@feandra

“”EXPECTO PATRONUM!” Harry yelled. Nothing happened. Harry gripped his dick tighter and shook it up and down until a thick, whispy white substance protruded from the end of it.” 

“Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his dick hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent.”

“He had not been this close to Malfoy since he had watched him muttering to Crabbe and Goyle during Dumbledore’s speech about Cedric. He could feel a kind of ringing in his ears. His hand gripped his dick under his robes”

LOL dark-blueeeee

“My dick.” Said Ron. “Look at my dick.” It had snapped, almost in two, and the tip was dangling limply, held on by only a few spare splinters.

I’ve got this…

“Twelve and a quarter inches…pleasantly springy. It’s in fine condition…You treat it regularly?“

“Polished it last night,” said Cedric, grinning.

Harry looked down at his own dick. He could see finger marks all over it.

He gathered a fistful of robe from his knee and tried to rub it clean surreptitiously. Several gold sparks shot out of the end of it.

Fleur Delacour gave him a very patronizing look, and he desisted.

“No volunteers?” said Voldemort. “Let’s see…Lucius, I see no reason for you to have a dick anymore.”

Lucius Malfoy look up. His skin appeared yellowish and waxy in the firelight, and his eyes were sunken and shadowed. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse.

“My Lord?”

“Your dick, Lucius. I require your dick.”

PFFFFF HAHA

“Your dick, Lucius. I require your dick.”

Harry got to his feet. He was shaking and out of breath. Ron was standing there with his dick still raised, staring at what he had done.

It was Hermione who spoke first.

“is it - dead?”

“I don’t think so,” said Harry “I think it’s just been knocked out”

He bent down and pulled his dick out of the troll’s nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy grey blue.

——

“What on earth were you thinking of?” said Professor McGonagall, with cold fury in her voice. Harry looked at Ron. who was still standing with his dick in the air.

Happy National Coffee Day! Do what you gotta do. 

in an attempt to appeal to the pathos of my potential employers, i wrote my resume using the same format a no-kill shelter would use to describe a geriatric dog

i am a gentle, mild-mannered young man looking for a forever job to spend the rest of my years in. though i may not be the most talented and versatile person on the job market, i’m the perfect employee for someone out there, and that someone just might be you(r company)!

I’m a very special girl who has captured the hearts of all our volunteers, but just keeps getting overlooked when it comes to that forever boss to call my own! Could it be you? I can use Excel and the toilet. Vaccinated.  

Salem Saberhagen//Sabrina, the Teenage Witch (1996-2003)

(The edits are not mine)

I still hold the belief that Ruby’s “I’m AWESOME” rant is the fucking best villain reveal speech because she didn’t say a word until after the deed was fucking finished and there was no turning back like BRAVA evil wench, that’s how treachery is done.

Angel Cookies

Angel Cookies by noxsoulmate Rating: NC-17 Word Count: 75,000 Summary:  “On Christmas Eve, if you eat Angel Cookies right before bed and then dream of your one true love, he will be your destiny.” The Shurley clan sure believe their old family legend, but not Castiel James – not since he was a pudgy teenager, running down the church aisle on Christmas Day, trying to stop his very handsome and very straight teacher Dean Winchester from marrying someone else. He may be grown-up, well-toned, bestselling Young Adult’s book author “C. S. James” now, but Castiel will never forget that day. And he’ll never fall foolishly in love again, especially not for Dean Winchester. But when the wish for a big family Christmas from his sick father brings him back home, Castiel has to confront his past. And not only that: a letter from a little fan from his home town is weighing heavy on his conscience. Reaching out to a troubled kid might endanger his secret identity. Adding to the problem is the shock of discovering that Dean is the little girl’s father – unattached and hotter than ever. Dean’s smile still makes Castiel melt, but Castiel knows that ship has sailed. The fact that Dean seems to be on board this time, however, doesn’t make it any easier for him.

It’s been some time since a destiel fic made me stay up late into the night. Damn, it was hard to put this one down! Every chapter revealed a new twist and I just had to keep reading on. At the very core this is a reunion story about two men who were never together in the first place, yet had a special bond much stronger than either of them suspected. 

The story starts with successful writer Cas returning back to his hometown after years of self imposed exile. Castiel’s reunion with his extended family is wonderfully heartwarming. Meeting his former childhood friend and teenage crush, teacher Dean, is as painful as any of us could imagine. When Cas develops genuine friendship with Dean’s daughter, Gracie, it only adds more confusion to the whole situation. What follows is a dizzying roller coaster of mutual pining, misunderstandings and heartbreaks that I guess it’s good it takes place during Christmas festivities. The small town setting adds much needed fluff and charm to this touching story of second chances. I loved every moment of it! Please be assured that the author sensitively handles the nine year age difference between kid Cas and his older brother Michael’s best friend Dean. In this story, Dean is attracted to Cas as a person, not his gender in general (Dean is not bi). I guess that is the main reason why it took so long for him to understand his feelings for Cas. The author has promised to post Dean POV fic later this year and I’m already excited for it.

Fanworks inspired by this fanfic at destielfanworks.

If you enjoyed the fic, please drop by the archive (AO3) and let the author know with your comments and/or kudos!

the deepest post on this site

damn

samtaims ai vonder if inglis spiiking piipöl aar eiböl tu riölais thät ai äm äksöli vraiting in inglish rait nau bat tsast vith veri finnish spelling

sou if juu spiik inglish bat not finnish kän juu pliis reblog änd liiv ö komment on tis post tänk juu veri mats

Sammteims ei wonda iff inglisch schbieking pipel ahr ebel tu rieleis set ei ehm ecktschuli reiting in inglisch reit nauh batt schast wiss währi tschörmen schbelling

So iff ju schbiek inglisch batt nott tschörmen kenn ju plies riplock end lief eh kommänt on dies pust senk ju wäri matsch

tänk juu for joor tsörman kontribjuusson, ai äpprishieit it veri mats. änd it oolsou helps mii tu gräsp tö essens of tsörman äksent

Samtajms aj vonder if ingliš spíking pípl ár ejbl tu rielajz det aj em ekšuely rajting in ingliš rajt náv bat džast vit veri slovak speling. Sou if jú spík ingliš bat not slovak ken jú plís riblog end lív en koment on tiz poust tenk jú veri mač

Самтаймз ай вондр иф иньглиш спикинь пийпль ар эйбль ту риэлайз дзят ай эм экшуалий райтинь ин иньглиш райт нау бат джаст виць вейрий рашин спеллинь. Со иф ю спик иньглиш бат нот рашин кэн ю плиз риблог энд лив э комент ан дзис пост цянк ю вейрий мач

Samtæms æ wonda if ínglis spíking pípl ar eybel tú ríalæs ðet æ em ektsuali ræting in ínglis ræt ná bat dsast við veri æslendik speling

so if jú spík ínglis bat nott æslendik ken jú plís ríblog end líf a komment on ðis post þenk jú veri mats

Samtaims ai uonder if inglisc spiching pipol ar eibol tu rialais det i em acscualli raiting in inglisc rait nau bat dez uid veri italian spelling. sou if iu spic inglisc bat not italian chen iu plis riblog end liv a comment on dis post tenk iu veri macc’. 

sumtaimes ai wundère eef angliche peepole ar ébl tu rayolize zat i am actualie ritin en angliche rite nau bat dees iz veri french spélling. sau if u speec angliche bat nut french plis cun u reeblog end leev a commant en deez post tank u veri muche

somtajms ai wonde if inglisj spieking piepel ar ebel toe riëlais det ai em eksjelie wraiting in inglisj rait nau but djust wif verrie dutsj spelling

so if joe spiek inglisj but not dutsj ken joe plies rieblok ent lief uh komment on dis poost tenk joe verrie mutsj

Samtajms aj łonder if inglisz spikink pipul ar ejbul tu rielajs dat aj em akczueli rajtink in inglisz rajt nał bat dżast łif weri połlisz spelink

Soł if ju spik inglisz bat not połlisz ken ju plis riblok ent lif a koment on dis połst fenk ju weri macz

somtaghms aigh bhondar iobh iunglois spíocang píopal ár éabal ta ríalaghs dat aigh eim aicsiúlaí raghtuing in iunglois raght nadh bot diost bhot bhéirí aighris spoiling

sómh iobh dhiú spíoc iunglois bot nát aighris cean dhiú plíos ríoblág eand líomh a camoint án dus póst taenc dhiú bhéirí moit

sʌmtaɪmz aɪ wʌndɚ ɪf ɪnglɪʃ spikɪŋ pipl ɚ eɪbl̩ tə ɹilaɪs ðæt aɪ æm ækʃəli ɹaɪɾɪŋ ɪn ɪnglɪʃ ɹaɪt naʊ bʌt dʒʌst ɪn ði ɪntɚnæʃʌnl̩ foʊnɛɾɪk ælfəbɛt

soʊ ɪf ju spik ɪnglɪʃ bʌt nɑt aɪ pi eɪ kæn ju pliz ɹiblɑg ænd liv ə kɑmənt ɑn ðɪs post θænk ju vɚɹi mʌtʃ

ソムタイムズ　アイ　ワォンダー　イッフ　イングリッシュ　スピキング　ピーパル　アル　エーブル　ツ　リアーライズ　ザット　アイ　エッム　アックシャリー　ライティング　イン　イングリッシュ　ライット　ナオ　バット　ジャスット　ウイッス　ベッリ　ジャパニーズ　スペリング。

ソ　イッフ　ユー　スピック　イングリッシュ　バット　ノット　ジャパニーズ　プリーズ　リブロッグ　アンッド　リーヴ　ア　コメンット　オン　ディッス　ポスット　サンク　ユー　ベリー　マッチュ。　

samtaims ai uandăr if ingliș spiking pipăl ar eibăl tu riălaiz zet ai em ecșuali riating in ingliș rait nau băt giast uiz a veri rumeiniăn speling. său if iu spic ingliș băt not rumeiniăn chen iu pliz riblog end liv a coment on zis post senk iu veri maci. 

Σομταιμς αι υονδρ ιφ εγγλις σπυικιγγ πυιπυλ αρ ηβελ του ρυιλαιζ θατ αι αμ ακτουαλυι ραιτιγγ ιν εγγλις ραιτ ναυ βυτ γυστ υιθ α υηρυι ανσυιεντ γρυικ σπελιγγ. ιφ υου σπυικ εγγλις βυτ νοτ ανσυιεντ γρυικ θεν καν υου πλυις ρυιβλογ ανδ λυιν α κομεντ ον θις πωστ θανκ υου υηρυι μυχ

Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking (via wordsnquotes)

facts

Philip Roth (via wordsnquotes)

in case anyone wanted some autumny wallpapers

Community ↳ Friendship

Olga Koroleva