cardiamachina reblogged
100 Days of Moving On, Day 1 to 10 | twitter, IG
We were once so beautiful under the light; did you see the colors we used to spill onto the walls?
But broken glass is never the same, and there are shards of us in between floorboards that we can never recover.
My fingers bleed as I pick at the floor.
I don't know why I'm doing this either.
100 Days of Moving On, Day 1 | twitter, IG
my god is this thing even on???
hello, you, who's still hanging around in this almost defunct page! sometimes i come around here after sighting a poem of mine out in the wild of twitter or facebook to see how my little poetry children are doing and i realize i never really expounded on where i went, which is my bad, lmao
well, to start, i am now a nurse in the intensive care unit! i looked back into my archives and realized that when i started writing poetry in this account, i was a NURSING STUDENT eleven years ago! life had expectedly lifed very hard, nursing as a baby nurse was hard, i took the icu course, and then we had that cursed thing happen 2020 ish. my brain chemistry changed a lot, and honestly so did the things i've been writing.
during the time i was away from this account, i was quite focused on long form fanfics. i wrote poetry here and there, but as you guys know with me, i write for people i love. i wrote space-related poetry for deancas, and wrote seventy years of sleep for stevebucky. which still blows my mind what kind of journey soft epilogue ended up embarking???? i leave and then i come back to all that - it was unreal, and thanks for that!
if you're wondering where i am nowadays, i'm kind of all over. i'm on twitter (@NikkaUrsula) and IG (@nikkaursula) for poetry stuff and my fandom twitter i'm gonna hide because i will simply embarrass myself lmao! yes, i am still writing poetry, and it's again about characters i love and people that make me feel things, so i guess i'm no different that where you found me eleven years ago.
i'll be in and out of this page cleaning some stuff up, and maybe updating the format so it's easier for you to read things when you find yourself wandering around my poetry tag. i may post some of my new stuff here too, if anyone's interested in all that.
before i go, i just want to say thanks for listening to what i have to say not only today, but yesterday, a month, a year, a decade ago. i have been writing for a long time, these little feelings that cocoon themselves into little words that escape me. they've traveled a long way to perch on your shoulder, my little monarch butterflies. now they're yours, too.
see you around,
nhixxie/nikka ursula
cardiamachina reblogged
Love,
Time stops, doesn’t it?
Are we not testaments to this?
Two old, misplaced souls,
Asleep for seventy years?
So close your eyes, love.
Maybe seconds can be minutes
and minutes can be hours
and hours can be unending eternities
Where I don’t have to open my eyes
To a reality without you.
So, let’s sleep.
Let the world go to hell.
For we deserve a soft epilogue, my love.
We are good people, and we’ve suffered enough.
We Sleep, and Maybe We’ll Wake Up. Listen. Seventy Years of Sleep, nikka ursula, others, support my work by helping me grow my IG following here!
Love,
Time stops, doesn't it?
Are we not testaments to this?
Two old, misplaced souls,
Asleep for seventy years?
So close your eyes, love.
Maybe seconds can be minutes
and minutes can be hours
and hours can be unending eternities
Where I don't have to open my eyes
To a reality without you.
So, let's sleep.
Let the world go to hell.
For we deserve a soft epilogue, my love.
We are good people, and we've suffered enough.
We Sleep, and Maybe We’ll Wake Up. Listen. Seventy Years of Sleep, nikka ursula, others, support my work by helping me grow my IG following here!
cardiamachina reblogged
can you tell me about your feelings towards stucky endgame??? like has it fucked up your feelings big time that they wrote steve to leave bucky? how have you been coping with it?? like what are your head canons to make your heart hurt a little less?? it’s really fucking up my ability to write for stucky which is sad because i feel so strongly for them and i don’t want 70 years of sleep to die tbh
i didn't expect so many replies to this, and im going through all of them, thank you for sharing your words! kind of feel hollow still and saddened to know that others feel the same way, but i will try to come back to steve and bucky. i'll write more if anything and maybe not try to stifle my feelings for them because of my own bitterness, lmao. <3
cardiamachina reblogged
can you tell me about your feelings towards stucky endgame??? like has it fucked up your feelings big time that they wrote steve to leave bucky? how have you been coping with it?? like what are your head canons to make your heart hurt a little less?? it’s really fucking up my ability to write for stucky which is sad because i feel so strongly for them and i don’t want 70 years of sleep to die tbh
It fucked with me, not gonna lie
But I think what helped me get over it (for the most part) is that Steve’s actions towards the end of Endgame doesn’t feel like Steve. At all. You can practically see the writers twisting his characterization to just get his storyline over and done with. Presumably because of Chris Evans’ contract ending.
Going back to live in the last, abandoning the people who’re his family in the future - not just Bucky but Sam and Wanda - to go back to the past does not feel like him. I’m sure he’ll always love Peggy but I don’t think he’d literally time travel to be with her. Because he knows she moved on. And until Endgame brought back the compass in a rather nonsensical move, I’d say he’d also moved on. And I can see him retiring after Endgame and giving Sam the shield, but he wouldn’t do it the way he did in the movie.
To sum it up - Endgame Steve’s actions are the result of bad writing and feels nothing at all like the Steve Rogers we’ve seen until now. It’s easy, when I think of it that way, to keep on writing the character I love.
i totally agree. it was a lurch to the wrong direction and i felt snatched off the path that the older movies were trying to pave with steve's characterizations. in summarry, CAWS steve rogers will be the pinnacle of steve rogers characterization and imma stay there.
cardiamachina reblogged
can you tell me about your feelings towards stucky endgame??? like has it fucked up your feelings big time that they wrote steve to leave bucky? how have you been coping with it?? like what are your head canons to make your heart hurt a little less?? it’s really fucking up my ability to write for stucky which is sad because i feel so strongly for them and i don’t want 70 years of sleep to die tbh
sapphiresnowflakes
It actually really messed with my head!!! I was really mad at endgame Steve’s characterisation for a bit!! Like it’s just heartbreaking that Steve could ever leave Bucky behind like that, especially to go back to an idealised past- for someone that projects a lot of recovery feelings onto Bucky, it felt like a statement that loved ones around you would take a version of you before any trauma happened if they could, rather than the ‘broken’ person you are now. And of course the whole “Steve leaving Bucky to suffer with hydra” thing.
The headcanon that jolted me out of the sadness was one I saw on here that Steve didn’t intervene because he wanted the Bucky that made it through it all to survive: he didn’t change the timeline because he wanted His Bucky to still exist. Which gives me a lot of emotions and makes my heart hurt but in a slightly better way!
I also like to disregard canon storylines and think about the canon building blocks instead. Like!! 2012 timeline now has a Steve that knows about Bucky being alive so much earlier- what does he do? How does he tear the world apart to get him back? What does two years less with hydra do to Bucky? Or what about Bucky sneaking off to follow Steve, and they’re being an old Buck to match old Steve on the bench? How would their love story look if they got to grow old together in their own time. Basically, I’ve just retreated away from canon into AUs
im gld im not alone. i literally wrenched myself away from writing anything remotely close to steve and bucky after end game. i was broken hearted, and a lot of what made me love the two of them kind of crumbled at the pith with the events that transpired in that movie. but i like the headcanons you've mentioned, specilly 2012 steve knowing about bucky. maybe my steve and bucky can just exist in little capsules of time and i'll maybe learn to forget about everything else. i will join you in delusion, thank you!!
can you tell me about your feelings towards stucky endgame??? like has it fucked up your feelings big time that they wrote steve to leave bucky? how have you been coping with it?? like what are your head canons to make your heart hurt a little less?? it’s really fucking up my ability to write for stucky which is sad because i feel so strongly for them and i don’t want 70 years of sleep to die tbh
cardiamachina reblogged
I’d like to know how you and I existed in two planes that never intersected, and yet here we are, irrevocably, immovably together. How did I look at the world, seeing faces but not memorizing, not knowing yours will inevitably be beheld by my eyes? How did I feel the sun across my skin, not knowing I could have been feeling the movement of your fingertips instead? How did I draw my breaths not knowing in a faraway place, your lungs did the same?
How can I have been so lonely, yet not recognize it?
What magic the universe has exerted to have our planes cross, finally.
We have much to look forward to.
Soulmates, nikka ursula, others, support my work by helping me grow my IG following here! (via cardiamachina)
I'd like to know how you and I existed in two planes that never intersected, and yet here we are, irrevocably, immovably together. How did I look at the world, seeing faces but not memorizing, not knowing yours will inevitably be beheld by my eyes? How did I feel the sun across my skin, not knowing I could have been feeling the movement of your fingertips instead? How did I draw my breaths not knowing in a faraway place, your lungs did the same?
How can I have been so lonely, yet not recognize it?
What magic the universe has exerted to have our planes cross, finally.
We have much to look forward to.
Soulmates, nikka ursula, others, support my work by helping me grow my IG following here!
cardiamachina reblogged
Source: twitter.com
cardiamachina reblogged
Peace flows like a river.
This is the most beautiful thing. I’m keeping this for reference.
Anonymous asked:
Different anon from the one before but I agree with them, I actually wrote a song around your line “we deserve a soft epilogue, my love” ☺️
pls let me hear it!!
Anonymous asked:
are you still at all active on this account?
vaguely! i am more active on my IG nikkaursula but i do plan to post some of my works from there here :)
Anonymous asked:
cant wait for your poem about the damn ending in endgame 🥺
to write a poem i must have valid thoughts about stucky endgame but to me stucky endgame is nothing but a vague dream because my steve would never leave bucky to go back to the past and live a life of bliss where he conveniently forgets that past bucky is still getting tortured by hydra??? so thats where i am in MY truth