Akaulitzx

One thing I’ve noticed about people in or entering their 30s is they don’t make as many compromises anymore. If someone doesn’t meet them halfway, is not up to standard, is just not where they’re needed to be, they’re just like “ok cool” and they move on from the person. Which is not to say they’re less empathetic or understanding, but more that they have learned that time is their most prized possession and they’re not willing to make massive compromises on it. They are not obsessed w the idea of fixing someone (bc the concept of fixing a person doesn’t really exist). They simply move on to someone who is up to par. I want that. I want to always move w the awareness that time is my most priceless belonging and I can never buy it back. Ever. So I have to use it wisely

when days are hard remember that there’s a past version of yourself that is so proud of who you’re becoming

— (via liebeficktunsalle)

— https://earthspots.tumblr.com/ (via earthspots)

🚩 Unhealthy relationship red flags 🚩

(ctto the rightful owner)

Being optimistic is key, but forcing positivity when you’re meant to feel something else is a disservice to your growth.

I truly appreciate kindness. I appreciate a quick message, I appreciate those who ask me if I’m okay, I appreciate every person in my life who has tried to brighten my days a little.

“Anger is the demand of accountability, It is evaluation, judgment, and refutation. It is reflective, visionary, and participatory. It’s a speech act, a social statement, an intention, and a purpose. It’s a risk and a threat. A confirmation and a wish. It is both powerlessness and power, palliative and a provocation. In anger, you will find both ferocity and comfort, vulnerability and hurt. Anger is the expression of hope. How much anger is too much? Certainly not the anger that, for many of us, is a remembering of a self we learned to hide and quiet. It is wilful and disobedient. It is survival, liberation, creativity, urgency, and vibrancy. It is a statement of need. An insistence of acknowledgment. Anger is a boundary. Anger is boundless. An opportunity for contemplation and self-awareness. It is commitment. Empathy. Self-love. Social responsibility. If it is poison, it is also the antidote. The anger we have as women is an act of radical imagination. Angry women burn brighter than the sun.”

─ Soraya Chemaly, Rage Becomes Her

— 10/13/20, anastasiasyah

C.S. Lewis

and i’ve mentioned this before but the common conception that ppl who constantly suffer become desensitized to suffering is perfectly wrong. ppl who experience repeated psychological and physiological stressors, esp in childhood, actually become more responsive to stress, w stress response systems in the brain & body getting increasingly sensitive to stimuli and having more prolonged/exaggerated reactions  

what doesn’t kill you does not make you stronger, it makes you sicker and less able to cope biologically and emotionally w additional hardship

I spent my entire childhood hoping someone would love me enough to save me from my parents

I would probably be the worst person to give parenting advice because my standards are so low, if someone asked me how to raise a kid i would just go “don’t threaten to kill them” and if they’re a normal person they would go “what” and I would be like “yea and if they get suicidal don’t call it attetion seeking and if they self harm talk to them about it at least once without blaming them and if they get sick don’t tell them its their own fault and don’t force them to work if they’re obviously in a miserable shape and heartbroken or visibly upset and stressed” and it feels like those things should be unnecessary to say but what do I know? I’m still failing to prove that it was wrong to do these things to me.

“Don’t blame them for things they can’t possibly control, don’t accuse them of stuff they didn’t do, don’t punish them for having trauma symptoms, don’t use their pain or insecurities against them, don’t tell them that you were right when they fail at something, don’t make fun of their despair, don’t tell them they deserve to get hurt, don’t forget that they rely on you to tell them they’re valuable, don’t forget to comfort them at least sometimes and tell them everything is going to be okay, don’t insult them when they don’t know something, remember they’re a small underdeveloped human and they have no skills to cope if you lash out at them, don’t get angry if they dissociate when they’re scared, don’t physically intimidate them to frighten them into obedience, don’t threaten to kick them out, don’t yell at them when they’re crying, don’t forget to tell them that you’re proud of them.”

This is not a lot. It’s below minimum standard. How do abusive parents convince us that this.. is too much to ask for? That it is somehow hard, to not do this to a kid? This is nothing. This is demanding merely that you’re not intensely hateful and cruel to a child. They couldn’t even do that. And yet the words “you’re lucky” and “you should be grateful” fall from their lips like they don’t know they’ve been putting us thru torture all this time. You can’t not be aware that you’re doing something like that to a kid.

Sometimes it’s better to let things go and leave people and situations alone. Stop looking for explanations, excuses, closure, validation or answers. Stop living a life centered on what others did or didn’t do. Focus on how you want to feel and what you can do about it. Peace comes when you realize that your happiness was created by you. You are your own responsibility.

Arrival (2016) dir. Denis Villeneuve