Me 2 chapters into reading a slowburn fic:

Me at otp: it’s 1am here, I want you in the bed and kissing before 2:30 I have work in the morning 

5k into a 120k

Me:

The staff unanimously agrees to post this without further comment, in that no further comment is necessary. This piece is by Daniel Hashimoto (@ActionMovieKid), in a reworking of an original piece by Jon Hoffman.

Thanks!

The face of a true hero

Having adhd and getting those questions on homework or tests that say “explain your thought process” like oh boy are you sure you wanna go down that road buddy

half of the time:

the other half:

anon requested: kara danvers + button downs

Gay🥺irl

hades explaining that he’s the god of the dead, not the god of death

Thanatos explaining that he’s the god of death, not hades

Thanatos explaining that it applies to animals too

Poseidon explaining that he is the god of the seas and oceans

Zeus explaining why he can’t keep it in his pants

Hermes explaining why he gotta go fast

dionysus explaining why he’s Like That

hmmm

— Leo Christopher

Types of gfs:

Art gf: oversized pastel sweaters, high waisted skirts, jeans with paint splatters and tears, coffee shop vibes, late night trips for coffee and paint brushes, pixie cuts

Skater gf: beat up vans, cuffed black jeans, bruised knees and skinned elbows, forehead kisses, baggy t-shirts, always wearing dad hats, stopping the car at any spot that looks good to skate

Athlete gf: grass stains, nike sports bras, the taste of sweat on her neck, strong thighs, pony tails, softie for seeing her gf cheering in the stands, always drinking water, baggy sweat pants

Punk gf: lapel pins on everything, badly sewing patches on leather jackets, skinny jeans, combat boots, sharing strawberry milkshakes, bass guitar, always has headphones in, different brightly colored hair every week

Witch gf: crystals, always ready to read your tarot cards, staring at the moon, deer antlers and coyote jaws, pine scented candles, succulents and ivy everywhere, silver hair, high waisted shorts

Goth gf: wispy bangs, leather jackets, fishnets with rips, doc martens, rings on every finger, old books, black nail polish, holding your hand while walking you through antique stores, manic panic dye

Gamer gf: big graphic tees, knotted hair, constant eye bags, sloppy kisses, midnight snack trips for gas station slushees, video games until you fall asleep on her lap,

Writer gf: ruffled clothes, messy hair, furrowed brows, nose scrunch, squinted eyes, loud sighing, insomniac, plans the whole story in their head first, either typing nonstop or hitting the delete button repeatedly, smells like coffee, either always snacking or ignores their grumbling stomach, hopeless romantic, smothers you in affection, either a smooth flirt or cheesy pickup lines, attempts to be poetic, sometimes a perfectionist, has a million tabs open for research, you can easily distracted her, has selective playlists for different moods, horrible posture, can get easily frustrated, will fall asleep in their chair, will go great lengths to make you happy, can get overemotional, craves your attention

Yup, you two just keep on pretending you’re only in love on TV. I’ll wait. 

Me: *falling asleep to an audiobook on the science of the gut*

Book: saliva is actually filtered blood!

Me: ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

Me: ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

Book: saliva also contains a painkiller that is stronger than morphine, but we don’t produce a lot of it otherwise we’d be constantly high

Me: ʕʘ Д ʘʔ

Opiorphin is 6x stronger than morphine and actually contains an anti-depressant compound which is why some doctors believe it’s linked to comfort eating

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/20610867/

Everyone spit on me so I won’t be depressed

i remember this post but only the horny bitch at the end

The dungeon boss: You… Unionized my hobgoblins against me?

the working class will no longer be oppressed, my dude