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Orange Shirt day is on September 30th all across Canada.

The Good Place | Tahani Al-Jamil + dresses

At Target this lady told her son he couldn’t have a Wonder Woman doll because “that’s for girls” and then bought her daughter the same one. It got me thinking about how often I see people bar young boys from appreciating girls/women as protagonists and heroes, and my own experience with it as a kid.

I’m????

Oh my God this actually explains so much.

So there’s a known thing in the study of human psychology/sociology/what-have-you where men are known to, on average, rely entirely on their female romantic partner for emotional support. Bonding with other men is done at a more superficial level involving fun group activities and conversations about general subjects but rarely involves actually leaning on other men or being really honest about emotional problems. Men use alcohol to be able to lower their inhibitions enough to expose themselves emotionally to other men, but if you can’t get emotional support unless you’re drunk, you have a problem.

So men need to have a woman in their lives to have anyone they can share their emotional needs and vulnerabilities with. However, since women are not socialized to fear sharing these things, women’s friendships with other women are heavily based on emotional support. If you can’t lean on her when you’re weak, she’s not your friend. To women, what friendship is is someone who listens to all your problems and keeps you company.

So this disconnect men are suffering from is that they think that only a person who is having sex with you will share their emotions and expect support. That’s what a romantic partner does. But women think that’s what a friend does. So women do it for their romantic partners and their friends and expect a male friend to do it for them the same as a female friend would. This fools the male friend into thinking there must be something romantic there when there is not.

This here is an example of patriarchy hurting everyone. Women have a much healthier approach to emotional support – they don’t die when widowed at nearly the rate that widowers die and they don’t suffer emotionally from divorce nearly as much even though they suffer much more financially, and this is because women don’t put all their emotional needs on one person. Women have a support network of other women. But men are trained to never share their emotions except with their wife or girlfriend, because that isn’t manly. So when she dies or leaves them, they have no one to turn to to help with the grief, causing higher rates of death, depression, alcoholism and general awfulness upon losing a romantic partner. 

So men suffer terribly from being trained in this way. But women suffer in that they can’t reach out to male friends for basic friendship. I am not sure any man can comprehend how heartbreaking it is to realize that a guy you thought was your friend was really just trying to get into your pants. Friendship is real. It’s emotional, it’s important to us. We lean on our friends. Knowing that your friend was secretly seething with resentment when you were opening up to him and sharing your problems because he felt like he shouldn’t have to do that kind of emotional work for anyone not having sex with him, and he felt used by you for that reason, is horrible. And the fact that men can’t share emotional needs with other men means that lots of men who can’t get a girlfriend end up turning into horrible misogynistic people who think the world owes them the love of a woman, like it’s a commodity… because no one will die without sex. Masturbation exists. But people will die or suffer deep emotional trauma from having no one they can lean on emotionally. And men who are suffering deep emotional trauma, and have been trained to channel their personal trauma into rage because they can’t share it, become mass shooters, or rapists, or simply horrible misogynists.

The only way to fix this is to teach boys it’s okay to love your friends. It’s okay to share your needs and your problems with your friends. It’s okay to lean on your friends, to hug your friends, to be weak with your friends. Only if this is okay for boys to do with their male friends can this problem be resolved… so men, this one’s on you. Women can’t fix this for you; you don’t listen to us about matters of what it means to be a man. Fix your own shit and teach your brothers and sons and friends that this is okay, or everyone suffers.

The next time a guy says, “What? You don't want to be my friend?” I’ll text him this and then ask if he really wants to be friends or just have another potential girlfriend.

Brittany Josephina (via liquidlightandrunningtrees)

holt:

The Conservative Party of Canada is standing by their choice to appoint an MP with anti-choice views to chair the committee of Status of Women; Rachael Harder.

In 2019 remember this. The Conservatives are not your friends. They do not respect reproductive rights or choice. If you vote for them this is the kind of behaviour you’re helping to endorse. 

The Liberals & NDP have been trying to block her nomination, either by pledging to vote against her nomination or walking out of the room.

Full story:

Liberal MPs walk out of vote to confirm anti-abortion Status of Women chair

Some quotes from the Liberals and the NDP:

“The opposition leader chose someone who is not pro-choice, who has voted against rights for trans people in our country, and those are not views that the Liberal members of this committee can support as chair,” said Liberal MP Pam Damoff.

and:

NDP status of women critic MP Sheila Malcolmson first raised concerns over the prospect of Harder’s appointment on Monday.

“The chair is the spokesperson for our work and it’s impossible for a spokesperson of an all parliamentary committee where reproductive choice is at the foundation of women’s equality, for her to be able to communicate and articulate our work,” she said after Tuesday’s meeting.

The latest poster for Pacific Rim Uprising, featuring John Boyega as Jake Pentecost at the forefront.

Hoy más que nunca México necesita ayuda. Las personas como tú y yo salieron a las calles a mover escombro, a ayudar en lo más que podía.

Apoyen a los rescatistas de México, son buenísimos y serán una pieza clave en la recuperación del país.

50 pesos bastan, si tienen más adelante. De poco a poco se levanta el país.

Se necesita un CHINGO DE AYUDA. Donar en especie a veces no es lo que ayuda más, movilizar voluntarios CUESTA, el dinero ayuda un chingo. Esta noche es CRUCIAL para los rescates. 50 pesos, 100 pesos, LO QUE PUEDAN.

FRIENDS OF THE WORLD Please donate to Topos, a rescue team that was formed during the 1985 earthquake in Mexico. Created by a group of young Mexican Men and Women that helped rescue people in the aftermath of a massive earthquake that killed 10,000 people. Today, at their anniversary, Mexico suffered another catastrophic earthquake that already has taken the life of at least 140 people.

YOU CAN HELP EVEN IF YOU ARENT IN MEXICO. Your money are worth almost double in Mexico, so something small as $15 has a big impact. you can donate, even a little bit, you can do it directly here: Paypal: donativos@brigada-rescate-topos.org

So far, they are asking for anyone with medical and rescue experience and knowledge to come help. There is an airline ticket site that is donating flights to Mexico City for those of you who can help.

EDIT: NUMBERS INDICATE THAT AT LEAST 226 PEOPLE DIED, OVER 50 ARE MISSING. ANY HELP IS GOOD, PLEASE.

Artwork by Billy Butcher

Hillary Clinton, What Happened. (via safeinpeetasarms)