?????? NATIONAL HERO???

this person needs protection this is not a joke we need to keep them safe

not a woman tho! she isn’t comfy with that word

just htought i'd let u know that this is the funniest shit anyone has ever said abt me

My girlfriend is turning 32 soon… 

I’ve told her not to get her hopes up. “After all,” I say, “we’re only going to celebrate it for half a minute” when she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out “This is your thirty-second birthday”

JEFF

Took a wrong turn somewhere

i took a nap and woke up in all these goddam spinanch

good timing to become immune to fire

UM WE FORGOT THE OTHER TWO

tumblr when a new pathetic man drops

the twitter communists currently are getting mad because some random undergrads made an edible burrito tape bc they should instead be doing medical research

i had to work hard to make sure the similarly corrosive take of “only few people in the world make their own food” also fit in the screenshot

lest y’all think i was making up a conversation that wasn’t in the op the comments are all like this

btw the vaccine in question is a cancer treatment (ie. not a preventative/immunization) similar to another one already also used in the US and is currently undergoing clinical trials in the US.

"People not understanding that scientists are not interchangeable" never gets old

Reminds me of when someone pointed out that some math/engineering students researched and calculated that a Kansas sized pancake would have a higher mound then the highest point of Kansas (i.e. Kansas is flatter then a pancake relative to a pancakes size) and ppl bitched that they were doing this instead of curing cancer... my brother in christ they are mathematicians

"Sir, I'm sorry to hear that your cousin is sick, but I really don't see what I, personally, am able to do about it."

"What are you talking about? Just do numbers at it or something. That's your job, isn't it?"

just imagine the breakthroughs in cancer treatment that would be possible if the immortal scientists of marxism-leninism weren't spending their time in rote memorisation of mao zedong thought

my partner doesn’t use pet names nearly as much as i do, which is very funny because i will crack my gay little knuckles and say some shit like “good morning my sun and moon, my loveliest boy, my baby my sweetheart my darling dearest” and he will reply “hello adrian”

btw: if you reblog this poll, feel free to explain your answer in the tags or the reblog!

their face journeys mean so much to me

We are getting married and breaking the glass at our wedding.

it’s a musical…. about… don’t tell anyone.. spies…

@osha-official @osha-official-2 @osha-unofficial

ENTRY LEVEL MEANS NO EXPERIENCE. IT MEANS NO PORTFOLIO OF RELEVANT SAMPLES. ENTRY LEVEL IS ENTRY LEVEL