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2% milk, 98% bad jokes.

@caffeinepants / caffeinepants.tumblr.com

Hi! My name is Joe. I'm here off and on, but when I'm not here I'm being bad at video games over on twitch.tv/readysetjoe and it would mean the world to me if you checked it out. Thank you much!
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reblogged

(mollymauk): i’m just glad i didn’t send any drunk texts last night.

(caleb): but you did?

(mollymauk): what?

(caleb): you sent me a text saying ‘if you ever want your dick sucked, i’d gladly volunteer.’

(mollymauk): oh, that wasn’t a drunk text.

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imlizy

To my twitch followers, make sure you install adblock so twitch’s new awful mandatory midroll ads don’t interrupt you at random!

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lgbt-tiktoks

Caption:

[Person 1: WALL-E and EVE are both nonbinary.

Person 2: What are you talking about? Keep your... Liberal politics out of my kid’s movie. WALL-E’s a boy and EVE is a girl.

Person 1: But they’re... they’re robots. They don’t have genitals.

Person 2: Yeah but like WALL-E is square and does construction and EVE is like feminine and sexy looking.

Person 1: So, gender is a matter of presentation and expression, not a matter of biology.

Person 2: No! Gender’s just about your genitals.

Person 1: Then, WALL-E’s nonbinary. He doesn’t have genitals.

Person 2: No, WALL-E’s a boy.

Person 1: Then gender is a matter of expression an-

Person 2: No! Gender is just biological!

Person 1: Then WALL-E doesn’t have a gender

Person 2: No! He’s a boy robot!

Person 1: Look I don’t have anything going on. I can do this all day.]

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exculis

“ Remove the first 4 letters from your name and add Fuck. “

this is people with 4 letter name oppression. my name is now just Fuck. height of comedy.

Fucknelle

Unfortunately if I remove the first four letters I get an underflow error me my name crashes.

Fuckan-Beck

My name is three letters, so is it just uck? Or Fuc?

If I go full name it’s Fuckph. Which just sounds like I have a weird lisp. I have no more fuckph to to give. I’m freph out of fuckph. 

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heroponchris

The seductive Wario cutout protects this territory and nourishes the land. Everything smells of garlic. You try to pass by bashfully, but cannot. You are not immune to seductive Wario. “Wahaha!” He has taken your coin and your honor. You thank him.

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no one wants to hear it but love is earned after the initial infatuation. commitment is something u both mutually agree to and then from there it’s work. it’s not work like it’s a chore it’s jus work like it takes effort. to get good at these things takes practice. it takes practice to learn to communicate better and it takes practice to learn to love each other in the ways u need to be loved.

And it’s also terrifying! Like it’s the kind of vulnerability you can’t do while being all cool and in control of things, you have to like open up the really awkward, ugly inner part of yourself and hope that the other person is still into you. 

Like you have to actually say - with words coming out of your mouth or hands or whatever way you use to directly communicate in person - what you would like from the other person! You have to say stuff like “hey the thing you did made me feel some ways and we have to address this like adults” and hope that the other person says “I see, yes I also think we should address this like adults” (instead of “no I didn’t” or “you’re overreacting” or other shut-down-ing shit that ruins lives). 

Worth the read my oh my

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thegreenpea
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