was scrolling through your ask game answers and -

Would love to talk about Damen more honestly, if anyone wants to know how I approach writing his POV etc etc!

...please?

Me, after begging you all to ask me questions about Damen: omg a question about Damen!!!!! love this for me

I'm a little low on spoons and have some brain fog today, so this isn't going to come with all the references/quotes that I would like it to. But hopefully it makes sense! I feel like the Charlie Day string board meme when I try to articulate thoughts about Damen omg okay let's give this a go.

There are things that readers pick out when I write Damen from Laurent's POV that are really core to his character, and are a large part of the reason why I like writing Laurent's POV; because then we (readers) get to see Damen as he is perceived by others, and especially by someone who loves him more than anything, rather than through the filter of his own self-perception. These are things that still come through in his POV narration, obviously, but we aren't given an accurate/impartial view of them because of how self-policing Damen is (more on that in a moment).

An ao3 commenter summarised it for me on my latest fic: Damen's "unselfconscious eroticism, the absolute confidence and quiet dominance he exudes, AND the thoughtfulness, carefulness, and deliberate care with which he treats Laurent" are core to what makes him so compelling, and such a great archetypical romantic hero (which I talk about a little bit in this post).

But all that isn't a character, right? That's a fantasy. What makes Damen so dimensional, and part of what makes him so lovable (to me), is his fragility. Why is he so thoughtful? Why is he so careful? Why is he so deliberate, so intentional? Because he is so afraid of becoming everything which he professes to oppose.

This really great post about character flaws is a fantastic summary of where Damen's dimensionality comes from. Damen is a King by birthright; he is an unparalleled warrior by training and aptitude; he is physically fit, and physically large; he has incredibly high levels of political and physical power. He is also keenly conscious of all of this, in a constant and almost exhaustive way.

In this post I said some things about his masculinity, and mentioned Theomedes as a model for him. When he reflects on his father, Damen thinks about the example set by him as a statesman and King, and the notion that a King exists in service of the nation and its people. While Damen's mode of ruling is ultimately more peaceful than his father's, he remains so conscious of the responsibility that has been passed to him, and the power that it gives him.

This is exactly why Damen is so careful in everything he does: he understands exactly the power he has. But this is also where his insecurities come from: he is so afraid of not being worthy of that responsibility, of not being able to prove himself as the man and King that his father thought he was; he is also afraid of doing the wrong thing with the power he has been given. That's why we see him having such extreme reactions (traumatised reactions) to the idea of commanding slaves in books 2 and 3: he feels physical revulsion when Erasmus bows to him, he nearly has a panic attack when sent a slave by Nikandros etc. etc.

It is also why the affirmations which mean the most to him are those about him being a good man, and being a worthy King. It is notable that these affirmations come from Laurent, who Damen has already determined is true and honest (and who he loves). It almost means more to him coming from Laurent than from someone who was already loyal to him (like Nikandros) because he has internally shouldered the responsibility of having exposed Laurent to abuse (which he is not actually responsible for, in a moderate line of thought, but trauma isn't moderate). Damen's fear is that he is everything which Laurent assumed him to be, before they met; he needs Laurent to tell him that this isn't the case, which he does repeatedly in later canon and is why we, the readers, can see that their relationship is founded on a deep and mutual respect.

Also notable that Damen's initial dismissal of Laurent's worthiness--his assessment of Laurent as a baselessly cruel, lazy, demanding, entitled Prince--reveals not only what he values but also what he fears being perceived as, and what he constantly works against.

All this also just proves that Damen is a good, honest, true person: people who are this good don't exist in fear of doing wrong by others.

I think I've run out of words even though I feel like I've got more to say, about the necessity of vulnerable moments for Damen when writing Laurent's POV, and putting forward the crucial balance of competence and self-doubt/self-policing in Damen's POV (it really is a tightrope in a storm that took everything, because of the genre and style, and also the themes of psychological instability and grief). I also want to shout out @angelfruittree's podfic for even in another time, because particularly in the recent chapters, her post-reading commentary/analysis really highlights a lot of things I try to put into Damen and how he is perceived/perceives himself.

Anywayyyy thank you for asking the question I demanded to be asked, I've definitely exhausted my mental capacity for the day lmfaooo but if you liked this/want more feel free to send asks! I hope this made sense <3

read through your previous answer and was wondering: how do you write laurent (from hold (me), please?)

thank you for all your work!

When I was writing even in another time, I wrote a lot of things about how I approach Laurent, because he was the POV character! Everything I've said about EIAT Laurent is applicable to any Laurent, really, because it's all based in character analysis:

What is always in consideration when I write Laurent is that he is an adult survivor of child sexual abuse. I’m not going to beat around the bush with this; he isn’t just “damaged” or “hurt” or “bitchy.” He was repeatedly raped and psychologically abused by his uncle from the age of 13, likely until the age of 15, after losing his mother, father, and brother within the span of a few months. He then was obliged and made to continue living under his abuser’s control, in a place where it is impossible that no one knew what was done to him, witnessing his uncle be enabled to continue abusing other boys.

The narrative about him at Arles was completely controlled by his abuser, which is shown to the reader initially first-hand in book 1 when Damen witnesses the Regent manipulating and directing council members to see Laurent as out of control and worthy of punishment; the Regent is even shown, on page, deliberately manipulating Damen. Laurent is unable to retreat from the reminder of being sexually abused: the entire court are open in sexualising and objectifying him despite his best efforts to close himself off and become effectively repulsive, he says since the age of 15; rape itself is glorified as entertainment, and everyone in the place where he lives sits around and cheers for it—is even aroused by it. Since he was 15, everyone else in the court being adults. Everything from the way people talk about him to the hypersexual environment of the court is a reinforcement to Laurent that his uncle’s version of events is the correct one: he asked for it, and he deserved it.

People love to bring up how Damen “didn’t realise” or “didn’t notice” what happened to Laurent, and deride him for not connecting the dots even after he knew that the Regent was a pedophile. It is much more pertinent to Laurent’s story, and indeed Damen’s as well, to ask why no one at the court did anything to protect any of the boys abused by the Regent, including Laurent. People knew. There is evidence throughout all three books that people knew—grown adults, not teenagers like Laurent (him being merely 20 years old throughout the trilogy) and they did nothing. The Crown Prince has his ear pierced like a pet, specifically noted as a taste of the Regent, and there are readers who think it was a secret? We know that Laurent was made to wear paint; we know that he was made to drink and take drugs. It would not have been spoken about, it would not have been acknowledged, but people in the court would have known.

That is why Laurent is a “cast iron bitch” to the people of the court: they stand in front of him and call him “your highness” when they not only failed to intervene when he was his uncle’s target, but now ignore and enable the continued abuse happening right in front of them. They also gossip and talk about him, actively engaging in ongoing and persistent sexual harassment. The only person who doesn't do this is Damen, and even then Laurent has a difficult time letting go of the idea that Damen only wants him for sex. This is not a reflection of Damen specifically; it is a reflection of Laurent's entire life existing around adult men.

Laurent isn’t cold and vulgar and sharp without reason: it is a defense mechanism. He does not act out of inherent spite or delight in the misery of others or just because he likes seeing people humiliated for no reason. It’s interesting that people think of Damen as a black and white thinker who has to be taught to see nuance, because actually in that respect, he and Laurent are the same: the teach each other to see nuance, and to be moderate, because until Damen arrives Laurent has a very tit-for-tat view of justice and a broad brush with which he paints. Damen is more inclined to see the good in people; Laurent is more inclined to see the bad—but they both share an unshakable sense of justice and a belief that people who hurt others need to be punished. There are reasons for both of them to be this way: the societies they have been raised in both put punishment at the forefront of the response to perceived crimes, and the punishments are largely physical and based on arbitrary decisions of proportionality. They teach each other the value of forgiveness and nuance.

This is more than I intended to write, but I've got more energy this morning than I did answering the ask about Damen so my thoughts are connecting a bit better. I guess what I'm saying is that writing about Laurent and sex and relationships is always going to require a foundational understanding of and compassion for trauma caused by sexual abuse. That is as true in canon as it is for me writing even in another time as it is for hold (me) please.