you are KIDS. weaponize that. waste her time.

Also: "I frew up."

A dopamine boost

That is not a dude I thought would face off with cops on social media. Respect.

This is what set the police order off, btw:

whooops got a new hot guy to stan how terrible for me

Slut. When your captain says he wants to play invader, but unfortunately not with your body.

Gamma shift

Based on this

The wishmaker

GET BACK HERE YOUNG MAN

THE PAW THROUGH THE WIRE

Aliens but they take shit too seriously

Human: the day i run a marathon is the day i die.

Alien: *makes note to keep human away from marathons*

Weeks later

Human: Just got back from a marathon!

Alien: *SCREECH*

Human: Dude, when you hear this you’ll shit bricks!

Alien: *Eye tendrils flex* I-i-i’d prefer if you wouldnt tell me, thank you.

Human when it is hot: “I will fucking fight the sun”

Alien: “Please don’t. And you know that that isn’t possible”

-

Human: “If you say that one more time I will kill you”

Alien: “REQUESTING BACK UP, THE HUMAN WANT TO KILL EACH OTHER, I DON’T KNOW WHY”

-

Human: “Quit scaring me like that, you gave me a heart attack”

Alien: “Why aren’t you going to the hospital yet?”

“Oh god when I show my parents my report card they are going to kill me!!!”

“CONTROL CENTRE YES WE NEED ALL EYES ON THE HUMAN’S BIRTHLINGS I THINK THEY ARE PLANNING A HOMICIDE-”

I laughed waaayyyy too hard at the ‘eye tendrils twitching’

“Its raining cats and dogs!”

“I don’t see any of your domesticated animals falling from the sky..” 

“I could eat a horse.”

“But, that doesn’t seem possible due to proportional differences.”

Human: Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?

Alien:I see no such “elephant” you speak of

my favorite thing about this post is all the people who chose to use the default icon defending themselves in the notes like no stop it just put a picture up

Loving this energy

*wipes tear* they learn tumblr culture so fast . . . the spite . . . the malicious compliance of it all . . . I'm so proud

she has a flower for you!

A little flower opossum will come with all orders placed during April in my shop! 🌻

They look like a duo that dropped exactly one studio album of some of the most experimental woodwind and jazz combo youve ever heard in your life

the people need to know about Nimoy's music

Sssssinnamon roll snake 🐍