My favorite kind of Adultier Adults™ are those who actively try, like really really try, to understand millennial and GenZ humor but just can’t q u i t e get it, and turn it into something 10x funnier
Me over the phone in bad traffic: Oh, I can move again, the road work is done
My grandpa: Uh I sure hope it isn’t
Me:
Gramps:
Me: Did-
Gramps: Did I do it right
Me with my grandpa again: What’cha doing?
Gramps: making a video of seven seconds of joy
Me, frightened: gramps?
Gramps: *Sends a 7-second video of himself eating Almond Joy* Can you put it on vine for me
Me, choking up, not willing to tell him it’s gone: S-Sure
Me, to my Grandmother over the phone: I don’t know gramma, I don’t know if English is a degree that suits me.
Gramma: But you’ve always loved writing!
Gramps, screaming for the other side of their apartment, just audible over the phone: THAT’S HER OPINIIIOOOOOONNNNNNN!
(Over the phone at like 22:30) Me: Man I am just exhausted but can’t find any sleeping aids, are there any left from when you-
Gramps: It’s the sleeping time
Me: yeah?
Gramps: So it’s the time to sleep?
Me: …. yes?
Gramps: Might I suggest you put head on pillow and sleep?
Me, finally realizing: You watch tiktoks. YOU watch TIKTOK.
Gramps: Just get some warm milk, you cretin
Gramps: *Hangs up*
Me, staring at my phone in disbelief: WH Y
Me, over Skype: Hey gramps did you get the birthday box I sent you? You wanna know what’s in it?
Gramps: DIS BOX EMPTY! WHEAT!
Gramps: *Softly tosses the box onto the couch*
Me: Wh. Wheat.
Gramps over the phone: guess what?!
Me: what?!
Gramps: my Hispanic neighbor taught me how to use freshvakdos!
Me: use… What
Gramps: you know! Freshvakdos! Guacamole!
Me: do. Do you mean fre sh avo ca do?
Gramps: YEAH
Gramps: So I heard about blessing that are actually curses so I’m going to give you one okay
Me: oh no
Gramps: oh yeah.
Me: please-
Gramps: may you receive every book you have ever wanted to read in your life
Me: ….how is this a curse
Gramps: … Only for the last chapters to be torn out and unavailable online
Me: GRAMPS NO
GRamps: GRAMPS YES
Me: *flinches as Gramps uses my deadname several times* *let’s it slip that I wear a binder* *accidentally mentions dysphoria*
Gramps: *deadname* are you okay
Me: Gramps, could you maybe call me Kai instead…?
Gramps without missing a beat or bothering to take his phone away from his face, SCREAMING to my grandma: HONEY WE’VE GOT ANOTHER GRANDTHEM!!!
Me, expecting backlash since my grandparents are conservative Mormons: *violent sobbing laughter*
Okay, since this blew up beyond expectations, here’s a list about things my grandfather has done to make me love him more than basically anyone else.
-he’s letting me live in his house while he is on a mission for his church. A gigantic house on lots of land with the large garden and a sunroom. He let me bring all of my animals as well.
-He sold me his car and truck super cheap. The truck is named Gorp. It stands for Grandpas Old Retired Pimpmobile.
-He sends me a box full of fuzzy socks every month because he knows my cat destroys them
-He started using they/them for.my pronouns and hasn’t fumbled once over phone or Skype
-He calls Gramma Lovely, Dearest, Sweetheart, and my personal favorite: Honey Buns (which I picked up ages ago and now my favorite person ever is labeled honey buns in my phone)
-He still says Wheat instead of Yeet. Intentionally.
-He speaks fluent Spanish and learned immigration laws to help keep his Hispanic neighbors safe when “ICE comes around with it’s ugly unchristian head”
- he may be a Mormon, but in his (and Grammas) eyes, Christianity is about love, forgiveness, acceptance, and being there for those you love and care for and he LIVES by that.
-when they aren’t on a mission for the LDS church, they are foster parents to strictly only older teenagers and troubled kids.
-He loves everyone and will accept anyone into his family as long as they are kind and patient.
-He learned ASL so he could communicate with his dead neighbor and be a friend to him
And finally, the man, the myth, the legend himself:
This is Gramps and Gramma (who asked for her face to be covered). I also covered up the badge Gramps wears because it gives his location and name.
I would like you all to know that Gramps and Gramma have offered to adopt every single one of y'all as Grandbabies! They will learn about any religion and support ya no matter what. All they ask is for you to fold your socks. NO ONE IS GRAMMA AND GRAMPS-LESS THIS HOLIDAY SEASON
(also if any of y'all are lonely I am so so happy to message anyone and make friends. I love you all 💜)
excuse me, but I would die for Gramps
Gramps would never allow you to die of anything but OVEREATING AND DINNER IS AT 1800 DONT BE LATE
I really think it’s funny that you put dead instead of deaf but I also feel like he would totally do it if his dead neighbor spoke asl so
Was it a mistake or is there a ghost I didn’t clue y'all into *sips tea*
this is the best thing i’ve seen all day
This gave my my yearly dose of serotonin
goals
