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LandryâŚ.
You werenât even in the top ten when I was number one. What the fuck do you mean âit was always gonna come down between the two of us.â
Protip for men: if marriage is a horrifying concept for you and you think it is an evil trap, do not buy a ring and ask a woman to marry you
Iâm way over seeing radical feminist bullshit on my dash. This isnât even social justice or a real issue.
sorry that not marrying someone you dont loathe is radical feminism i guess?
women: donât propose or get married if u donât like the thought of marriage
men: what kind of sjw fuckery
the other bit that this implies is: If you like your wife, act like it. Even around your friends. Be open and honest about liking your wife, liking spending time with her, and not being resentful of the shared work of building a household. Let your buddies know you canât hang out with them because youâd rather be home with your wife, whom you like, because she is your legit bff, even though you know your buddies are gonna mock you for it. Stand up to your buddies. Tell them mocking isnât cool and you donât want them to do it anymore. Challenge the other men in your life to be better men. That is what âdonât get married if you think marriage is an evil trapâ implies to men who are married. And while itâs all completely reasonable I imagine that itâs scary as fuck when itâs just so much easier to har de har har the little womanâs such a nag, ainât she, donât we all hate being married so much? with other men. In that context, âdonât get married if you think marriage is an evil trapâ is kindof a radical statement.
The number of guys I work with who are engaged who started pulling the âuh oh, life over soon, har harâ shit that I have completely shut down with a simple âwell if you donât want to get married, then donâtââŚ*sigh* And theyâre just like, hem, haw, welllll if I donât then she might not stay with meee, which I respond to with âwell, sounds like you need to have a pretty serious and honest conversation with your fiancee about your feelings thenâ and then the *panic!* lookâŚWhen you remove that easy âhah hah ball-and-chainâ narrative, watch the reaction. Some of them (to a female friend) will mumblingly admit that they love their fiancee and are excited to be married. OthersâŚall you get is fear.
Thatâs the disservice we do men by refusing to teach boys how to explore their emotional needs. It hurts everyone. I watched three male friends walk into marriages I can tell they werenât ready for and didnât want, just because it was expected and they had no tools for emotional self-examination. Two of those marriages are (shockingly) in crisis, a couple years later. One has kids involved now. Itâs more than a little heartbreaking. The marriages I see that are working? Are the guys with the emotional maturity to talk to their wives and who donât care if everyone knows theyâre in love with them.
SERIOUSLY.Â
My friend is getting married this summer and when I congratulated her fiance on their engagement he said to me âYeah well you know, women. This is what they want so you have to bite the bullet.â and my other friendâs husband who was sitting next to him laughed and agreed. If this is how you feel, donât get married. Donât propose. JustâŚ. Donât. Do it. Any of it.
Straight people think that doing things you really donât want to do - like marriage and having kids - is normal cos theyâre still stuck in a fucking 19th century mindset.
Itâs why I know my best friend got a good one, heâs open about how much he loves her and heâs excited to be getting married and regularly contributes ideas and has his own input, itâs nice to see
It filters through as well. Even being gay, a lot of my straight friends donât understand why I spend so much time with my husband. Because I love him? Because I enjoy his company? Because heâs my best friend? I canât count the amount of straight people that have told me that they think itâs âweirdâ that my husband and I spend so much quality time together. The only person who understood was my mom, whose response was: âIf you love someone and genuinely enjoy their company, why WOULDNâT you want to spend your free time with them?!â
How can anyone look at their impending marriage and think âoh no, itâs all over nowâ like???? Iâve only felt so close to so many people in my life, but those small few were like?? Iâd wake up in the morning excited to be awake just to look forward to SEEING them. Iâd catch myself with this stupid idiot grin in broad daylight just THINKING ABOUT BEING AROUND THEM. Iâd sleep easy with them in my head, shitty days became perfect once I spoke to them. THATâs how I imagine feeling again someday. I think about feeling that way for someone again and itâs like the whole future opens up. Marriage is finding your best friend in the whole wide world and wanting to have a sleepover every single day, and to agree to it and then go around groaning like your freedom is being stolen is a HUGE disrespect. If you have the freedom to share your life with anyone you like and you throw it around like baggage you really canât expect it to grow, can you? You gotta care about yourself a little more than that I think
All of this.
Not to mention this mentality makes itâs way TO THE DAY OF THE WEDDING. How many weddings have we seen with something like this:
Like what kind of toxic mentality do you have to have to say this as the bride is about to walk down the aisle and marry someone who itâs now suggested doesnât even want to be there?? How is this cute? How is this supposedly charming? This is supposed to be the person you love and want to be with! And not to mention that you send this down the aisle with a small child (the ring bearer or the flower girls)âŚI have a special loathing for things like this.Â
Holy shit I didnât know that was even a thing. This reminds me of a study I read about years ago with statistics on happiness/stability in relationships of people of various genders/orientations, and straight people were at the very bottom. (And lesbians were at the top! Not a huge surprise, given that women are generally more inclined to communicate and work out emotions and issues.)
YOUR SPOUSE SHOULD BE YOUR BEST FRIEND
PERIOD
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- Taylor on TS7 and her headspace right now (x)
i get so mad when rich people have awful tastes in clothes, like please take advantage of your wealth
Being a supportive parent to your trans daughter AND standing up to her trolls and mocking them openly. Good parenting.
How could you leave these out?
If I mispronounce your name because it is foreign to my tongue, correct me.
I donât purposefully allow the accents of your name to fall flat on my tongue like the European English demands or the language to sound chopped and misheard.
If I donât say your name correctly, donât shrug and say itâs ok because people have been doing it all your life. Your mother worked hard to name you that name, with all its syllables and apostrophes and hyphens and inflection.
I donât want to disrespect your heritage, your culture, your great grandmother or grandfather and their struggle.
If I mispronounce your name, forgive me, but donât let it happen again. Make sure everyone knows your name.
somebody: so what do u like to do for fun? :)
me, very used to being mocked for my interests: ha ha, i dunno, i donât do anything. Ever
How do you (âhow does oneâ) shop for a therapist?
Can you call up a therapist and be like âhi, Iâm therapist shoppingâ? Can you schedule an appointment with a therapist and then be like âactually I have some questions and I want to spend part of this appointment talking about your practice and whether or not it is garbage?â? Are you expected to phone interview/screen your therapists if you are shopping around for a therapist?
If youâre seeing one therapist are you supposed to/not supposed to tell them if you start seeing another therapist? Is it possible to cheat on your therapist?
I know this one! Or, at least, I know a way to do it, because Iâve done it.
1) When you call them up (or email them, which I prefer, because PHONE, EW), you ask if theyâre taking new patients.
2) If they say yes, say something along the lines of âGreat! Iâm looking for a new therapist. Would it be possible for me to schedule an appointment so we can see whether weâd be a good fit for one another?â
- IF THEY SAY NO, THEY DONâT DO âINTERVIEWSâ: theyâre a dick, you donât want them anyway, donât bother to make an appointment
3) Assuming everything is a go, head over to the appointment. Bring your notebook, pen, and questions. Also, if possible, have a very brief rundown prepared of what youâd like to accomplish with your therapy (or even what you think your biggest issues are).
4) Introduce yourself. Reiterate that you want to see if the two of you would be a good fit, so [a nice little social laugh or smile here, while holding up your notebook] you brought questions.
- IF THEY DONâT LIKE THAT: theyâre a dick, you donât want them anyway, cut the meeting short
5) Give the rundown of what you want, what your issues are, whatever. See how they react.
- IF YOU FEEL WEIRD AT ALL ABOUT THEM: they may not be a dick, but if you donât feel comfortable with them, then itâs going to be a shit therapeutic relationship
6) Ask your questions â about their therapeutic approach, why they entered the field, whether they feel comfortable working with *your* needs (I, for instance, specifically told my awesome therapist that I needed her to tell me absolutely nothing about her personal life or experiences â as much as possible, I needed a blank wall to bounce things off of. Itâs been years now, and I THINK sheâs seen at least a couple of episodes of Doctor Who. I THINK. Thatâs all Iâve got. Itâs amazing).
- AGAIN, IF YOU FEEL WEIRD ABOUT THEM: go with your gut â your therapy is not the time or place to try and soldier through
7) By this point, youâve probably hit the 45 minute mark, and youâll know if you want to see this person again.
- IF YES, say that this was a really great meeting, and youâd like to set up a regular appointment.
- IF NO, say âThanks for meeting with me.â If it wasnât too terrible, feel free to add in whatever social niceties you want to lessen the blow (âI have appointments with a few other people, still, but thank you again!â), or you could just skedaddle as soon as possible.
- IF YOUâRE NOT SURE, go a bit heavier with the social nicety: âI still have appointments with a few other people, but I really enjoyed our meeting. Iâll let you know as soon as possible if Iâd like to schedule another one. Thanks again!â
Regarding current therapists: If theyâre toxic, get rid of âem before you even start interviewing others. Nobody needs that kind of garbage. Otherwise, you could keep seeing them while you interview others, and then the second you find one you like (and you schedule your next appointment), get rid of your current one. You donât have to say why â just say that youâd like to cancel future appointments. Do it over email, if you want. If you like them, you can tell them that you just need something different now, but that you âreally appreciate all the work weâve done togetherâ or something. If you donât like them, just cancel. They donât need to know jack.
- IF YOUR CURRENT THERAPIST SAYS SHIT ABOUT YOUR LEAVING â and I mean anything other than a positive hope for you in the future â then they were a dick and you were right to find someone else. Who needs passive-aggressive bullshit from a therapist? Nobody, thatâs who.
So thatâs my philosophy/style with regard to therapist shopping â I may be completely wrong, but itâs worked for me so far. Good luck!
This is really good advice
Yes, very good advice!
I needed this!! I recently moved and need to find a new therapist AND psych in my area. I was also super uncomfortable with my therapist, who literally said these words out loud from her mouth: âHow do you know youâre pansexual if youâve never had sex?â
nope bye
This is the advice I used when therapist shopping for my current therapist! I didnât bring the notebook of questions cause there were a just a couple key things that I really wanted to make sure that were okay, but this gave me a good idea of what to look out for not related to the very specific stuff I was going to therapy for. But this guide is awesome.
Iâve never been so unafraid to see a therapist before I read this⌠I might give it a try.
I. LOVE. THIS. MAN. SO. MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is so good and pure and must be protected at all costs.
NEW MANTRA:
âI can celebrate where I am now as long as I send love to the âmeâsâ along the wayâ
flock together, love each other
pb just casually calling me out like itâs nothing
Maybe misusing the name of God isnât so much about saying the shallow words, âOh my God,â as it is about using the name of God to justify discrimination, oppression, injustice, racism, slavery, xenophobia, poverty, sexism, islamophobia, ableism, homophobia, war, & the list can go on.Â
When I was a wee little Gaslight attending Catholic Sunday schools, and then later in college when I was taking a Bible as Literature class, both my stolid neighborhood deacon and my dapper Protestant professor said almost the exact same thing:
âTaking the Lordâs name in vain isnât when someone says âGod damn it.â Itâs when a mortal, fallible human being presumes to put words in Godâs mouth and say âThis is what God wants you to do.ââ
Time to reblog again. Holy shit.
Interesting. I never knew this
every time i open this app i read some dumb ass shit
And every time we kiss I swear I can fly