!

New Winner: Merriweather!

http://askmerriweather.tumblr.com/

Happy Valentines day!

Be puffy. Blush a lot. Always be screaming. Feel the love employee of the month.

Annalise on the case

Stacks of books and piles of scrolls litter the massive research table in the guards barracks. It is nothing but dead end after dead end for the pink maned guard pony. It seems that everytime she gets close to something mind magic or WCP 333-1 past it ends up leading nowhere. There is one thing that she has been able to determine, those that practiced mind magic didn’t last long. It is a very bad type of magic, one that can affect not only the one that spells are cast upon but also the world as a whole. There have been those powerful enough to erase entire kingdoms from memory. Many of the tomes were cursed with spells meant to make those that read them forget. Some just made the reader forget why they wanted that book. Others were meant to wipe the mind completely clean, leaving the reader a blank slate. And so little by little she has wittled them down. Undoing the threads of the curses, making the books safe to read. When she is done they are locked away once more, such knowledge should not be available to the public.

Not that it would help much, someone has gone to great lengths to make sure that there will never be such a resurgence of this type of magic. It is impossible to tell who altered these texts though. From what she has manage to gather this mind magic is able to alter not only the memories of living things but also non living items. The very books and scrolls she is reading could have had some spell cast on them that made them remember what was written on them differently. She isn’t even sure if she is making progress, at any moment she might end up forgetting what she was doing. Going into the break room earlier she nearly had a mental break down when she got distracted by someone calling her name. She completely forgot why she went into the break room, paranoia kicking in. Perhaps she does need to take a break, leave this for a little while. Let somebody else poke through this research, see if fresh eyes will help with anything. Right after this next scroll, the ancient parchment crinkles in protest as it is unrolled. She has to be very careful, or these ancient texts will turn to dust. Then she would need to have to face off with the terrifying terror that is the tiny librarian who rules with an iron hoof. 

Annalise is positive that a strong enough sneeze would be enough to send him flying backwards. However all thoughts of the librarian vanish as she looks upon the scroll, it is a schematic for a device. One capable of detecting localized mind magic, a magical Geiger counter designed for one school of magic! They have been trying to create something more reliable like this for quite some time. There have been prototypes but they either can’t detect anything or explode when you turn them on. Racing out of the room Annalise goes to report her findings. In the empty room the soft sound of scratching can be heard, it sounds like a pen writing on parchment. A few symbols and design specs change ever so subtlety. The Story must proceed.

Holiday Cheer

Time for another parody song, this one titled ‘Scrooge’ from A Muppet Christmas Carol. Good flick.

Through the empty halls of Cloudlantis he moves, The Smiling Guard stalks the lonely dust filled corridors while all around him ponies begin to break into song.

When a cold wind blows it chills you Chills you to the bone But there's nothing in nature that freezes your heart Like years of being alone

It paints you with indifference Like a lady paints with rouge And the worst of the worst The most hated and cursed Is the one that we call Smiling  Unkind as any And the wrath of many This is that Smiling Guard

Oh, there goes Mr. Humbug There goes Mr. Grim If they gave a prize for bein' mean the winner would be him Oh, Smiley loves his darkness cause he thinks it gives him power If he became a flavor you can bet he would be sour ("Yuck", "Even the vegetables don't like him!")

There goes Mr. Creepy There goes Mr. Monster The undisputed master of the underhanded deed He inflicts suffering and woe on those that are down trodden Us small folk live in misery It's even worse for foals ("Please, sir, I want a night light.)

Meanwhile at WCP headquarters Annalyse finds herself singing a soft tune as she looks over the files of WCP 333 ‘Smiling Guard’.

He must be so lonely He must be so sad He goes to extremes to convince us he's bad He's really a victim of fear and of pride Look close and there must be a sweet stallion inside *Flips page*                   Maybe

There goes Mr. Humbug There goes Mr. Grinch He has no time for friends or fun His anger makes that clear Don't ask him for a favor 'cause his nastiness increases No joy for those in need No snacks for us foals

There goes Mr. Damaged There goes Mr. Fool He never gives, he only takes He lets this hunger rule If bein' mean's a way of life He'll practice and rehearse And all that work is paying off 'Cause Smiling is getting worse Every day, in every way, Smiling is getting worse

With a sudden twirl the bat pony turns, wings flared kicking up a small cloud of dust. A singular blue eye scans the empty hallway, the voices gone. The feeling of their presence gone as well. No other pony has walked these halls in ages. But he heard them as clearly as his own voice.

 “Just the imagination playing tricks on me right?”

“But of course, there is nobody else here but me.”

“Right... just me.”

Healthy State of Mind

I use to think about the state of my mind, and how healthy my outlook was. Things got easier when I realized something, everyone is like me. They have the same outlook on me that I have on myself. I know that I am not a not liked, in fact it is safe to say that I am hated. I hate myself and so it shouldn’t be that much of a stretch to believe that is what others think of me. I am a monster after all, and monsters are things to be hated. To be despised, especially those that go against the story. I realize that is what I did, that is why my old Masters took away my power. It wasn’t because I was trying to undo all of the realities of the multiverse but because I stopped following the story. Free will is an illusion, I realize this. All we do leads to predestined events, those that try to avoid these events find that their actions cause them. Few ever embrace them and plunge head on. 

I have to get the story back on track, and as the monster it is my destiny to die. I saw it, in a vision my demise. I saw familiar faces and unfamiliar faces. The only reason monsters exist is so that heroes have a challenge to face, to prove their worth to complete their stories. And if I am going to get the turn out that I saw, I am going to need to spread a lot of misery. Yes... a lot of misery indeed. Why else would everyone hate me?

PTA-U Thoughts

Hey a craze! I’m going to get in on this one, since Crayon of http://ask-crayon-the-homeless-artist.tumblr.com/ took the job of janitor I’m going a different route.

Enigmatic Mr. Seebach

-Works multiple positions at the school, maintenance, substitute teacher all classes, teaches auto shop when the class becomes available once a year depending on funding

-Seems to only have one outfit, black slacks, white button up long sleeved shirt, light brown vest, sage green tie, light brown trench coat

-Always wears a thick pair of rounded vintage protective welding glasses, dark green lenses. Only removes them in extreme incidents, did not remove them when a student stabbed him

-Despite being mostly a maintenance worker on the books he appears to do more work teaching than keeping the school fixed up. School rarely needs anything fixed.

-Nobody can agree on what his face looks like, he has a very forgettable face. When questioned about this he comments he has a very Albert Spangler type of face

-Generally friendly with the rest of the staff, considered a work friend. Doesn’t speak about his life before coming to the school. Students started the rumor that he spent time in prison. Doesn’t deny this, conflicting stories of crimes he has admitted to ranging from grand theft auto, arson, murder, and lolly gagging

-Nobody knows where he lives, just that he drives a murder van

-Most students like him, trouble makers and bullies do not. Contraband disappears from their pockets and backpacks when he pass by

-Parents do not like him

-They do love his sea salt caramel that he sells at each Bake Sale

-Has a tendency to just show up frightening people as he is very quiet

-Has ruined many a make out, smoking, and drug deal this way

-OWNS A MURDER VAN

-Feeds the schools trio of cats, hides evidence of their presence. Saves money on mouse traps

Ever wonder what Memory, Timothy, and the other fragments sound like?

Smiling Guard and crew versus!

So I saw my death and it was quite frankly glorious. Lots of fire, heavy rain, lightning and explosions. Oh the explosions, truly a masterpiece of concussive force and falling debris. Yes there was also falling, I fell so very far into the ocean I think. Didn’t sink very fast, felt so very tired and weak I actually welcomed it. Right up until the point the debris crashed into the water above me, ruined that gentle descent. Didn’t hit me though I was off to the side, put a steel beam or something broke loose hooked me right through hip. Dragging me down into the welcoming dark. I’ll go into more details later but for now I had a lovely thought! I saw quite a few familiar faces and many unfamiliar ones before the final explosion. And it got me thinking about how many fights are probably going to happen between now and then. I wonder how they will go, so let’s turn on our imaginations and check this out! 

Imagine it like one of those Japanese fighting games, you got the intro cut scene. Four Guard Ponies come stumbling into view, one pudgy gray stallion calling out ‘Stop in the name of Equestria!’ And oh no, it is Timothy! He has been found by Bastion’s squad out in the gardens! Whatever will he do, why stand there dramatically in a gust of wind that blows his hooded cloak about! Health bars and special meters appear above each group! The timer count downs and an unseen voice shouts ‘FIGHT’! First up it is Arrowhead, leaping into the air and ready to strike! Gasp! The wind that ruffled Timothy’s cape is too strong for the feather weight guard and she is blown away into the distance. ‘Not again!’ she wails her voice trailing off. Right then next up it is Monolith, well rested after a nap he is ready to fight! Wait, hold on his cell phone just went off. Uh oh. Baby momma emergency, the cravings have hit and if they don’t get satisfied the city will burn. Down to two, Bastion and Nors! Surely they can contain this lone fragment and keeper of Prince Butters!

Nope. There goes Bastion running in fear and crying past the new Captain of the Guard Screwloose who just shakes her head in disbelief. ‘NO MORE SPANKINGS! MY PLOT CAN’T TAKE IT!’ That is the fastest he has moved in some time, wonder what he saw to make him scared like that? Nobody else around but a certain green maid pony by the name Atjour. So now it is just down to poor old Nors, he now has a reason to be extra grumpy having to take on Timothy Alone. But first he has to look to see what that Anon just threw at him. Oh... it is a cupcake, an acorn cupcake... A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS! And Nors is done, one shotted by the flying tackle of none other than Prince Butters! Look at his health bar drop, and now he is getting slobbered on, oh the ponymanity! Oh the horror! 

Winner: Prince Butters

Time passes by

It has been so very long, so very long since I have thought of the world below. I have missed quite a bit, my little star went away. I didn’t even get to say good bye. Probably for the best, I am not the best of influences. All I do is sit up here in the sky and tend to my garden. Oh yes, that is right, some of you may not know that I live in the abandoned and forgotten city of Cloudlantis. Funny story, the tribes got together to build it but one greedy pony wanted it all for themselves. So they tried to steal it, taking off before the tribes could move in. Ended up dying, but they got their wish. The city was all theirs, up in the stratosphere where no pony could survive for long. I found it, cleaned it up and now I call it home. I saw a bright light, it annoyed me but it quickly faded. The Crystal Kingdom is always doing that, hurts my eyes. Probably that magical parasite ridden stair lover blowing up again. I’d feel bad for him, if he had any fashion sense. Oh well, it doesn’t really matter. I have been cut off from the world for far too long.

I stopped watching the world, I let it all go. I just stopped caring, it was a... mixed bag of blessings. For the better I have been doing quite a bit of soul searching, coming to terms with the fact that I am a monster. I will always be a monster, and my role in this world is set in stone. But I will do all that I can to be the best monster that I can be. I know what else is out there, so I have to help the heroes of this world become strong enough to face them. On the other hoof though I have lost track of so many things. I don’t know what is happening in the world, I have to learn so much. I have also lost the vast majority of my Fragments. I can only sense about four of them out in Equestria now, I should check up on them. Especially Timothy, he is still taking care of Prince Butters. Memory I know is capable of handling himself, but it is odd that he isn’t responding to my calls. Probably angry that I have cut myself off from him and the others. I am sure he is fine though. 

‘Hammer those anvils, enforce those wards

Clang chant clang chant

There are diamond dogs and crystal wolves whose hearts are as black as coal

Clang chant clang chant’

Perfectly fine.... Oh and I had a vision of my death. It was glorious.