Russia has a larger surface area than Pluto.

ey yo tony where’d you get that fresh pepperoni

He gave me 19 caps and then ascended to heaven. 

Skyrim + text posts [shitpostgenerator version]

by Jim Benton

Nailed it

➨ funny blog

[via imgur]

isriana

do not compare yourself to leonardo da vinci

growing up means perpetually bemoaning younger versions of yourself like some kind of neverending babushka doll of self-hate

maybe the reason i can’t sleep is because there are enemies nearby

TUNNEL DOV RULE Alduin is my favourite meme . i hate drawing him but at the same time i cant stop drawing him

if he’s a tunnel snake, is he butch and if he’s butch is he afraid of radroaches? does he beg you to save his mum? do you save his mum? does alDUIN GIVE YOU HIS TUNNEL DOV JACKET WHEN YOU SAVE HIS MUM?

also wait alduin doesnt have a mom he has a ‘dad’ who is ‘time’ so if by stopping to save Akatosh do you… you’re actually saving time but hold on

and and and Alduin’s GOAT result is haridresser. ALSO ALDUIN AT YOUR TENTH BIRTHDAY PARTY? No alduin fuck off you can’t have my sweet roll.

“ODAHVIING WHAT IS THE ANSWER TO #5?” “WHAT DO YOU MEAN HAIRDRESSER. WHAT IS HAIR”

Jesus Christ this is the content I live for

This is what happens when you ask people to draw a map of the USA from memory. 

I’ll have what the last person is having.

Imagine a dragon at Antiques Roadshow, appraising its hoard

Imagine the dragon hoards monetarily worthless things like newspapers or old bones and the person appraising it getting more and more nervous about telling the dragon their stuff isnt worth anything

Imagine that the dragon knows this and just likes watching the person squirm.

The dragon actually hoards uncomfortable situations

you can take one man’s trash to another man’s treasure but you can’t make it drink

Fun fact: the blending of idioms or cliches is called a malaphor.

My personal favorite is “We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.”

I looked it up b/c that was a very familiar idiom and how could it be wrong but then

yeah wow that’s spot on perfect

my catchphrase

Look to your left. The first thing you see is what you would hoard as a dragon.

Crappy plastic swords and mechanical pencils