me when i'm with other people: i am loved 😌

as soon as i'm alone: but am i 😰

*gentle breathing* ffeel my squid

babe get ready for a night on the town, i just found an old Subway gift card and there’s still $9.45 left on it

women really be cutting their hair to cope… And you know what it fucking helps

it’s dangerous to go alone. take this

thanks

(doot) (doot) (doot) (doot)

can i have a peppermint?

you can have a peppermint!

OH!

that’s too hot for me!

bleh!

HEY!!

AAH!

I DONT LIKE THE PEPPERMINT!!

you dont like the peppermint..

NO.

it’s too spi-i-cy!!

well whyd you ask me for a mint?!?!

when did the spiciness begin?!?!?

is it all because of 

What the fuck is happening

heres the video for context

Im even more confused now

me: hmm what happens if i forcibly bend this thing

thing: *breaks*

me:

what a good morning!! im gonna draw a dog!!

apRIL FOOLS I DREW TWO DOGS THEY’RE BEST FRIENDS

Where will the lies end?

tumblr is an awful place full of awful people and i hate every single one of you. “mr. sandman” came on and without blinking i sang man me a sand. 

Make him the cutest car door man hook hand

i want to be softer and kinder and brighter and just more.

it’s about time I contributed to the online discourse

bricks are domesticated rocks

Stop

Let them speak

the script: what am i supposed to do when the best part of me was always you and what am i supposed to say when i’m all choked up and you’re okay

me, age nine:

It’s my grandpa’s birthday next week and he said “I don’t want to be 85” and my grandmother, his wife of 59 and a half years, said “well your only alternative is to die”, I can’t believe how affectionate they are

I was having lunch with them today and my grandpa started throwing napkins at my grandmother, and she balled it up and looked all set to throw it back but then she put it down and said “I will not throw it because I was brought up properly, you were dragged” she has spent ¾ of her life with this man

OH my dad was talking today and he said that when my grandpa (his dad) retired, it was golf that kept him alive, so someone else asked “oh, for the exercise” and my dad said “no if he’d spent more time in the house mum would have killed him” I scrEAM

(x)

if a demon possessed me I’d just b like ok take it from here good luck man