This ur own fault for not adhering to the 3.4 oz rule

This is the funniest fucking post I’ve ever seen

my favorite thing about Assassin’s Creed Odyssey is that, despite there being nothing wrong with Alexios’ character, everyone is nuts for Kassandra. It’s so fucking funny

—

John Beckett

“Polytheism in Difficult Times“

(via

intaier

)

Free: this Blackberry I just fished out of a creek

You’re standing in the exact location a businessman realized that what’s truly important, is family.

Ma’am…

i learned that Steve Martin’s wedding came as a surprise to his guests. The roughly 75 star-studded attendees (including the likes of Tom Hanks, Diane Keaton, Eugene Levy, and Carl Reiner) said that he had invited them to his house just for a “party.” To their shock, upon their arrival his wedding began (x)

anyone else been following the saga of the guy whose neighbor complained to the zoning commission about his fence being too high so he cut down half his fence and then filled his yard with scary naked mannequins as revenge or is that just knowledge i’m personally living with 

When lemony snicket said “i will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong. i will love you until all the codes and hearts have been broken and until every anagram and egg has been unscrambled. i will love you as we grow older, which has just happened, and has happened again, and happened several days ago, continuously, and then several years before that, and will continue to happen as the spinning hands of every clock and the flipping pages of every calendar mark the passage of time. i will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where once we were so close that we could slip the curved straw, and the long, slender spoon, between our lips and fingers respectively. i will love you if you don’t marry me. i will love you if you marry someone else, and i will love you if you have a child, and i will love you if you have two children, or three children, or even more, although I personally think three is plenty, and i will love you if you never marry at all, and never have children, and spend your years wishing you had married me after all, and I must say that on late, cold nights i prefer this scenario out of all the scenarios i have mentioned. that, beatrice, is how i will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way”

food spinoffs based on “we fucked up making the regular ones” masterpost

 I’m afraid of Americans

This is super real.

Completely accurate.

@pre-successful America exposed. 

It’s hilarious watching non-Americans react to this with fear because I read it just nodding along like “yes, in fact this is How Things Are, there you go”

If you ask an American how they are and they respond “Super.” that means they want to die

ACCURATE

If they say they’re peachy it means they’re tired of existence

If they say “Living the dream,” it means “please kill me, I hate my job so, so much.”

also “that’s a great question” means “I have no freaking idea”

if asked “how are things going?” and they reply “its going” it means theyre in the middle of a mental breakdown

Luca Guadagnino’s house (c)

for a full minute i forgot it was april fools day and was just like ‘this isn’t that shocking this sounds like something she would do’

Diferentes razas de perro en versión guerrera, por Nikita Orlov.

PREMIUM CONTENT

I FOUND MORE

@missourien

YES!

All I was thinking in Captain Marvel was this :

I was diagnosed with ADD today which explains positively everything since I was a baby and now in a couple months I try a medication.

I literally thought all the symptoms were the default way a brain works, so you’re telling me some of you can “choose” what to pay attention to? Like, if you know you absolutely have to listen to and remember something you just “can” even if you don’t like it?

And if you’re at a restaurant and three other tables are having conversations you don’t just automatically absorb everything they’re saying?

And if you know you have to do something within the next hour it won’t just remind you of a different subject entirely which reminds you of another different subject entirely and you don’t just take you three days to remember the original thing you were doing????

Oh yeah and I was never once fucking told in my entire life until TODAY that ADD is an UNDER-active brain. It feels to you and looks to others like your brain is “over” active because the brain is desperately seeking stimulation but deficient in its ability to maintain it. You’re not distracted by every little thing because it’s all actually interesting or your brain goes “too fast” but because no single thing is ever exciting enough to satisfy your reward processes.

AND THE FUCKING THING ABOUT -THAT- WHICH I NEVER HEARD ABOUT BEFORE is that ADD symptoms can resemble or be misdiagnosed as pure anxiety or depression because negative stimulation is stimulation all the same so an ADD brain looooooves to contemplate the mortality of your loved ones and everything wrong with you and wrong with the world and hypothetical future disasters and what people “really” think of you and even that one embarrassing thing you said to a cashier twelve years ago.

Some other things I hadn’t necessarily thought of as ADD-related and I have all day, every day include severe procrastination, executive dysfunction, fearfulness or self-consciousness in social situations, being “smart” in some ways but seemingly “stupid” in other areas, and even hyperfocus on a narrow set of subjects, which of course can all also be symptoms of autism, another thing that may sometimes be misdiagnosed ADD or just kind of the bonus prize you got with it. Some things I DON’T personally suffer from, but maybe you do, and was even more shocked to learn are often ADD symptoms include a disregard for your own safety, harsher standards for yourself than you hold anyone else to, poor impulse control, risk-taking, thrill-seeking, sabotaging yourself and even sabotaging interpersonal relationships or “dropping” them too easily (”that last conversation rubbed me the wrong way…I better just cut ties with them before it gets worse”) All of these things can be either the ADD brain trying to get its next “fix,” bad habits unfortunately instilled in you from how ADD strained everything else in your life, or a mix of both.