me: *is bored for 0.5 seconds*

me: i wanna learn how to work wood. i need to build a boat

esp the people who did it alone 

“you so heckin’ precious when you smile”

so the thing about my family is that we have two ancestors on my dad’s side who were buried in france, where I currently live. one died in the spanish civil war, and one died prior doing…we don’t know what. but he somehow managed to get buried in père lachaise. 

so anyhow, my gran sends me a message like “pls put flowers on ur uncle samuel’s grave because he’s gone over a century with none and it will make the ghost mad if he hasn’t already” because my family spends time in europe but never long enough to go all the way to père lachaise and give ya boy samuel jr. his death rites. so im like “ok gran I can do that” bc im a good grandson and you do not fuck with gran she doesn’t DESERVE THAT 

i figure out which plot he’s on and ask someone specifically where you can find uncle samuel jr. and they tell me where and so I arrive at the junction and. 

HE GONE. 

WHERE DID YOU GO UNCLE SAMUEL. 

*celine dion’s smash hit “my heart will go on” playing in the distance* 

in other words either someone stole my entire great great uncle samuel or he has risen again, ready to party in paris for all of eternity. 

You’re pretty chill about a corpse disappearing.

My guy, my dude, he’s been dead since 1851. He could be anywhere. He does what he wants.

Jesus is back, And he's not Crucifuckin' around: The Bible 2

gay culture is using you and u in the same sentence

I’m not a tit for tat person. Don’t care if it took you 5 hours to respond. Probably been busy. Texting you back right away cuz I’m available n I miss you.

i want to be so kind it echoes backwards in time and undoes the things that hurt you. i want to be so kind it radiates from me. i want to be so kind that i make someone else find faith in humanity again. there’s not much i can do, i’m small and weak and i only know so many words. but i know i can be kind. and sometimes, i believe, that changes the world.

video of the year 

keep the rave alive da

Always reblog

Isn’t it weird how you can actually feel the pain in your chest and stomach when something really hurts your feelings

This is actually because it activates your vagus nerve! Basically your body goes “we are so upset! We must be injured! Where???? On the inside guts! Those are confusing and hard to differentiate!!! Confusing guts are hurt!”

Great! How do I uninstall it?

“great! how do i uninstall it?” carries the same vibe as “thanks! i hate it” but more ACTIONABLE bc we gettin our shit together in 2k18

everyone has that 1 favourite place to take selfies

mine is in another dimension where im good looking 

my counselor: how are you doing?

me: good, how are you?

my counselor: good, what brings you in today?

me: im doin real bad karen

mmmAAAAAAAAAAAAA

when you accidentally upset your friend 

callout post for “some people”

they just