2. Tyra Dumps a Gay Hero, Holla Holla Holla
Of all the cruel jokes this show has played this season, unceremoniously booting Cory before his first big fashion show is probably the worst. I mean, the dude is all dressed up and ready to go and then theyāre like, āJust kidding, Cory, youāre eliminated. But weāre still going to need you to walk in the show because somebodyās got to pretend to beat up Jourdan.ā
As Laura James gives a disappointed Cory pointless encouragement to walk fiercely anyway, Cory sighs, āI just wish that I had my time to process this alone.ā No kidding, this shit is fucking rude.
Tyra pretends that this is standard business in the modeling industry by telling Cory about a time she was cancelled from walking in a Versace show even after she had her hair did. The big difference Tyra seems to be missing is that after they fired her, they didnāt expect her to still do the job.Ā
Can you imagine being fired from your job moments before giving a big presentation to the shareholders and then having your boss be like, āI still need you to give this presentation, though!ā? Coryās Catwalk Crew should have gone on strike. Mid-show, Cory should have jumped off the runway and taken a big poop on Rob Evans to thank him for all of his support.Ā
After Cory swears and cries, Tyra Banks honors him with some nonsense spoken word poetry:
LGBT.
Holla, holla, holla.
Hero.Ā
Way to drop some meaningless buzzwords. If Tyra really wanted to convey that Cory was an inspiration worthy of respect, she wouldnāt have eliminated him like that. Or stolen all his hair. Or spent half of the cycle criticizing his identity. Or made him portray an abusive asshole for the audience to boo when he already felt like shit. Still, Iām sure that that insincere epitaph meant a lot to Cory. Holla holla holla!Ā
Funniest Moments from ANTM Cycle 20 episode 15
I just said goodbye to a friend with these poignant words and he has never been more confused.
2. The Anti-Fur Activist (Cycle 8 ep. 2)
Generally, itās hard to muster up much interest in each cycleās first boot as we barely get a chance to know them, with one notable exception: Cycle 8ās Kathleen. It is with great sorrow that we lose Kathleen so soon because the girl is pure entertainment. Unfortunately, Kathleenās downfall comes because, as extremely likable as she is, she is equally as dumb. And yes, I mean that as both a compliment to her personality and a swipe at her intelligence.Ā Ā
The first photo shoot requires each model to represent a political stance. When Mr. Jay tells Kathleen sheās anti-fur, she giggles nervously, and we soon find out why: she doesnāt understand what that means. In wardrobe, Kathleen asks whether she should look at the fur and go, āOooo, I hate fur.ā She also canāt connect with the stance: āActually, I really do like fur, it makes you look hot.ā Given the fur ball growing out of her head, I suppose thatās no surprise.Ā
Once on set, Kathleenās posing does nothing to suggest sheās an activist. Nigelās instructions to make her look more passionate are met with a āWhat does that mean?ā and a continued blank glare. Perhaps her deer in headlights facial expressions are meant to portray the helpless animal, but giving Kathleen credit for having a thought, let alone a creative one, is being too generous.Ā
At judging panel, Tyra asks for Kathleenās take on wearing fur. Prepare your brain for some articulate opinions:
- āI believe that if the animal is alive, you shouldnāt kill it to make a fur coat or anything. But if itās already dead, you could take the skin off and just make a coat.ā
- āHow would it already be dead?ā asks Tyra.
- āCuz animals fight each other in the jungle, right? In the woodsā¦ Animals die, like people die naturally sometimes, right?ā Ā
Twiggy explains that, unfortunately, thatās not how the fur industry works, but perhaps Kathleen has stumbled onto something. In her stupidity, she might have invented a socially conscious line of furs. āMy shawl is made from a mink that died of natural causes. And this coat is the product of several foxes who were killed in an epic jungle battle.ā
Nigel tells Kathleen that she ādidnāt completely understand the concept,ā even though suggesting that she understands it even a little bit is pretty kind. Does Kathleen defend herself? Nope, her response is as honest as can be: āI know, right? I didnāt.ā Sheās not just pleading ignorance, sheās pleading utter stupidity. Tyra tells Kathleen that she needs to ask when she doesnāt understand something, and this time Kathleen not only fails to defend herself, she practically prosecutes herself, saying, āI feel like he explained it to me so much, [Mr. Jay] and Nigel, and Iām like, I donāt want to seem slow like I wasnāt catching on.ā Miss J canāt help but respond with a, āWellllllllā¦ā that is pure comedy.
During deliberation, Twiggy says, āI do worry about Kathleen. You kind of want to take Kathleen home and look after her.ā āI donāt!ā responds Miss J. Heās having a lot of fun at Kathleenās expense, and itās hard to blame him.
In the end, all of the judges decide that they donāt have the patience to nurture an idiot like Kathleen, sending her home first. Alas, even the most drastic makeover wouldnāt help them discover a functioning brain under all of that hair. While previous seasons have proven that you donāt have to be a genius to become a Top Model, apparently there is a minimal intelligence requirement as well.
I've been thinking about Kathleen today.
My favorite songs of the year. [Youtube] [Download]
YUP. And I am available for this project.
I should actually write something meaningful like the old days but first I just wanna ask: whoās still out there in Tumblr land?Ā
I keep seeing Tyra go viral/get dragged for old ANTM shenanigans on Twitter, and then people inevitably defending her saying you canāt hold her to todayās standards for stuff she did 15 years ago.Ā
But Iām sure as most people in this ANTMFunny community can agree: WE DONE KNEW. Weāve been calling out how problematic that show was for ages.Ā
And donāt get me wrong, I also enjoyed it. It was hella entertaining for all its faults, and for me anyway, part of the enjoyment was analyzing just how backward it was to dangle a modeling contract in front of well-intentioned (and in some cases desperate) contestants when the real point was to humiliate most of them. Still, I could take some self-inventory about to what extent I meaningfully critiqued the show and what extent I fueled the fandom.Ā
Oh well, I guess not everything is black and white... except maybe literally in the cases when Tyra had models wear blackface to portray someone of a different ethnicity.Ā
Itās been a year! Hereās what I most liked listening to.Ā
(secret download link)
- Chinese Satellite - Phoebe Bridgers
- Happy Home - X Ambassadors
- On Mine - Diplo & Noah Cyrus
- Maker - Anjimile
- Crazy - Bazzi
- Lilacs - Waxahatchee
- Dinner Plate - Terror Jr
- I Still Do - Kiiara
- Mountains (we met) - Christine and the Queens
- i see america - Joy Oladokun
- anthems - Charli XCX
- Boomer - Bartees Strange
- My Own Soulās Warning - The Killers
- Coming Alive - Ivan & Alyosha
- Nothing at All - Perfume Genius
- Spotlight - Jessie Ware
- All That - Emotional Oranges & Channel Tres
- Sleep at Night - The Chicks
- The Key to Life on Earth - Declan McKenna
- Weāll Be Alright - Grace Potter
- Changes - Ruston Kelly
- Love Not Loving You - Foxes
- Horizons Into Battlegrounds - Woodkid
- Honey - Kesha
- Hard to Forget - Sam Hunt
- Leaning on You - Haim
- Plastic Hearts - Miley Cyrus
- Cosmonauts - Fiona Apple
- Harder Than My Demons - Big Sean
- Die Midwestern - Arlo McKinley
- 4ĆM - Grimes
- Boys Will Be Boys - Dua Lipa
- Scared to Live - The Weeknd
- Drugs & The Internet - Lauv
- Bammer - Wiz Khalifa
- Cloud Nein - Man Man
- All in My Head - Whethan & grandson
- Experience - Victoria MonƩt & Khalid & SG Lewis
- Scram! - Jeff Rosenstock
- sadder badder cooler - Tove Lo
- Chicken Tenders - Dominic Fike
- Ungodly Hour - Chloe x Halle
- My Last Breath - James Newman
- Brooklyn Bridge to Chorus - The Strokes
- Lost in Translation - The Neighbourhood
- Another Spring - Paris Jackson
- Dime CĆ³mo Quieres - Christian Nodal & Ćngela Aguilar
- Is It True - Tame Impala
- Ball Hard - Lil Wayne & Lil Twist
- Try Jesus - Tobe Nwigwe & Jabari Johnson
- The Otherside - Cam
- Slow - Matt Costa
- Hallelujah - Oh Wonder
- Still Feel Like a Kid - Dawes
- Only a Day - Ben Kweller
- Put a Little Love on Me - Niall Horan
- 3am - Halsey
- Boys and Girls - Jaden
- Thriving - Diet Cig
- Juro Que - ROSALĆA
- Funny Thing - Thundercat
- my exās best friend - Machine Gun Kelly & blackbear
- Wildlife - Sarah Harmer
- Mother Please Donāt Be Sad - The Flaming Lips
- Dora - Tierra Whack
- montgomery forever - The Front Bottoms
- came to my show - 100 gecs
- Phase - Pinegrove
- Easy - The Naked and Famous
- Godzilla - Eminem & Juice WRLD
- exile - Taylor Swift & Bon Iver
- Only Time Makes It Human - King Princess
- About Love - MARINA
- Broken - Empress Of
- Almost Maybes - Jordan Davis
Hi! Itās that time of year where I encourage you to tune into Eurovision on Saturday because it is the worldās funniest spectacle. I made this video and hundreds of thousands of Europeans have watched it because they get it. (Or they donāt and leave me angry comments, but I can take it.)Ā
Would you be able to stay still?Ā
When you see someone you know, but donāt want to have an actual conversation.