calamity jane

my parents at 25: I'm so glad we have this new home!!!!

me at 25: this is the emoji of the year -> ❤️‍🔥

the sirens wouldnt even have to sing beautiful or anything. id still come over to the shallows and rocks to see whats up see whats happening. whats all going on

the villagers: OH MY GOD GET OUT OF HERE ITS A DRAGON ATTACK HES BURNING DOWN THE WHOLE VILLAGE

me noticing the "dragon" actually only has 2 hind legs instead of 4 legs: thats actually a w-

*flames engulf me completely*

me: boy i can’t wait to find the email i need by putting the exact subject line in the search feature

outlook: you’ve never received an email in your life. there’s nothing here, asshole. 2000+ unread btw if you even care

you have been visited by the seven magic dragon balls your biggest wish will be granted but only if you reblog

Couldn’t risk it.

didn’t realize they change colors. now I know o gotta wish.

THIS SHIT IS REAL I GOT THE JOB I WAS NUTS ABOUT BC I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY maybe it’s a coinkidink but it okay just take the necessary steps to achieve what you’re wishing for and YOU CAN DO IT

Thought my Chuck Grant lovers might like this. Behind the scenes, featuring Nolan Hemmings, Bart Ruspoli (who played Ed Tipper) and Marcos D'Cruze (who played Dominguez) Thanks to those who helped with identifying Tipper and Dominguez!)

cillian murphy looks like he was designed by someone who was both very horny but also riddled with catholic guilt

i absolutely love this review

Happy birthday, @haljordon!

i want to make a statement: HIM

Band of Brothers + The Onion Headlines (Part 2 of 3)

My PIN number to this day is my second grade best friends birthday. There are people I don’t talk to anymore whose families are still in my prayers. There are shirts I wear to bed from exes of 8 years ago who are married now with kids. And I haven’t found a macaroni salad recipe better than my college boyfriend’s moms’. Our lives are made up of so many people and when people become parts of our lives, some parts remain long after they leave. And in the same exact way, it’s comforting to know there are so many lives you’re still a part of that you have no idea about.

I’m dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It’s the honest ones you want to watch out for because you never know when they’re going to do something incredibly stupid.

i said, whoever almost shot Lewis Nixon in the head, your mom’s a hoe