updates somedays

one of the great texts of the modern era

okay tumblr’s exclusion from the twitter social media ban list is hilarious but genuinely we do not belong on there. if a real human person asks “where can i find you on social media” and your choice is a swift death or revealing your tumblr, most of us would simply expire. half of y’all change urls every week like you’re in witness protection. just imagine for one second attaching your wholeass government name to your latest two am clownposting and tell me that didn’t send a cold chill down your spine. the only place i ever want to see the words “connect with me on tumblr!” is on the ao3 profile of an author i’m actively stalking. anyone in the world can follow me except anyone i personally know. antisocial media.

fully obsessed with the people in the notes who are like “i don’t know what y’all are worried about 🙄 i simply curate an entire dummy tumblr account connected to a different email address where i reblog a regular stream of cute animals and aesthetic pictures of old buildings and then give that url out instead” like they’re maintaining a deep cover identity for a cold war spy. completely normal behavior.

a funny thing about this being one of my more popular posts is that in all truth i DO tell people out loud that i'm on tumblr, and the myth that this site is dead is so pervasive that it absolutely does not matter. i can say “i have a tumblr” present tense, or “i am going home after work tonight to spend a ridiculous amount of time on tumblr,” or even “here is a direct link to a post on my personal tumblr blog, that i made just now today about a currently happening event,” and they’re like “wow i remember hearing about tumblr. how many years ago is this from?” it quite simply will not sink in. great news for the “i do not wish to be perceived” crowd we are actually comically impervious to it.

hello beloveds ☺️

made an alternate version for the mutuals ive never spoken to

You are appreciated

you ever see a poll and just Know that a character lost purely because their source material is less well known than the winning character's

there'll be polls that are like "bipolar swag bracket round 1: PIKACHU from POKEMON vs SQUIMBUS from SOME MANGA FROM 2003 THAT ONLY SOLD 40 COPIES"

and you'll look in the comments and it's all "vote squimbus!" and *8 paragraph essay about how squimbus canonically has bipolar* and "#squimbus sweep!" and "squimbus my beloved" and *personal story about how squimbus inspired them to get help for their bipolar disorder*

and the only comment referencing pikachu is like "i have no clue who squimbus is but i like pikachu"

so you decide "yeah sure i'll vote for squimbus why not" and you see the results and it's like

pikachu: 93%

squimbus: 7%

Information Wall (with Hat)

a wasp made this post

maybe cain wldnt have killed abel if they had video games to healthily channel the violence between siblings. unfortunately back then the only smash brothers they had was smash brothers head in with a rock

"Fluid as water, brilliant as silver, heavier than lead, mercury spills through a mine worker's fingers."

National Geographic

October 1972

ph. Robert W. Madden

real

What makes this even funnier is if you’re a rich guy and do this the actual poker players will shower you with praise and stroke your ego (especially when you win hands through sheer variance) and say you’re great and to keep doing what you’re doing because they’re just siphoning money from you and want you to keep it up. Like, that’s the original definition of a “whale” in the gambling sense

this is the funniest thing I’ve read in my LIFE

HIM????

it's real btw

Op here, we're going strong!! Here's a picture of our Goob shrine

please just read the whole thing

“You get to drive away”

"this only takes 10 minutes so you should still have some free time" but have you considered that i need to lie down for 5 hours in complete silence after even the most basic task you could think of

hey don’t cry. spiro the bald eagle failing at catching a crab, okay?

from twitter user deejaygeejaygee

it just gets better

and better

The Doctor and The Master implies a third, less prestigious renegade timelord named The Bachelor

An immortal who regenerates into new bodies but maintains the same core identity and continuity of memories even if there are marked changes in personality, you say?

Weirdly fixated on England, you say?

The Bachelor, you say?

May I propose a theory:

he definitely fucks but there’s no way he fucks normal

I know you probably meant like BDSM but I'm just imagining cartwheels and circus music