“your full name without an E,F,R,S,K,I,M,L,C,A,Y,N”

• all the beautiful things waiting for me, when im no longer in agony and i already love me. the things that are meant to compensate the years of my suffering. the calm after the storm. the very feeling of having the chance to say, “i finally did it. im here. im glad im here.”
• movies to be produced, technology and computers to be created, artworks to be made, and the mere existence of the future. will it be as technologic as i imagined it to be? i want to know. i want to see it myself
• the delight and simple joy of seeing the sunrise; will it be as orange as yesterday? or will it be a little more pink? painting, taking snaps, and enjoying the scenery without having to worry about anything. the beauty of nature. i want to feel it every day.
• the coming of the seasons. the smell of lavenders and sunflowers on spring. the ombré colors of the streets on autumn. the warmth of the summer sunshine. the coolness of snow on my winter skin. the concept of having to experience the cycle every year. the clothes i must wear on such. every little thing about everyday.
• the pets i love. i wouldn’t want them to wake up and wonder where i am one day. i know what it’s like to be so alone in this place full of strangers. and i know it will break their hearts. the plants i keep. i dont want them to wilt and die bc nobody would water them miraculously as much as i do. i dont want them to lose themselves the way i lost me.
• the books i haven’t read. the museums i haven’t been to. the songs i haven’t heard. the people i haven’t met. the simplest things that i haven’t done. i want to feel what it’s like to meet new things once again. i want to feel what it’s like to feel appreciated and to appreciate something one last time.
• and the redemption. i want to be me again. i want to remember what it’s like to be me a few years ago. i want to wake up without groaning because i didn’t lose it last night. i just want to be new, to be reborn, to be beautiful one more time. and that will only happen if im alive. and that simple string of hope is what keeps me going. and i believe that simple string of hope will keep me breathing for the longest time. :)

“Remember when you’re so in love with someone, that you don’t want to notice their flaws and shortcomings? It is when they hated that part of their body and yet you saw it so lovely. It is when they thought they don’t deserve to be loved, and yet you know they deserve to be loved because you do. It is when you always see them as a work-in-progress human, who doesn’t have any way but to grow better. It is when you see the opportunities in their future rather than looking on who they are now—messed up and destructed—because you believe in them that they will be successful nevertheless. Remember when you’re so in love with someone, that you don’t want to notice all the things that’s unlovable because in you that doesn’t matter? Always look at yourself that kind of way. It is okay to romanticize yourself the way you romanticize your lover. Because if there’s one person who deserve to be loved the same way that you do, it is you. That is empowerment.”

“The only thing I know is this: I am full of wounds and still standing on my feet.”

“You deserve something you don’t have to question. You deserve someone who is sure of you.”