I'm getting married in 7 months and it seems my psyche has decided to do some reflecting. I spent nearly 4 years in an abusive relationship with someone I met from tumblr. I was violated physically and made to feel like a parasite emotionally. It started to register that the way i was treated wasn't normal or ok shortly after the relationship ended and I, admittedly recklessly, freaked out. Mutual friends dropped me like a bad habit in an incredibly low point which only made it worse. The first relationship I got into after that one, more than a year later, was with someone who actively belittled me and my interests because that's what was familiar for me. It took therapy and several years to learn to love myself and feel like a person again. There are still days I feel unworthy of the love and affection I receive from my fiance because of the way I was conditioned in that relationship. All this to say, if someone addresses abuse, even if they're a bit manic, it's worth listening. I don't think anyone of those mutuals even use tumblr anymore but if they do, I hope they see this and get an inkling of how isolated and microscopic I felt seeing them stop talking with me while regularly and actively interacting with my abuser. I feel like I'm getting into rambling territory so I guess I'll close this off by saying to anyone else that is or was in a situation like that, it can and will absolutely get better even when it doesn't always feel that way. Maybe I'll log on this stupid old site again in 2025 and just shitpost instead
