came home drunk last night and got way too excited to see my cat

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is humbler, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it’s a valuable resource to have. The first kingdom sends 100 of its finest knights, clad in the best armour and each with their own personal squire. The second kingdom sends 50 knights, with fine leather armour and a few dozen squires of their own. The third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.

The night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and party into the late hours of the night. The knights in the second kingdom aren’t as well off, but have their own supply of grog and drink well into the night.

In the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and swings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. He fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.

The next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hungover and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old weary, unable to get up.

In place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. The battle lasts long into the night but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom.

And it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

literally any upper middle class tiktok self-identified ‘that girl’ in a pastel workout set with a thirteen step skincare routine and a green juice is a million times closer to being patrick bateman irl than any self-identified sigma film bro

having a mutual who’s a good artist literally feels like beyonce saw me at a supermarket and decided to make me her best friend

my sincerest apologies to miss kesha i have nothing but respect for the party anthem of all time

Dipping a toe then another and another until submerging your whole body into the unchartered waters of yourself after years of living in suspension

Cute girls should get $5000 a week for free and never have to work (I’m girls)

I fucking hate the hand that feeds me. I think I'll do something fucked up to it

yeah yeah yeah mortifying ordeal of being known and all that but sometimes a friend mentions something about you that you didn’t think was noticeable and it feels like your heart is being cradled in their hands

Every time I see my phone I’m like Grr my worst enemy. Hope someone I love texted me

in a parasocial relationship with the car in front of me on the interstate

no one will ever understand you like i do, red minivan from ohio

i blog for girls who are umm relentlessly tormented. By the misery

don’t leave out the best part

I’ve never seen the second photo before.

glad to see those spreading the truth

Rb to force new people from twitter to eat bees

Oh, hey, I was wondering when I’d get to use this again.

did you just fucking have this

high quality, large quantity