okay, but where is, “I’M THE SMARTEST RACCOON I KNOW”

Marry me.

I think it’s important that y’all know there are 37 fanworks featuring this character on AO3.

there’s 42 now :D

I knew you were trouble when you Heeley’d in

we all need to fuck

you tell me this the day after i trade my penis in at gamestop

despite what the american school system may have led you to believe, explaining what happened is not the same as “making excuses”

Although this is a shock to nobody evidence that Chris Pratt is an absolute child!!! Part 2

Who was the man who first salted the slug

What was he thinking to try

Roaming the lands pouring salt on god’s creatures

Hoping for one which would die

Billy Joel - Piano Man

*small scream*

You can scream better than that

nervous

GET OUT BEFORE I MAKE YOU GET OUT

more nervous than before

Hey, don’t worry Fish! Just come on out when you’re ready.. And when you do I can supply hugs and sweets UwU

less nervous (back to original state of nervousness)

We’re here for you fish! You can come out whenever you feel safe to, okay? We love you very very much!!

coming out

g… go back in

coming out more

you’re doing great fish

NO, HE’S NOT MAKE HIM GO AWAY

stop you’ll scare him

Well he’s scaring me FUCK OFF FISH

nervous

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

It’s okay fish, we love you just the way you are

NO NO NO WE DO NOT LOVE FISH 

FISH IS WEIRD 

DON’T LISTEN TO THEM FISH, THEY’RE JUST BEING MEAN

not nervous

PLEASE be nervous again

not gonna be nervous anymore

proud of u fish you’re doing amazing

…i’m out

I adore the catfish episodes when it turns out to be the actual person 😭💗

I hate those episodes I only watch for the deceit and lies

this is a fucking mood

You’re all monsters

even her?

No!!! Of course not!!!! She’s wonderful!

you fool!!

Concept: a lesbian version of queer eye where all the lesbians have their own specific skill set except they’re all really oddly specific

Who needs a fashionable lesbian when you have a lesbian who knows how to keep bees

Bee keeping lesbian: finds unique ways to keep bees.

Blacksmithing lesbian: will forge you various steel items.

Anti fashion lesbian: just completely destroys any semblance of fashion sense.

Knife lesbian: self explanatory.

Cat lesbian: fills your house with adopted cats. Allergy considerations come second priority.

tag yourself

most tumblr jokes are utterly embarassing to say in public but today i said to someone “bold of you to assume i have dignity” and i won’t lie it was the most powerful I’ve felt in years