So I absolutely blame this dream, which Bast says I need to share for posterity (mostly future me), on the fact that one of the last things I saw before I went to sleep the other day was @ckret2 ′s Alastor blog.
In the dream, which was 2D animated as many of my dreams are, I worked in a fancy dress shop selling wedding, prom, and party dresses. This was on Earth, not Hell, but Alastor Hazbin also worked there. I had just started, and I didn’t know him really beyond being introduced, but the knowledge that Dream Me had was that he was sometimes good at selling dresses but sometimes was a little too honest and made people cry , and that the owner of the shop was too terrified to fire him. Keep in mind everyone else was humans and Alastor was…Alastor.
On the day of the dream, one of my coworkers came up to me and was like, ‘I’m so sorry, but you’ve been Chosen.’ ‘What?’ ‘You have to go out with Alastor.’
Now, even in the dream I somehow had enough understanding to say something like, ‘That can’t be right, that guy doesn’t date people.’ ‘No no,’ my coworker said, ‘I don’t mean you have to date him, I mean you just have to go out with him this once. Every month one of us has to go to–’ and here she did sarcastic air quotes and imitated Alastor’s accent, ‘”the cinema, to see a picture show.” Don’t worry. None of us has been killed yet. He just won’t go there by himself because “that’s pathetic!”’ I said, ‘Why me? Did the boss choose me or did he?’ Coworker replied, ‘He did. He said he wanted you because you “sold a very ugly dress to a very ugly woman” the other day and it “made him laugh and smile.” Just go, you’ll get paid overtime.’ And I was like uhhhhhhhhhhhhh but had to agree.
Then there was a time skip, to me and Alastor at a movie theater box office, buying tickets.
For some reason every single screen was playing nothing but the Sonic the Hedgehog movie all day.
And I was like, surely my dress shop coworker Alastor, who is a 7-foot tall demon deer wearing an eye-searing suit and terrible hairstyle, who talks like someone from the 1920s fell out of a radio, will not want to see this. And I said, ‘That’s too bad, I guess we have to–’ And Alastor leaned down all creepy, grinning with all his zillion knife teeth, and said, ‘Oh we’re not leaving, sweetheart! We’re going to see the little hedgehog man run fast!’ And I was like okay (Please Do Not).
After some shenanigans involving the snack people giving us free stuff (everyone at the theater knew about Alastor coming there once a month and to just give him anything), and Alastor getting yelled at by parents for not sitting in the back row despite being so tall, we watched the movie.
So full disclosure, I have not seen the recent Sonic the Hedgehog movie. I know what it looks like, but I know nothing about what it’s about. However, my dreaming brain constructed several scenes for me to watch. It was pretty bad, but not as bad as expected. Alastor was laughing and commenting a lot, and I was starting to actually have fun because he was laughing and commenting on the kinds of things I laugh and comment on about movies. I.E. things that aren’t really supposed to be funny, like errors and dialogue delivery. At one point a moment straight out of that one meme happened, in which Jim Carrey Robotnik said ‘I miss my wife, Tails,’ and Alastor lost it. And then the movie was over, and people were getting their coats on and getting up with their kids, etc.
And I said, all smiles, ‘That was fun! Sooooo that’s it, right? I should go?’ And Alastor declared, also a big grin on,
‘Oh, no! That movie sucked, as they say, and I̴'̵m̴ ̷g̸o̷i̴n̴g̵ ̸t̷o̸ ̴m̶u̶r̴d̷e̵r̶ ̷a̶b̷o̵u̶t̴ ̴i̴t̷!̷’
