[OOC] Explanation of my disappearance
You all can ignore this if you want. It's real life stuff. Which means it's going to go under a cut as well. Just because.
A month ago I lost my grandpa and no one even so much as told me until AFTER my birthday. Because they didn't want to upset me. What makes you think that waiting until after a month later (birthday was the 5th of March), after my birthday even... What makes you think it wouldn't upset me? I should've been told the day it happened. But no. My family isn't good enough for that.
On top of that I had to write a letter to the parole board. Now not everyone knows it but back in '94 my mother was murdered. By the guy that she had been dating at the time and had separated from because he's an idiot and a crazy psycho. But my mom always found the best in people so she'd decided to talk to him and things didn't go well, obviously. But either way I had to write a letter to the parole board because it's been going on 20 years and he had 20 to life. So in writing this letter I've got to hope that it's going to keep his ass in jail.
So those two things were bogging me down. Then on top of that I have been dealing with the brain wolves. Along with the down and out moments. Those moments where your brain just flat out goes 'Don't even fucking bother. You're not good enough.' And it's bad because you know that it isn't true. Know that you are because you rp with great people and have really good friends. But brain wolves don't give a damn about that knowledge. So I've been dealing with that a lot lately.
To the point where I'm sitting at work (not today since I'm off) and waiting for my bestie to come get me. And in that short about a time (about a half hour or so) I tend to want to just curl up in a ball and cry because the brain wolves won't leave me the fuck alone.
So if you've been wondering about my absence, there's your answer. That's why I've not been on tumblr. The brain wolves and everything else has done everything to zap my strength. I hate it all. Especially when I know that I'm good enough. Know that people care. It's just hard sometimes. That's all.