i dont understand this at all and america scares the fuck out of me

This is the america they don’t want you to see

i love america

This is what you call Waffle House at 2 am when the bars close and everyone is drunk and hungry

*group of people having fun* this site: wtf this is so scary

People having safe fun at a waffle house is scary for most Tumblr bloggers, reports say.

Some context for those not familiar with Waffle House Culture: 

This was adorable lmao

wholesome post

fuck this guy

These continents were already tamed by the indigenous inhabitants. And had been for tens of thousands of years.

Over 80% of the Native Americans were dead by diseases brought over by Columbus’ crew long before the Pilgrims arrived in North America. The Native Americans suffered an apocalyptic catastrophe that made the European Plague look like a bad cold season. This was not done on purpose but it was inevitable that it would have happened eventually.

So what we had here was a Post-Apocalyptic world being resettled by a technologically more advanced civilization. Anthropologically speaking, there was no other outcome possible but what occurred, not on the grander scale of it, anyway. That a bunch of political and religious refugees turned a culturally devastated land into the greatest bastion for freedom, self-rule, and scientific advancement this planet has ever seen is nothing to be sorry for.

Smallpox blankets

The effort to eradicate bison specifically to starve the Sioux

The trail of tears

Residential schools

Bounties for scalped Native Americans in Pennsylvania

The multiple broken treaties to respect Native Land

Please dont fucking act like Native genocide was some kind of unfortunate accident. It was a series of deliberate, violent acts that took advantage of the aftermath of the plagues Europeans brought with them.

“Refugees”

i love how white people like to act like they weren’t dying from dysentery and dumb as shit before they met us indigenous peoples. u fuckers couldn’t bathe your ass properly and u want to tell me u helped us “advance technologically?” we already had advanced structures and a method of doing things before u came here and infected us and assimilated our people. kindly shut the fuck up.

My dad was born in 1956 and remembers mysterious boxes showing up on their doorstep with food and blankets/clothes. They once gave the family dog the food and it died.

He also said people would try to hit his brothers and him with a car while they were walking to school.

His dad was allowed to die over appendicitis in a hospital. He suffered for days while the staff did NOTHING.

His uncles disappeared and the police did NOTHING. Their car was later found in a canyon, full of bullet holes. The bullets were military issue.

His eldest brother also died under mysterious circumstances.

My great grandmother, the last of our tribe to be born traditionally, outside, owned 5000 acres in northern California. Active imminent domain left her with 1 ACRE. Which they later took to build a post office.

That same grandma, who I’m named after, was kidnapped as a child and held as a slave in a white mans house. She had a wire put through her ear that tethered her so she could only go from her bedroom to the kitchen. Her dad found her and rescued her, ripping the thing out of her ear. My dad said her earlobe was forever split in two pieces.

In church when I was a kid people alienated my family and my dad got jokey death threats all the time. My mom, who was white, was told she was too good for my dad. I was told I was dark but I would hopefully lighten up if I stayed out of the sun. At school we read a story about a “drunken injun” and I cried in class while my classmates mockingly did a raindance and chanted. My first boyfriend said he wished he wasn’t a white guy because Indians get free college.

This shit was recent and current. Go look up suicide, sexual assault, and drug addiction statistics within Native American communities.

White people came to this country and slaughtered us. Your white ancestors did this. Maybe even your grandparents.

America wasn’t won, it was stolen. Native Americans aren’t better off because we have electricity. I’d rather have my people back.

Fuck Donald Trump. Fuck his voters. And fuck white people who try to downplay what happened here.

you are your worst enemy until you learn to treat yourself like a friend. sabotaging your efforts and relationships, convincing yourself no one loves you, not trying because you’re sure you’ll fail, being apathetic to everything is bc you think you’re not good enough. but the truth is you are good enough and you can be the best person you can be if you learn to change these thoughts into self-love and encouragement. listen to your needs and be there for yourself instead of destroying your health or abandoning yourself or your future.

A lot of people are really scared and angry because of the results of the newest climate change reports — as they should be. But I’m already seeing a lot of posts and news reports like “HERE’S WHAT YOU CAN DO TO FIGHT GLOBAL WARMING” and bizarrely enough, the answers are never like “weed out climate change deniers from your government, impose strict new rules for the corporations that are  creating most of the emissions, pour government resources into alternate forms of fuel, etc.” It’s always like “carpool to work!”

Look. Of course you should be working to reduce waste in your own life. But let’s not fucking pretend that consumers are the ones who made this mess. You know what another recent study found? Just 100 companies are responsible for 71% of global emissions. If the rest of us stopped ALL WASTE and fucking ascended to a higher plane of existence that no longer requires consumption of any kind, the world would still be absolutely fucked if those 100 companies keep on as they do.

I hate this personal responsibility model when it comes to conservation. By ignoring the actual source of the problem and focusing on individuals instead, guess who gets targeted? The absolute most vulnerable individuals on the planet. When people advocate personal responsibility, somehow they’re never talking about billionaires and their private jets. They’re creating straw bans that will make life more dangerous for people with disabilities. They’re shaming women for using disposable menstrual products. They’re criticizing the poor and destitute for using “wasteful” products because they’re all they can afford. They’re making vaguely eugenic statements about getting people in “third world countries” to stop ~breeding~ so much. It’s monstrous.

Stop shaming consumers for the sins of corporations and their powerful investors. Stop placing the blame at the feet of the people who already have the hardest time getting through life. Do something, and by “do something” I mean buy a reusable coffee cup on the way to fucking vote. Go to a protest. Call a representative. Demand accountability from the people who got us into this mess.

^^^^

Let’s talk about those 100 companies for a moment. 

To defeat your enemy, you first have to know who they are.

As a wonky nerd, I looked up the actual report everyone keeps vaguely referencing. Here’s some actual info on the worst polluting companies in the world according to the Carbon Disclosure Project.

In case you can’t read that tiny writing, here’s a list of what is on this graph, which is labeled: Oil and gas company product portfolio mix and GHG emissions intensity. The point of this graph is to show and shame, since even among fossil fuels, some are worse than others. From left to right: 

Suncor (Canada), Husky (Canada), Petrobras (Brazil), Lukoil (Russia), Rosneft (Russia), Canadian Natural (Canada), Marathon Oil (USA), Occidental (USA), Hess (USA), Chevron (USA), Murphy Oil (USA), BP (UK), ConocoPhillips (USA), ExxonMobil (USA), Devon Energy (USA), Apache (USA), Total (France), Eni (Italy), Statoil (now named Equinor.. Norway), OMV (Austria), Shell (USA), Anadarko (USA), BHP Billiton (Australia), Repsol (Spain), Encana (Canada), Gazprom (Russia).

As you can see here, on the far left is Suncor, and they’re all about mining those Canadian tar sands, the #1 most polluting way to create energy on an industrial scale.

Here’s another too-small picture I screen-shotted from the report. Here’s some key words: “The distribution of emissions is concentrated: 25 corporate and state producing entities account for 51% of global industrial GHG emissions. All 100 producers account for 71% of global industrial GHG emissions.”

Here’s that list of the 25 worst emitters, roughly ordered as worst polluters to least:

1. China (a collection of state-owned Coal companies)

2. Saudi Aramco (Saudi Arabia)

3. Gazprom (Russia)

4. National Iranian Oil (Iran)

5. ExxonMobil (USA)

 6. Coal India (India)

7. Russia (a collection of state-owned Coal companies)

8. Pemex (Mexico) 

9. Shell (USA)

10. CNPC - China National Petroleum Corporation

11. BP (UK)

12. Chevron (USA)

13. PDVSA - Venezuela state owned 

14. ADNOC - Abu Dhabi National Oil Company state owned 

15. Poland Coal (Poland)

16. Peabody (USA - coal) 

17. Sonatrach - Algerian state owned 

18. Kuwait Petroleum Corp state owned 

19. Total (France) 

20. BHP Billiton (Australia) 

21. ConocoPhilips (USA) 

22. Petrobras (Brazil) 

23. Lukoil (Russia) 

24. Rio Tinto (UK/Australia) 

25. Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (Nigeria)

As you can see, this is a truly global problem. Most of us aren’t going to be able to make an impact on governments far away from us, but we can sure as hell put pressure on our own governments. And yes, we can also do individual acts of protest - be it buying a solar charger for your phone or pinning blankets to your curtains to make them more insulative or riding your bike more instead of using a car - because the non-state owned companies rely on consumers in order to survive. 

If you want to read the report for yourself, which has lots more charts and graphs, you can find it here (PDF). It is meant to sway investors, so if you know anyone investing money in company stocks, this would be a great thing to show them.

Astute observers will note that I did not actually name and shame 100 specific companies. The report doesn’t either…

FURTHER ACTIONS YOU CAN TAKE:

Oh they’re going to need salvation.

Not just making it illegal, but making being gay punishable with death.

This is one of the many reasons why I walk by every single red bucket in the run-up to Christmas. They’re not getting my money, I don’t care how nice the people ringing bells are.

Ever since the time they threatened to close all their soup kitchens in NYC if a law that did something as simple as allow companies to extend spousal benefits to their employee’s same-sex domestic partners I have refused to buy from them or donate to them. 

It’s that time of year again! In case people don’t know… the Salvation Army is shitty peoples.

Also, the married women are not paid (and therefore can’t qualify for assistance if they should ever divorce, etc). And worth “of course” less than a man.

source

hey since that season is coming up again!

(&:) Be sure and wish every bell-ringer in your neighborhood a Merry Kiss My Ass this holiday season~! :D

Be nice to the bell ringers, they most likely have no idea about this.  If you really want to do something to the bell ringers, try talking to them about this and ask them if they know. 

And shop at Target because they don’t allow the Salvation Army there.

Reblogging for the last comment especially.  The Salvation Army is shitty but it’s been an institution for a very long time, and a lot of regular folk have no idea about these things.  They just want to help the poor and think this is a good way to do it.

We can fight an institution without being dicks to people who genuinely mean well.

Okay heads up for all Americans eligible to vote:

The Supreme Court just issues a ruling allowing Ohio and other states to purge voters from their election registration rolls due to their failure to cast a ballot in previous elections.

This is a major victory for the Trump administration and the GOP, and a direct consequence of the Supreme Court being stacked with more conservative judges (the votes were 5-4). This is also a huge part of what Trump/the GOP were counting on to save them in the 2018 midterm elections, which is where Democrats have been hoping to take back a majority in the House, giving them more power to combat Trump’s abuses of power and Republican legislation.

What this means is YOU CAN NOT ASSUME THAT YOU ARE REGISTERED for the 2018 elections, just because you SHOULD be. Thanks to this decision, red states can purge voters’ registration based on their not having cast a ballot in even just previous federal elections, NOT just the national Presidential elections. Effectively, if you haven’t voted in previous senate races or for congressional representatives in the past few years, that’s all they need now to say you’re no longer registered and need to register again.

They’re deliberately counting on people assuming they’re still registered and so not checking until after registration deadlines have passed, or showing up to vote this November and only then finding out they’re no longer registered, when its too late to do a damn thing about it.

And this is absolutely targeted at marginalized communities, low income voters, disabled voters, and basically anyone who simply can’t always AFFORD to keep on top of every federal election and show up to vote in every senate race, etc. Which not so coincidentally happen to be all the communities and voters who have the most to gain from Democratic victories in the 2018 midterms and are the least likely to cast votes for GOP candidates at this point.

This was absolutely a calculated effort aimed specifically at keeping the GOP in power with a majority control of the government come November, and unfortunately, it has a DAMN good chance of accomplishing just that if it goes by unacknowledged. I’m not looking to alarm or panic anyone, simply to say:

If you are a registered voter in a red state at this point, please please please do not take your registered status as assumed. Check on your registration status, look up all relevant voter registration deadlines for your state and district, CIRCLE THAT SHIT ON YOUR CALENDAR, and check your registration status AGAIN right before those deadlines pass, so you can be sure of it before its too late to do anything about it til the next voting cycle.

Yikes

Reblog this shit right now

Here’s a Twitter thread with resources for voters in every state to check on their registration status: https://twitter.com/AnaMardoll/status/1006221580458790912

Make sure you check it periodically because the newest voter roll purges likely haven’t happened yet.

IF VOTING DIDN’T MATTER, THEY WOULDN’T BE TRYING TO TAKE AWAY YOUR RIGHT TO DO IT.

Reblog this and then reblog it again.

Do Your Fucking Research *Nicki Minaj Voice*

Wow… Lmao.

Some people threw white paint on it a few years back.

They want to be a victim so bad.

Fun Fact: That’s a statue of the fist which Joe Louis used to knock out Max Schmeling, Hitler’s favored heavyweight boxer in 1938. Schmeling won the 1st bout by knockout in round twelve, but Joe Louis came back in the follow-up match and laid him the fuck out in the 1st round.

Fun Fact: Schmeling was hated by the Nazis for losing to a black man and for having a Jewish manager, and he hated them right back, stating in 1975 that he was glad he’d lost the fight because the thought of  the Nazis using him for propaganda purposes sickened him. He also personally saved the lives of two Jewish children and later became lifelong friends with Joe Louis.

So maybe don’t refer to him as “Hitler’s favored heavyweight boxer”…

Thank you for this additional info!

Reblogging this for the added facts and so people know that Schmeling wasn’t a Nazi or Nazi collaborator and was in fact a good man

Imagine hating Nazis so much that when you get beaten up your response is “Good, now they can’t use me as a role model.”

My home will be a home with no loud anger, no explosive rage, no slamming doors or breaking glass, no name calling, shaming or blackmail. My home will be gentle, it will be warm. It will keep my loved ones safe. No fear, no hurt and no worries. I may come from a broken and twisted place but I will build something whole and safe. I’ll sing in the shower again, cook with a smile and dance in all the rooms. I will heal.

This weekend I was told a story which, although I’m kind of ashamed to admit it, because holy shit is it ever obvious, is kind of blowing my mind.

A friend of a friend won a free consultation with Clinton Kelly of What Not To Wear, and she was very excited, because she has a plus-size body, and wanted some tips on how to make the most of her wardrobe in a fashion culture which deliberately puts her body at a disadvantage.

Her first question for him was this: how do celebrities make a plain white t-shirt and a pair of weekend jeans look chic?  She always assumed it was because so many celebrities have, by nature or by design, very slender frames, and because they can afford very expensive clothing.  But when she watched What Not To Wear, she noticed that women of all sizes ended up in cute clothes that really fit their bodies and looked great.  She had tried to apply some guidelines from the show into her own wardrobe, but with only mixed success.  So - what gives?

His answer was that everything you will ever see on a celebrity’s body, including their outfits when they’re out and about and they just get caught by a paparazzo, has been tailored, and the same goes for everything on What Not To Wear.  Jeans, blazers, dresses - everything right down to plain t-shirts and camisoles.  He pointed out that historically, up until the last few generations, the vast majority of people either made their own clothing or had their clothing made by tailors and seamstresses.  You had your clothing made to accommodate the measurements of your individual body, and then you moved the fuck on.  Nothing on the show or in People magazine is off the rack and unaltered.  He said that what they do is ignore the actual size numbers on the tags, find something that fits an individual’s widest place, and then have it completely altered to fit.  That’s how celebrities have jeans that magically fit them all over, and the rest of us chumps can’t ever find a pair that doesn’t gape here or ride up or slouch down or have about four yards of extra fabric here and there.

I knew that having dresses and blazers altered was probably something they were doing, but to me, having alterations done generally means having my jeans hemmed and then simply living with the fact that I will always be adjusting my clothing while I’m wearing it because I have curves from here to ya-ya, some things don’t fit right, and the world is just unfair that way.  I didn’t think that having everything tailored was something that people did. 

It’s so obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t know this.  But no one ever told me.  I was told about bikini season and dieting and targeting your “problem areas” and avoiding horizontal stripes.  No one told me that Jennifer Aniston is out there wearing a bigger size of Ralph Lauren t-shirt and having it altered to fit her.

I sat there after I was told this story, and I really thought about how hard I have worked not to care about the number or the letter on the tag of my clothes, how hard I have tried to just love my body the way it is, and where I’ve succeeded and failed.  I thought about all the times I’ve stood in a fitting room and stared up at the lights and bit my lip so hard it bled, just to keep myself from crying about how nothing fits the way it’s supposed to.  No one told me that it wasn’t supposed to.  I guess I just didn’t know.  I was too busy thinking that I was the one that didn’t fit.

I thought about that, and about all the other girls and women out there whose proportions are “wrong,” who can’t find a good pair of work trousers, who can’t fill a sweater, who feel excluded and freakish and sad and frustrated because they have to go up a size, when really the size doesn’t mean anything and it never, ever did, and this is just another bullshit thing thrown in your path to make you feel shitty about yourself.

I thought about all of that, and then I thought that in elementary school, there should be a class for girls where they sit you down and tell you this stuff before you waste years of your life feeling like someone put you together wrong.

So, I have to take that and sit with it for a while.  But in the meantime, I thought perhaps I should post this, because maybe my friend, her friend, and I are the only clueless people who did not realise this, but maybe we’re not.  Maybe some of you have tried to embrace the arbitrary size you are, but still couldn’t find a cute pair of jeans, and didn’t know why.

This post is one of those things that I will reblog every time it appears on my dash.  This is so important, and no one ever tells you about it.

I almost didn’t read this but then I did and I’m really glad that I did.

Super important

I wish someone had told me this when I was a 4th grader crying in the dressing room because I had to wear “misses” aka adults clothing.

It is honestly amazing what a tailor can do for your clothes, and even more amazing what a custom garment can do for your shape.

There’s a clothing website called Eshakti that tailors everything for you for, like, an extra $9. I fit one of their standard sizes, so I just tell them my height and get perfectly fitting clothes that way. Every dress I’ve ever ordered from them is the best fitting thing I own (and all but the super-fancy strapless purple dress I bought for a wedding has pockets). They also make jeans, which I will some day take advantage of, because: tailoring.

You can also go see a tailor yourself, and some dry cleaners even offer alteration services. It’s not always super expensive, so if you are interested definitely call around and find out how much it would cost in your area. Even if you can’t afford to do your whole wardrobe this way, having a couple pieces that really fit well can feel good. Getting things altered to fit can also help if you really want to wear a certain style – like men’s button shirts or dresses – but feel like it never fits right on you. Just get something that fits at your widest place and see what a tailor can do to help you out.

Okay so

I am a musician with the Canadian armed forces, and I’ve been on contract with the Ceremonial Guard all summer. It’s a pretty cool job, playing on parliament hill, but it can be a little stressful for those of us who have family and pets at home that we haven’t seen in a while.

We have a seamstress who makes sure all of our uniforms are tailored to fit us, and she does an incredible amount of work to make us look great all summer

One day she brought a kitten to work. She had found him abandoned on the side of the road and brought him in the hopes that someone would adopt him and take him home with them at the end of their contract

We dubbed him the CG Mascot and would drop in to visit him all the time. It’s great stress relief!

Well one day we show up to see him and the seamstress has made him a little ceremonial outfit to match the rest of us. So without further ado, please enjoy this ceremonial kitten

One of the musicians has adopted him and named him Artemis. 

There are still good, sweet people in the world, and there will always be kittens. 

Source

Video of Tama

Follow Ultrafacts for more facts

The picture in the background of the second one

Tama is boss

THE TRAINS HAVE CARTOON TAMAS ON THEM

Sad update everyone, Tama recently passed away… An estimated 3,000 people, including railway officials, attended Tama the cat’s funeral on Sunday, days after she died of heart failure aged 16. [x]

For those who haven’t read articles about it, the local shrine elevated her to a god. She’s now the Eternal Stationmaster and patron god of the station.

Beautiful.

Now I’m crying thanks

and a new cat was hired right?

yep! her name is Nitama (essentially ”second tama” or “tama II”) and she served under Tama as an apprentice before being appointed her deputy

she works very hard

Everytime this crosses my dash, I reblog. It is the law.

Law

I’m crying at 11pm over train cats

Nitama, already now a mature cat (born 2010), has a protege named Yontama (fourth Tama, b. 2016).  There is no information available for either the physical befellment or tragic self-disgrace which has removed Santama from contention.

^Nitama majestic, and below with Yontama

Yontama.

a legacy

I’d just like to add that there is a ‘Santama’, whose name was ‘SUNtamatama’ (the capitalisation is not my own, it’s in the actual name). They were sent to Okayama prefecture for station-master training. The Okayama PR rep Mister/Ms Y, who was looking after SUNtamatama then refused to let go of the cat, saying something along the lines of, “This child is ours and I will not let them go, they will stay in Okayama”, and so SUNtamatama remained in Okayama.

This is SUNtamama below:

Source: https://mainichi.jp/graphs/20161017/hrc/00m/040/003000g/1

ほんまニャンでって言いたくなるわ。

@literaryreference mystery of santama solved; kidnapped by okayama PR bc too kawaii

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH

Why Did They Come?

TOO FUCKIN’ phenomenal to NOT reblog!!!!

Let me tell you about my panda mini-washer

As an apartment dweller, this is a game changer. My current apartment doesn’t have a laundry facility and the closest Laundromat about a 30 min bus ride which is just not practical. The mini-washer is a life saver

The panda mini washer hooks up to the sink, is incredibly lightweight (about 28 pounds, so light even I can lift it) and easy to use. 

It has a surprisingly large capacity. The basket from the first picture represents about one and a half loads. The jeans took up a whole load while the rest filled the bin only half way. 

Here’s the inside. The left is the washer the right is the spin dryer. Yes, it even drys.

Basically you shove your cloths into the washer, fill it up with water and let it go. I use my shower head to fill it up so it goes faster, the sink hook up took about five minutes to fill the whole tub, with the shower head is is down to a minute an a half. I do it in three wash cycles, a five minute rinse with baking soda, a five minute wash with soap and a three minute rinse with water. You have to drain and refill between each cycle so it’s a little more labor intensive than a traditional washer. 

That’s the spin dryer. It’s about half the capacity of the washer so one wash takes about two loads to dry. The spinner is much more effective than I was expecting. A three minute spin gets my cloths about 90% dry. I hang them up to air dry for that last 10%. 

The machine cost me about 150$. When you factor in two dollars for the bus, five for the machines (per week), the mini-washer pays for its self after only about six months worth of laundry. 

I’m not great at expressing emotion, but I’m hoping you can tell how excited I am.  Let me just say that the panda mini-washer is great and I highly recommend it to anyone currently using a Laundromat.  

Read this and immediately bought it on Amazon for $180. I spend $15 a week to have my laundry done so this pays for itself in 3 months for me. THANK YOU JESUS.

OMG

@ all my nyc pendejas

Oh by the way, they have table top dishwashers that are pretty much the same thing:

This is one of the biggest technological breakthroughs for the everyday homeowner in the current decade: the realization that refrigerators aren’t the only things that can be miniaturized for better affordability and minimal space requirements.

Can you IMAGINE how this is going to change the lives of college students and apartment-dwellers? Or anyone with a lower income who can’t afford a place with “luxury” appliances like dishwashers and laundry machines?

There’s an even cheaper option called the Wonder Wash where you tumble the thing yourself and you’ll have to line-dry the clothes, but it apparently works very well.

As an apartment dweller, I want to spread this.

Save a life

Reblog to have something good happen at 1:42 tomorrow

why is broccoli seen as this universally hated vegetable. broccoli is delicious

bc suburban families all over the world literally just steam/microwave their vegetables and serve them plain to their kids. No wonder kids hate vegetables. They’re taught that veggies are supposed to taste bad. but imagine: veggies with spices. Veggies in curry. veggies that are broiled, soaked, sautéed. aghhhh veggies are so good

Veggies of color (VOC)

People post good veggie recipes!!! Go!

i’m a vegan/vegetarian chef and yeah people generally don’t… season or… actually think about their vegetables at all? like if you treat your meal like “MEAT + unfortunate side dish i don’t want to eat + dessert” no fucking wonder you’re going to be unhappy with your results?? literally everyone should know how to cook vegetables WELL, because they can be fucking DELICIOUS? 

it’s not surprising to me that most people don’t actually… KNOW how to cook vegetables, which is really, really sad. so imma help y’all out. 

- grill your fucking vegetables? if you have a grill, or even a little dinky george foreman–grill those bitches. brush them with olive oil–or a mix of olive oil and balsalmic vinegar if you’re fancy, grill, salt, pepper, fresh herbs if you want, BAM. delicious. if you don’t, roasting is your next best option. you can also (if you have a gas stove and are ambitious) “grill” on the stove top. many a time i’ve stuck a sweet pepper on the stove and lit that bitch up! 

- braise those bitches??? good for leafy greens and vegetables like turnips and radishes. finely chop some garlic, onion, or scallion (or all three if you’re bold) and sautee them in a little oil. once they’re almost cooked, add your veg. keep it moving, don’t let anything burn, and add a capful of white wine, or cooking wine. DELICIOUS. 

- FRESH. HERBS. ARE. YOUR. FRIENDS? if you cannot get fresh (admittedly, i live on a farm, so i’m never short on things like dill, parsley, thyme, scallion, or cilantro) but they’re amazing on fresh veggies. sauteed in them in a pan? add some herbs. roasted them in the oven? add some herbs (and brown sugar if you want a savory sweet vibe)

- roast them in the oven if you don’t have time (or spoons) to stand up next to a hot ass stove for 5-20 minutes! vegetables that are good for roasting are typically ones that take a long time to cook, eggplants, potatoes, carrots, pumpkin, etc. of course, you can roast any veggie you like!

- MARINATE THOSE BITCHES??? literally you can make delicious marinades out of items most of you already have in your homes: honey/brown sugar, salt, soy sauce, sesame oil, etc. 

- FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK STOP ADDING EVERYTHING TO THE PAN AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME. time out your veggies when sauteeing them for anything. if you’re doing a bunch of different ones, add the veggies to the pan first that take the longest. Making stir fry? put those motherfucking carrots in first, because they take FOREVER. onions, carrots, potatoes? put those in first. corn, broccoli, sweet pepper, zucchini? closer to the end, my dude, because they cook FAST. 

- ginger and scallion go excellently in stir fry btw. if when you make your stir fry it tastes like it’s “missing something”, that’s what you’re missing. add that shit. 

- you do NOT FUCKING NEED CHICKEN/BEEF STOCK FOR YOUR GODDAMN SOUP IF IT DOESN’T HAVE MEAT IN IT! sautee your veggies first, and you can use either powdered or canned coconut milk as the body. it makes for deliciously creamy soup. don’t worry about the coconut taste–it’s pretty much gone by the time your soup/stew is done cooking. coconut milk (especially powdered, and soy milk works for this too, no vanilla flavoring obviously) makes an excellent base for sauces for veggies, even if you eat meat! 

lastly, give it the ol’ ratatouille. smell your herbs and spices together. if they seem like they go well, odds are, they’ll taste bangin’ once you combine them. experiment. everything you make will not be good, but you’ll get more comfortable cooking. i’ve been a chef for like two years and i burned some bread today, so it’s okay. you’ll make mistakes. that’s how you learn. don’t be afraid to cut or burn yourself–the more afraid you are, the more likely it is to happen. 

you’re welcome, signed your local angry vegetarian chef who wants people to eat more vegetables

This is all very good advice for if you want/need to get more vegetables in your diet but haven’t cared for them in the past. A couple extra pointers form my expirience:

-If you’re subbing coconut milk for a meat-based stock you’ll probably want to add more salt than the original recipe calls for. And some garlic

-Actually, everything needs more garlic.

-The Ratatouille Method Works.  It works best when you’re feeling indescisive about what to make for dinner, so you go snack on whatever herbs/veg/sauce you have around and think about the flavors.

-Don’t be afraid to do this with fruit too!  Even if you’re a meat person like me, fruit goes great with lots of things and can benefit from many of the above cooking methods.  The main difference is that fruit tends to cook REALLY SUPER FAST so add it in at the last minute, or even last second.

-Looking Up Traditional Recipies.  Not eating enough plants is a very recent problem, and nearly every culture on earth has got some great veg recipies. Look up basic things like “French Carrots and Leeks Recipes” or find multicultural food blogs or heck, Actually Call Your Grandma* and ask what she did for vegetables.

*Caveat: If your grandma is like mine and all her recipies are from Her Grandmother from Industrial Liverpool and she lived through the Great Depression you might get a very detailed example of What Not To Do, which will at least be informative if also slightly terrifying.

Thank for all the additions to this post!

@bitchesgetriches

You know us well, my child.

We sometimes have followers saying “I’d love to cook more, but god DAYUM herbs and spices and shit are expensive. By the time I have a fully stocked kitchen, I’m like $50 in the hole.”

So allow me to suggest some cheap staples you should always keep around the house for cooking the shit out of your veggies:

- OIL. I prefer olive oil, but honestly, any oil or even butter will do in a pinch. Sesame oil is the height of decadence as far as I’m concerned.

- MOTHAFUCKIN SALT. One of those big canisters of Morton’s store brand salt is cheap af. If you want to get fancy, get a salt mill that will grind big salt crystals.

- ALL THE GARLIC. Garlic comes in so many forms these days. Powdered or dried will last the longest, fresh garlic bulbs are pretty damn cheap, and you can even buy garlic mashed up in tubes or minced in jars if you don’t have the energy/time/will/spoons to chop it up yourself.

- PEPPAH. The natural ying to salt’s yang, pepper is probably my favorite spice. I put pepper on everything. And it’s hella cheap.

- BASIL OR THYME OR OREGANO OR CUMIN OR ALL OF THE ABOVE. These are some of the most common spices. You’ll use them more often, so makes sense to get them.

- CINNAMON. For my babies making sweet instead of savory meals. Again, it’s super common and cheap. Sprinkle it on your squashes and fruits for an instant ~*~autumnal~*~ taste.

And in conclusion, I’ll be expanding this into a longer article on how to stock a kitchen. Keep the cheap eats tips coming, babies! In the meantime, here’s a little something from our archives:

How to Shop for Groceries like a Boss

Why You Should Learn to Cook

If You Don’t Eat Leftovers I Don’t Even Want to Know You

How the Hell Does One Wash Dishes? Asking for a Friend.

The Ultimate Showdown: Cheese Crackers, Ranked