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MockingByrd94

@mockingbyrd94 / mockingbyrd94.tumblr.com

I'm Nora! lalala
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Cutting off hair in ancient Asia (Japan, china, Korea & possibly some other Asian cultures) symbolizes being banished or rejected from their home. In the more modern age that is now, cutting long hair into a short cut means to forget the past, leaving the old and starting anew.

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markv5

Два вечно удивлённых изумруда на плюшевом серебре :3

Два вечно удивлённых изумруда на плюшевом серебре :3

“two perpetually smiling emeralds on plush silver :3”

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awwww-cute

My mom’s cats, they’re brothers

Synchronized catting

This is called mirroring. Cats do this with each other (and humans!) as a way of being social. 

Copycats

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skellydun

rip santa.

Working in Retail in under 3 minutes

i had to watch this like 5 times because of no captions but lmao if someone makes a transcript for this it would be bomb

transcript: “So we have these Santas at work, right, okay? We have black and we have white Santas. And they’re like creepy, five-foot tall, lifelike animatronic… like, Santas that hold plates of cookies and milk, and they kinda look like they could wake up and come to life and murder you in your sleep– and they don’t include batteries, but we have these Santas. Like nothing screams ‘festive holiday cheer’ like a big, hulking Santa. Um. Nothin’ will jingle your jangles more. So, um, this woman comes in and she’s like, “Do you have these?” and I’m like, “Oh my god, yeah!” So a couple weeks ago we sold out of our white Santas, and we are down to like, three black Santas. And so, I take her to the aisle, I show her the Santas, and the first thing out of her mouth is, “I’m not racist, but…” and I’m like, well, I can’t– I’m not in the position to decide if you are or not, but if like– if I could use context clues and infer, uh, I would say maybe that you might be. And three, we’re talking about Santa. Like– (stuttering) did we switch subjects? And so, um, I’m in like, I– the next thing that pops out of her mouth is like, “This is not right.” and I’m like, okay, I’m sorry, but this is what the picture was. And she’s like, “No. Santa is white.” And I’m like, oh no, okay. Okay. So I’m in– I’m about to tell her, I’m like, mid-sentence, like, “I’m sorry, do you want me to go call another store, do you need me to, like, write you a raincheck just in case we we get any more.” And she’s like, “This is wrong, I want them taken down.” She interrupts me, says that, and I’m like, (pause). I like, look around, and I’m like, is she talking to me? Is this, like, my own, like, personal hell? But like, of course it is. So, um, I’m like, “I can’t take these Santas down.” And she’s like, “Why not?!” And I’m like, “You either have to buy them, or take them down yourself.” And that was like, the stupidest thing I could have ever said, because– (sighs) she takes this bag, with like, Jesus’s face, like, slammed right in the middle as a design– it’s big– she takes it off her shoulder, and starts beating these black Santas! She starts beating these Santas down, they were like, falling down… and I’m like, oh my god! What– what is happening? So like, I step in the middle of her and these Santas and I’m like, “Ma’am, ma’am, you need to leave, you need to stop, or I’m going to have to call someone.” So she like, stops, and she’s like, beet red, and like, huffin’ and puffin’, and she like, looks at me and I can tell she’s just trying to get like, a one-liner in, and she’s like, “The Santa I know is white.” And then she walks away. And I’m like, well– I’m processing what’s happening, while also thinking, like, the Santa you know? Santa’s not real. So unless you’re using an ouija board to contact good old Kris Kringle, um, from like, B.C. or whenever, I’m like, that’s pretty impressive, but how ya doin’ that. And, um, I– the last thought that ran through my mind is that, I’m like, I would hate to be in the room with her when she finds out that Jesus is not white.”

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hell year hell year hell year hell year hell year hell year hell year hell year hell year hell year

(from a 2015 interview)

i hope she’s comfortable

Please don’t forget the best one so far^^^

another example of Koko’s humour by Jane Goodall:

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autumngracy

Nothing pleases me more than to learn the fact that apes also will look at a thing and go “it me”

#hardsame

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agoodcartoon

Guys who complain about the friendzone often don’t care about their female friends’ personal boundaries, forcing their female friends build more walls up. A good cartoon.

- submitted by Gene

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sciencevevo

why is he tearing down a wall with an axe

i hate it when your put in the friendzone and made to tear down a wall

Mr. Gorbachev…tear down this friendzone

how you gonna draw some shit that makes you look like Jack Nicholson in The Shining and still feel like you’re the victim

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bogleech

I DON’T *CHOP* UNDERSTAND *CHOP* WHY *CHOP* YOU CAN’T *CHOP* JUST *CHOP* LET ME *CHOP* BONE YOU *CHOP* ON AN INDEFINITE *CHOP* EXCLUSIVE *CHOP* BASIS *CHOP* WHEN *CHOP* I’M *CHOP* SO *CHOP* NIIIIIIIIIIIICE *CHOP*

“I’m going to wall you up now, Fortunato.”

“Ha ha, and then what? ;) ”

“For the love of God, Montresor!” -Cask of Amontifriendzone, Edgar Allan Poe

Incessantly, I heard a smacking, as of some entitled dipshit whacking, whacking on my chamber door.

Resignedly, I placed another layer, voicing a quiet, repeated prayer, “This dude thinks he’s a player, but I am not a point to score, he should fuck off and bother me no more.”

Quoth the friendzoned, “Fucking whore.”

- The Craven, by Edward Allen Bro

edgar allen bro

Oh my god

holy shit

This gets better every time.

REBLOGGING FOR THAT FUCKING POEM ALL PRAISE

Pretty sure I’d reblogged this before, but I’m equally sure that poem wasn’t there.

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baaulp

*holding both hands to the sides of my temple, struggling and sweating. A hotdog (no bun) levitates in front of my face*

Aaaaaaauuuuuuugggghhhh-

*The hotdog rockets forward past my face, splattering on the wall behind me*

*places another hotdog in front of you*

Again.

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So I got this ad on youtube...

It’s for U.S. Cellular, specifically advertising how great their streaming service is. You can even , the guy in the ad says, stream hours of grass mowing.

And I go… “wait a minute…that sounds weird…why hasn’t this ad ended yet?”

And I look at the bottom. 

the ad is seven hours long.

UPDATE

i’m half an hour in

the guy’s come back a couple times. his mower broke down and he went to get more gas. he came back and started it up again, drove around a few more times making comments about it being fun and “you still watchin? weird.” After a bit he took out a ruler and started measuring the grass.

He pulled out a book and a lawn chair and started reading, but he just left and said he’ll be back soon

he brought out an umbrella but it fell over so he left and came back and tried to fix it but it completely broke so he stalked off, dragging the chair behind him. i’m loving this.

HE BROUGHT OUT A HAND-HELD UMBRELLA

he’s really getting into the book

He put away the umbrella and book and stuff and now he’s measuring the grass again.

HE’S GONNA PLAY CROQUET

the sprinklers turned on…i’m two hours into this thing

more compelling than real tv tbh

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